THE DEACON'S MISTAKE

"Sister Henderson," said Deacon Hyphers severely, "you should avoid even the appearance of evil."

'Why, Deacon, what do you mean ?" asked Sister Henderson.

"I observed that on your sideboard you have several cut-glass decanters, and that each of them is half filled with what appears to be ardent spirits."

"Well, now, Deacon, it isn't anything of the kind. The bottles look so pretty on the sideboard that I just filled them half-way with some floor stain and furniture polish, just for appearances."

"That's why I am cautioning you, Sister," replied the Deacon. "Feeling a trifle faint I helped myself to a dose from the big bottle in the middle."

INSTRUCTIONS BY THE COURT

A tariff expert of Kansas City said in a recent address:

"The average tariff argument is amusing in its ignorance. It reminds me of a certain Kansas City police court.

"A policeman rose in this court to testify against a prisoner.

666 Wot's this here feller charged with? the magistrate demanded.

"Bigotry, judge,' the police answered. He's got three wives.'

"Three!' cried the magistrate. 'Why, you ignoramus, that ain't bigotry. That's trigonometry!""

NOT BAD

One of the stories around town concerns a man who caught a heavy cold during the changeable weather and concluded to take a spell in bed. His wife came into the room and said:

་་

Jim, there's a visitor for you."

"Oh, shucks," Jim growled; “I'm too sick to see anybody."

"But it's our pastor."

"Thunder! I ain't sick enough to

see him."

UNGRACIOUS

Lean and unshaven, with fringed trouser ends and a handkerchief tied around his neck in lieu of a collar, a needy actor approached a successful chap who had a horseshoe diamond pin in his red necktie, and a sealskin lining to his overcoat.

"Pardon me, George," said the needy actor, "but there's a piece of lint on your collar, and can you lend me a five spot?" The successful actor frowned like a thunder cloud.

"No, I can't," he roared, "and put back that piece of lint."

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A UNIQUE UNIFORM

A band had been formed at a Western Normal School, and, as is frequent in such cases, there was not enough money at first for complete uniforms. However the following notice in the school paper created quite a sensation :

"The Normal School band uniforms will consist of a cap and coat at first, with the probable addition of trousers at a later date."