passionately. "How dare you come here? How dare you show your treacherous face here?"

Now, now, that's really too bad," said the doctor, soothingly. "I may have been too hasty with you, but you were more to blame than I. But we'll not talk of that now. Here, take this; it will revive you. You're not so much injured as you think. It's more the shock you had than anything else that's troubling you."

Shock, indeed!" cried John, glaring at the doctor. "Shock, indeed!" The doctor, however, took no notice, but tried once again to persuade the outraged husband to sip the draught. He pushed it rudely away.

"Take your infernal medicine away from me," he shouted. "Do you want to poison me? Where's my wife?"

6.

She'll be here in a minute," answered the doctor. "Don't trouble yourself about her."

"I don't intend to," answered John fiercely. "You can have her altogether, for all I care.

"Don't talk that way, man; you'll hurt her feelings."

"She has thought a great deal about my feelings, hasn't she? Oh, Mary, Mary," he then moaned, half unconscious apparently of the doctor's pres

ence.

"Poor fellow! your brain's wandering," said the doctor, in a kindly tone. "Do take some of this; it will do you a world of good."

Take your poison away, I tell you!" shouted John. "Are you not satisfied with one crime? Are you not content with robbing me of my happiness, but must also have my life?"

Upon my soul you'll provoke me," exclaimed Dr. Skelton angrily. "You are the most unreasonable man I ever met. I hear a man wandering at midmight through my house. I naturally attack him; and because when he's knocked down he proves to be an acquaintance turned gentleman burglar, he thinks he's entitled to insult me. Why, man, what kind of treatment do you expect when you become a housebreaker?" "Become a housebreaker!" repeated John, gazing at Dr. Skelton in bewilderment. "Your house! Thls is my house, isn't it? It is No. 4, Montmorency Terrace?".

'No, it's my house; it's No. 17 Montmorency Terrace."

John looked dazed and uncomfortable. He reflected a moment.

"It must be No. 4," he said. "I remember I counted it. It is the fourth house from the end of the terrace."

"Ah! yes,” replied Dr. Skelton, smiling, "but from the wrong end." John remained silent for some time. At length the doctor said to him; "Mrs. Gamble will be, I'm afraid, very much annoyed and upset at your adventure. But I suppose I must go and tell her. I is, however, doubly unfortunate, as she took advantage of your absence to ask her mother over and she is now at your house. But there, it can't be helped. I will run and bring them both here."

"No, no, doctor," replied John, very humbly. "You needn't trouble. If you don't object, I'll stop here for the rest of the night."

HE COULD STAND MOST ANYTHING.

A couple of practical jokers, living at a big up-town hotel, bought a terrapin while walking through the market the other day, and slipped it into the bed of a fresh arrival who had just registered. They watched that night until they saw the new-comer retire to bed. In about ten minutes, a white-robed figure began shouting down the elevator shaft for the landlord. When the crowd got up-stairs the victim conducted the landlord to the bed, and turned down the clothes. "Mister Hotel-keeper," said the stranger solemnly, pointing to the terrapin, "I'm from New Jersey. I'm used to gallinippers, and I can stand most anything, but either that bug or me has got to take another room."-San Francisco Post.

A TITLE CLEAR.

[From Life.]

Maybe it was the Sunday fare;

Maybe the Sunday sermon;

Perhaps 'twas but a plain nightmare-
I never can determine.

I dreamed I was an errant shade,
With other shadows hieing

Along a road whose downward grade
Was simply terrifying.

Before them all with haughty head,

One held the chief position,
Whose lofty mien and stately tread
Proclaimed his high condition.

While in the eyes of all the rest
Sat trouble and dejection,
His gold-rimmed orbs alone expressed
Approving introspection.

We reached a river and embarked
Upon a galley gloomy;

The seat the stranger took, I marked,
Was elegant and roomy.

When Charon came to punch his fare,
The awe-inspiring specter
Transfixed him with a stony stare,
And seemed to say "Director.”

We reached at last the heavenly gate-
The press had free admissions-
The common herd was forced to wait
And loaded with conditions.

The stranger handed in his card,

While round the door we hovered,
And to the high celestial guard
His shapely head uncovered.

I saw St. Peter smile and bow,
Urbane and deferential;
The stranger's greeting was somehow
A shade more consequential.

Angel!" the saintly tyler cried, A page straightway appearing. (I don't remember that I tried

To wholly keep from hearing.)

I caught the words "Orchestra chair,
Be sure you get the right one-
See the harp-tuner, and take care
The halo is a bright one."
"Look lively, too," St. Peter said,
"The gentleman is waiting.
Please register," he bent his head,
The great book indicating.

The stranger wrote. I read the scrawl
The sacred page engrossed on ;
The name was naught, the place was all-
"J. Winthrop Wiggins, Boston."

WHAT IT'S COMING TO.

Now, Bridget, I don't like this flirting, You will bring my house a bad name. Well, sure, mum, I don't think of parting, It's meself that's plased wid the same. 'Look here, girl, the day that I hired you, You said to no cousin you'd speak; I didn't think so many admired youYou've had twenty here in a week.' "Well, missus, you're very divertingI'm an Oirishman, born and bred; An' this is a free land for certain

Would yez have me kape in me bed?

A ROOSTER'S MISTAKE.

There are two families in New Orleans to-day who reside in adjoining houses up-town, and who, a few bright days ago, were warm friends, but are deadly enemies now.

Baumgard is a druggist and makes his own pills, and Snider runs a small grocery, and raises chickens in his back yard, and it was his habit to lean over the back fence in the evening and warble the German language with Baumgard, as the latter mixed insect powders and put up castor oil.

This, however, is now a matter of the past, and from what the States man heard concerning the trouble, it appears that one day Baumgard made about two bushels of pills and spread them out on a sheet in the back yard to dry in the sun, preparatory to placing them in vials for selling to customers.

After the pills had been arranged so that they would catch the full force of the sun, Baumgard went into the fore part of the store to fill a prescription and while he was gone an old Shanghai rooster belonging to Snider flew up on the back fence and peeped down into the back yard, and saw what he believed to be a spread of choice white peas; and he commenced to cluck with the greatest satisfaction, and to shake his tail feathers as if to say: "I've struck a real bonanza.” The old rooster, who had eight wives and about as many sweethearts in Snider's yard, concluded to invite

the entire family to a pea dinner, so he strutted along the top of the fence and joyfully informed the hens and young roosters of his discovery, and told them to come over and dine with him at once. As scratching was bad that day in Snider's yard, all the chickens, young and old, accepted the invitation without delay, and the next moment Baumgard's pills were being swallowed as fast as a set of hungry chickens could work their beaks.

"This is quite a treat, is it not?" remarked the old Shanghai to the little speckled pullet, after he had filled his craw with about a dozen or more of the pills.

Yes, indeed," murmured the little pullet, "it is just too nice for anything, because the peas are delicious."

I am glad you like the meal, Miss Pullet," said the Shanghai, as he stood on one leg and looked fondly down upon her, "and your company to dinner will always be a source of great pleasure to me," and while the little pullet blushed at the compliment, the Shanghai ran around her in a circle a couple of times, and scratched his left wing, which in chicken manners amounts to a display of great respect and esteem.

"You are always so kind, Mr. Shanghai,” said a matronly looking hen, "because when you find anything nice you will not touch it unless your friends share it with you."

'Thanks, Mrs. Dominicker; but you flatter me when you say that," and the old rooster stretched himself, and after a low bow, stalked about feeling that he was the boss of the world.

He did not think so long, for suddenly a feeling of uncertainty struck him about the pit of the stomach, and he began to appear agitated, and the next moment he was turning around, first one way then another, in great distress of mind.

pain. About the same time in the evening, Baumgard came out in the back yard to gather up his pills, but they had gone.

The truth dawned upon him at once, and looking over the fence he saw Snider, and Snider saw him, and they glared at each other.

"I say, Snider," said Baumgard, "vy mit de devil don't you keep your tam schickens mit dere coops in? Dey have eat more as five hundred uf my liver pills."

Vell, vy in de tamnation," yelled Snider, "you trows your poison all de time about and kills my schickens? Dells me dat, und I makes you bay for dose schickens if dere vas any law in dis world."

I bays for nodding," howled Baumgard, as he shook his fist at Snider's head. I lose my medicine und my pills by dose tam schickens, und if you vill come mit de sidevalk out, den ve purty tam soon see who have de money.

"If I goes dere I knocks your eye avay!" screamed Snider, and then both made a rush for the street, and the next moment the friends of many years rolled each other all over the sidewalk until they were separated by neighbors.

Counter suits have been filed by Baumgard and Snider, and the judge says that it will be difficult to decide who is entitled to damages.-New Orleans States.

FIGHTING FISH.

"In China," the first speaker said, they have a method of fishing that possesses more originality than any of these. The fishermen on the rivers tame a species of cormorant to fish for them, and bind a leather band about its neck, and when the fish is sighted the bird is sent over, and they show much intelligence. If the fish is too large for the bird another goes to its assistance, striking it with its bill about the head, and clinging to it despite its struggles. But the most remarkable method is that seen in some of the boats near Canton. They set low in the water. and from the gunwale, extending off at an angle of forty-five degrees, is a board painted to resemble the water, so that it appears a continuation of it. Now when a school of fishes approach, the birds are sent out, not to catch them, but to drive them towards the boat, and as they near it the birds come with a rush, the fish jumping fairly

into the boat, evidently mistaking it for water. Fishes themselves are not far behind as fishermen. There are several that use rods and lines and are the genuine Waltons of the sea. One of the most interesting is the lophius that has several front spines that work exactly like a hook in a staple, and bend forward, working back and forth in obedience to the will of the angler. The first rod is about ten inches long, and the end is baited with a piece of flesh that seems to attract the small fry. In fishing, the angler lies flat on the bottom, its form being concealed by its resemblance to the general surroundings, and the rod is slowly lowered over the mouth and waved up and down. The small fish seeing it darts at it, and it is slowly raised until the victim is directly over the enormous mouth which opens and engulfs him. The malthea, or bat fish of the southern coast has a similar arrangement. Its rod is not so long, consisting of a mere bait that lies over the head and can be raised or lowered at will. Another, the sly epibulus, relies upon its long telescopic mouth. Lying in the weeds it merely shoots out its long proboscis-like mouth, bones and all, and grasps the passer-by without moving."-New York Sun.

WAIFS.

Wasn't Adam the first man to sell the race?

"Well, that, is her privilege. "Bill, your wife is fearfully ugly." but she abuses the privilege.' "Yes,

"

"Men may come and men may go, but Heaven defend us from the man who comes but never goes."

Some men carry their lives in their hands. That is why some men have such unclean hands.

If religion does not make a man heartsome and pleasant at home, it is of no particular benefit to a family.

Very neat: A federal soldier has applied for a pension at Washington for a broken leg, got in bounty jumping.

"What is this man charged with?" asked the judge. "With whisky, yer honor," replied the sententious policeman.

Before going to war, pray once; before going to sea, pray twice; before getting married, pray three times. -Russian Proverb.

Straws show which way the wind blows, but it is frequently necessary for the toper to raise the wind before he can get at the straws.

"Who was the meekest man?" asked a Sunday-school teacher. "Mcses." "Very well; who was the meekest woman?" "Never was any."

Astronomers now say there are seven spots on the face of the sun. They'll have Old Sol down sick with the smallpox before long, if they don't look out.

A printer's boy went to see a preacher's daughter. The next Sunday the text happened to be, "My daughter is grievously tormented with a devil."

tatoes.

Some one wrote to Horace Greeley, inquiring if guano was good to put on powhose tastes had become vitiated with He said it might do for those tobacco and rum, but he preferred gravy and butter.

It doesn't do to lay every calamity to Providence. I knowed a nigger once that preached a long sermon bout a man's house getting burned up while the man was off fishing one Sunday. But I'm bressed if dat very same Sunday afternoon the lightning didn't strike dat nigger's church, and kill dat same nigger in his pulpit.

Scientific.

[From the Manufacturer and Builder.]

EATING BEFORE SLEEPING.

The notion is widely prevalent that it is unhealthy to eat late at night, or just before retiring. This came from the severe denunciation of "late suppers" contained in nearly all the old popular works on diet. But it was the midnight debauch that was the object of attack; and even here it was less the gluttony than the drunkenness which alarmed the doctors and called forth their reprehensions. A man may induce apoplexy by gorging himself with food at any hour of the day.

Man is the only animal that can be taught to sleep quietly on an empty stomach. The brute creation resent all efforts to coax them to such a violation of the laws of nature. The lion roars in the forest until he has found his prey. The horse will paw all night in the stable and the pig in the pen, refusing to rest or sleep until they are fed. The animals which chew the cud have their own provision for a late meal just before dropping off to their night slumbers.

Man can train himself to the habit of sleeping without a preceding meal, but only after long years of practice. As he comes into the world nature is too strong for him, and he must be fed before he will sleep. A child's stomach is small, and when perfectly filled, if no sickness disturbs it, sleep follows naturally and inevitably. As digestion goes on the stomach begins to empty. A single fold in it will make the little sleeper restless; two will awaken it, and if it is hushed again to repose, the nap is short, and three folds put an end to the slumber. Paregoric or other narcotic may close its eyes again, but without either food or some stupefying drug it will not sleep, no matter how healthy it may be. Not even an angel, who learned the art of minstrelsy in a celestial choir, can sing a baby to sleep on an empty stomach.

It is a fact established beyond the possibility of contradiction that sleep aids digestion, and that the process of digestion is conducive to refreshing sleep. It needs no argument to convince us of this mutual relation. The drowsiness which always follows a well-ordered meal is itself a testimony of nature to this interdependence.

The waste of human life by neglect of the lesson is very great. The daily wear and tear of the body might be restored more fully than it usually is if this simple rule were not systematically violated.

HOW TO FALL ASLEEP.

I had often noticed that when engaged in deep thought, particularly at night, there seemed to be something like a compression of the eyelids, the upper ones especially, and the eyes themselves were apparently turned upward, as if looking in that direction. This invariably occurred; and the moment that, by an effort, I arrested the course of thought, and freed the mind from the subject with which it was engaged, the eyes resumed their normal position, and the compression of the lids ceased. Now it occurred to me one night that I would not allow the eyes to turn upward, but keep them determinedly in the opposite direction, as if looking down; and having done so for a time, I found the mind did not revert to thoughts with which it had been occupied, and I soon fell asleep. I tried the plan again with the same result and after an experience of two years, Í can truly say that, unless when something especially annoying or worrying occurred, I have always been able to go to sleep sleep very shortly after retiring to rest. There may occasionally be some difficulty in keeping the eyes in the position I have described, but a determined effort to do so is all that is required, and I am certain that if kept in the down-looking position it will be found that composure and sleep will be the result. It may be said that as the continued effort to keep the eye-balls in a certain position so diverts the attention as to free the mind from the disagreeable subject with which it had been engaged, sleep will follow as a natural consequence. It is not improbable that this is, to some extent, correct; and, if so, it is well that, by means so simple and so easily adopted, such a desirable result can be secured. But I think this is not the only nor the principal reason. The position in which the eyes should be kept is the natural one; they are at ease in it, and when there is no compression of the lids or knitting of the brows, the muscles connected with and surrounding the eyes are relaxed. This condition is much more favorable to sleep than mental activity or deep thought.