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And Will Be Again

Frenchman—Pleasant woman, that! Is she unmarried?

Chicagoan—Yes; twice.—Harper's Weekly. J*

Worst Fears True

"How about this barefoot act you've booked for the op'ry-house? Some of the leading citizens are a little worried about it."

"We have suppressed all the objectionable features."

"That's just it. We was afeered you would."

Louisville Courier-Journal. J*

How About Chain Armor

"Is it to be a street gown, madam?" "Yes; something suitable for rioting in. I've joined the suffragettes."—Kansas City Journal. J*

As Language Is

"well, now that you have brought the subject up. Miss Dobbson," said little Fribley, "how old are you?"


"Oh, I am as old as I look," smiled Miss Dobbson.

"Really?" said Fribley. "I'm astonished. You really don't look it, you know."—Harper's Weekly. J*

Hard to Please

"what is Bliggin's grievance against the railroad company?" "He has two grievances; one is that some of the trains don't stop at his station, and the other that after he gets on board the train loses time by stopping at other stations."—Washington Star.


Justice at Last

Breathless Urchin — "You're — wanted — dahn—our—court—and bring a hamb'lance."

Policeman—"What do you want the ambulance for?"

Urchin—"Muvver's found the lidy wot pinched our doormat!"—Punch.



One Of The Strikers—"I've lost me best hat-pin, Lizzie!"

Another—"Where did vou leave it last?"

The First—"I left it sticking in that scab, Rachel Lispinsky!"—Puck.

The Virtuoso on the Farm

New Boarder—"Haven't you got any fancy dishes here?"

Rural Landlord—"Sure thing! Mame, bring the gentleman that mustache-cup your grandfather used to use!"—Puck.

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A Youngster who was attending a public school in one of the large cities was sent home by the teacher for being untidy. The teacher wrote a note to the boy's mother requesting that Johnnie be given a bath. The boy returned to school the next day as untidy as before with a note from his mother to the teacher. The note read as follows:

"My Johnnie is no rose, don't smell him, learn him."—National Monthly.


We All Know Him

Once there was an old goat that tried to pass himself off for a sheep.

The watchful shepherd at once detected the imposture.

He killed the goat. But he sold the flesh for mutton.—Chicago Tribune.


Usually So

"I Have difficulty in satisfying my wife. She has a thousand wants."

"I have difficulty in satisfying mine, and she has only one want."

"What is it?"

"Money."—Baltimore American.

The Only Joy There Was In It

He—Let us keep our engagement a secret for at least six months.

She—A secret? The only reason I got engaged to you was that I thought it would be nice to have my picture on the society page.— Chicago Record-Herald. M

Erratic Popular Taste

"young man," said the woman at the ticket office, "why don't you answer me when I ask you whether this is a moral and proper show?"

"Because," answered the theater treasurer frankly, "I'm not a good enough judge of human nature to know which way to answer without losing a customer."—Washington Star.

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TWO birds new to the eyes of Amer-
* icans, are the curious pair of secre-
tary birds, male and female, received at
the New York Zoological Park, from
South Africa. These stately, long-legged
birds, with ashy grey plumage and tail
feathers two feet long, are the champion
snake killers of the world. The secre-
tary is really a hawk, adapted especially
for ground hunting. The male stands
four feet high, the greater part of this
being made up of legs and neck. The
bird gets its odd name from a crest of
long, dark plumes rising from the back
of the head, which gives it a fanciful re-
semblance to a clerk or secretary, having
a bunch of quill pens stuck behind his
ears. All the food of the secretary must
be alive, and two garter snakes, about a
foot or so in length, form a favorite
daily meal. When a snake is thrown on
the ground for the bird to eat the wiry
secretary does not fly upon the prey at
once but cautiously approaches the snake
with wings partly outspread so as to be
ready to escape any sudden lunge of the
enemy. The secretary slowly circles
around his antagonist, keeping well out
of danger: suddenly like a flash the sec-
retary raises one of his powerful feet,
with sharp talons, and strikes the snake
a hammer-like blow fairly on the head.


THE only remarkable thing about this
photograph of a modern skyscraper
in Los Angeles is the fact that a struc-
tural iron worker recently fell from its
topmost girder to the roof of a one-story
building, a distance of one hundred feet,
and sustained practically no injuries. He
went almost through the roof of the
small building, but as this was very elas-
tic his fall was broken so that he re-
ceived only bruises and slight fractures
which disabled him but a few days.

A remarkable claim is made that a
recent rain had wetted the structure,
making it an unusually good conductor
of electricity and that contact with a live
wire had charged the whole frame.
While working on a scaffold the iron
worker touched the charged girder and
jumped back off the building.

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