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And Will Be Again
Frenchman—Pleasant woman, that! Is she unmarried?
Chicagoan—Yes; twice.—Harper's Weekly. J*
Worst Fears True
"How about this barefoot act you've booked for the op'ry-house? Some of the leading citizens are a little worried about it."
"We have suppressed all the objectionable features."
"That's just it. We was afeered you would."
—Louisville Courier-Journal. J*
How About Chain Armor
"Is it to be a street gown, madam?" "Yes; something suitable for rioting in. I've joined the suffragettes."—Kansas City Journal. J*
As Language Is
"well, now that you have brought the subject up. Miss Dobbson," said little Fribley, "how old are you?"
"Oh, I am as old as I look," smiled Miss Dobbson.
"Really?" said Fribley. "I'm astonished. You really don't look it, you know."—Harper's Weekly. J*
Hard to Please
"what is Bliggin's grievance against the railroad company?" "He has two grievances; one is that some of the trains don't stop at his station, and the other that after he gets on board the train loses time by stopping at other stations."—Washington Star.
Justice at Last
Breathless Urchin — "You're — wanted — dahn—our—court—and bring a hamb'lance."
Policeman—"What do you want the ambulance for?"
Urchin—"Muvver's found the lidy wot pinched our doormat!"—Punch.
One Of The Strikers—"I've lost me best hat-pin, Lizzie!"
Another—"Where did vou leave it last?"
The First—"I left it sticking in that scab, Rachel Lispinsky!"—Puck.
The Virtuoso on the Farm
New Boarder—"Haven't you got any fancy dishes here?"
Rural Landlord—"Sure thing! Mame, bring the gentleman that mustache-cup your grandfather used to use!"—Puck.
A Youngster who was attending a public school in one of the large cities was sent home by the teacher for being untidy. The teacher wrote a note to the boy's mother requesting that Johnnie be given a bath. The boy returned to school the next day as untidy as before with a note from his mother to the teacher. The note read as follows:
"My Johnnie is no rose, don't smell him, learn him."—National Monthly.
We All Know Him
Once there was an old goat that tried to pass himself off for a sheep.
The watchful shepherd at once detected the imposture.
He killed the goat. But he sold the flesh for mutton.—Chicago Tribune.
"I Have difficulty in satisfying my wife. She has a thousand wants."
"I have difficulty in satisfying mine, and she has only one want."
"What is it?"
The Only Joy There Was In It
He—Let us keep our engagement a secret for at least six months.
She—A secret? The only reason I got engaged to you was that I thought it would be nice to have my picture on the society page.— Chicago Record-Herald. M
Erratic Popular Taste
"young man," said the woman at the ticket office, "why don't you answer me when I ask you whether this is a moral and proper show?"
"Because," answered the theater treasurer frankly, "I'm not a good enough judge of human nature to know which way to answer without losing a customer."—Washington Star.
CHAMPION SNAKE KILLERS
TWO birds new to the eyes of Amer-
DROPS 100 FEET
THE only remarkable thing about this
A remarkable claim is made that a