JONATHAN SWIFT (1667-1745)

ONATHAN SWIFT was the keenest satirist of an age re

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nowned for its brilliant and witty writers. His poor health and disappointments, consequent upon his failure to receive the recognition he felt due him and his church, soured a none too optimistic disposition. From his days in college, when he had to apologize to the master for disobeying the rules, until his death, Swift was dissatisfied with his surroundings and prospects. The last line of his epitaph reads, "Where bitter indignation can no longer lacerate his heart." That sentence strikes the keynote of Swift's writings.

After the death of Sir William Temple, to whom he had been secretary and confidential adviser at various periods from 1688 to 1699, Swift entered politics. His thought was primarily of the church, and he endeavored to advance her interest first with the Whigs and then with the Tories. In 1713 he was appointed Dean of Saint Patrick's in Dublin. This appointment made it necessary for him to spend most of the last thirty years of his life in a country which he disliked although he had been born and educated there. Nevertheless he defended the cause of Ireland in some bitter attacks against England because he felt that Ireland was a prey for the English. In a Proposal for the Universal Use of Irish Manufactures (1720) and the Drapier Letters (1724), he pointed out how the policy of England was ruining the trade of Ireland and made a plea for Irish prosperity.

Swift always wrote for a definite purpose. He used his pen neither for profit nor for pleasure. Therefore his works dealt almost entirely with the problems of his time. Often he was coarse

and virulent in his satire and exaggerated conditions and facts to arouse his readers. His style was direct and simple but extremely forceful owing to the earnestness with which he wrote. In the Tale of the Tub he satirized the contentions in the church and the vanity of the age. The Battle of the Books held up the

pedantry of the classicists to ridicule, while Gulliver's Travels thundered against English customs in general. In the paper from which the following selection is taken Swift endeavored to call to the attention of his fellow citizens of Dublin certain needed reforms. He was an early advocate for clearness, sincerity, and truth in advertising. Incidentally he pointed out that the main purpose of advertising should be service to the consumer.

In September, 1725 Swift wrote to Pope, "The chief end I purpose to myself in all my labors is to vex the world rather than to divert it; and if I could compass that design without hurting my own person or fortune, I would be the most indefatigable writer you have ever seen without reading . . . I have ever hated all nations, professions, and communities, and all my love is toward individuals."

AN
EXAMINATION
OF

CERTAIN ABUSES, CORRUPTIONS, AND

ENORMITIES, IN THE CITY OF DUBLIN
Written in the Year 1732

Nothing is held more commendable in all great cities, especially the metropolis of a kingdom, than what the French call the police: by which word is meant the government thereof, to prevent the many disorders occasioned by great numbers of people and carriages, especially through narrow streets. In this government, our famous city of Dublin is said to be very defective, and universally complained of. Many wholesome laws have been enacted to correct those abuses, but are ill executed; and many more are wanting; which, I hope, the united wisdom of the nation (whereof so many good effects have already appeared this session) will soon take into their profound consideration.

As I have been always watchful over the good of mine own country, and particularly for that of our renowned city,

where (absit invidia)1 I had the honour to draw my first breath; I cannot have a minute's ease or patience to forbear enumerating some of the great enormities, abuses, and corruptions spread almost through every part of Dublin; and professing such remedies, as, I hope, the legislature will approve of.

The narrow compass, to which I have confined myself in this paper, will allow me only to touch the most important defects; and such as, I think, seem to require the most speedy redress.

And first; perhaps there was never known a wiser institution, than that of allowing certain persons of both sexes in large and populous cities to cry through the streets many necessaries of life: it would be endless to recount the conveniencies which our city enjoys by this useful invention; and particularly strangers forced hither by business, who reside here but a short time: for these, having usually but little money, and being wholly ignorant of the town, might, at an easy price, purchase a tolerable dinner, if the several criers would pronounce the names of the goods they have to sell in any tolerable language. And therefore, until our law-makers shall think it proper to interpose so far as to make those traders pronounce their words in such terms, that a plain Christian hearer may comprehend what is cried, I would advise all new comers to look out at their garret windows, and there see whether the thing that is cried be tripes or flummery,2 buttermilk or cow heels. For as things are now managed, how is it possible for an honest countryman just arrived to find out what is meant, for instance, by the following words, with which his ears are constantly stunned twice a day, muggs, juggs, and porringers, up in the garret, and down in the cellar; I say, how is it possible for any stranger to understand, that this jargon is meant as an

invitation to buy a farthing's worth of milk for his breakfast or supper, unless his curiosity draws him to the window, or until his landlady shall inform him? I produce this only as one instance among a hundred much worse, I mean, where the words make a sound wholly inarticulate, which give so much disturbance, and so little information.

The affirmation solemnly made in the cry of herrings is directly against all truth and probability; herrings alive, alive here; the very proverb will convince us of this; for what is more frequent in ordinary speech, than to say of some neighbour for whom the passing bell rings, that he is dead as a herring? And, pray, how is it possible, that a herring, which, as philosophers observe, cannot live longer than one minute three seconds and a half out of water, should bear a voyage in open boats from Howth to Dublin, be tossed into twenty hands, and preserve its life in sieves for several hours? nay, we have witnesses ready to produce, that many thousands of these herrings, so impudently asserted to be alive, have been a day and a night upon dry land. But this is not the worst. What can we think of those impious wretches, who dare, in the face of the sun, vouch the very same affirmative of their salmon, and cry salmon alive, alive; whereas, if you call the woman who cries it, she is not ashamed to turn back her mantle, and shew you this individual salmon cut into a dozen pieces. I have given good advice to these infamous disgracers of the sex and calling, without the least appearance of remorse, and fully against the conviction of their own consciences; I have mentioned this grievance to several of our parish ministers; but all in vain: so that it must continue, until the government shall think fit to interpose.

There is another cry, which, from the strictest observation I can make, appears to be very modern, and it is that

of sweet hearts; 3 and is plainly intended for a reflexion upon the female sex; as if there were at present so great a dearth of lovers, that the women, instead of receiving presents from men, were now forced to offer money to purchase sweet hearts. Neither am I sure, that this cry doth not glance at some disaffection against the government; insinuating, that while so many of our troops are engaged in foreign service,* and such a great number of our gallant officers constantly reside in England, the ladies were forced to take up with parsons and attornies: but this is a most unjust reflexion, as may soon be proved by any person who frequents the castle, our publick walks, our balls and assemblies; where the crowds of toupees were never known to swarm as they do at present.

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There is a cry peculiar to this city, which I do not remember to have been used in London, or at least, not in the same terms that it hath been practiced by both parties during each of their power, but very unjustly by the tories. While these were at the helm, they grew daily more and more impatient to put all true whigs and Hanoverians out of employments: to effect which, they hired certain ordinary fellows, with large baskets on their shoulders, to call aloud at every house, Dirt to carry out; giving that denomination to our whole party; as if they would signify, that the kingdom could never be cleansed, until we were swept from the earth like rubbish. But since that happy turn of times, when we were so miraculously preserved by just an inch from popery, slavery, massacre, and the pretender, I must own it is prudence in us still to go on with the same cry; which hath ever since been so effectually observed, that the true political dirt is wholly removed, and thrown on its proper dunghills, there to corrupt and be no more heard of.