NEEDED REPAIRS

The rumbling and groaning train had been toiling along from Memphis, Tennessee, toward Bald Knob, Arkansas, all through the hot afternoon. The stops had been frequent, but at last came one of unusual duration. After a tiresome interval, the conductor walked back through the mosquito-punctuated aisles until his glance met a sympathetic face. He bent over the kindly-looking passenger, and whispered:

"Stranger, have you a bit of string about you? The engine's broke."

PROBABLY SHE WOULD

Mrs. Newbride came hurriedly into her husband's study one morning.

"Herbert, dear," she said, "this recipe for lemon pie says to sit on a hot stove and stir constantly."

"Well, Alice," replied the doting husband, "if you do sit on a hot stove I think you will find that you will stir constantly."

NO PLACE FOR BURGLARS

Two amateur burglars were reconnoitering a neighborhood. One pointed out a prosperous-looking house as a likely subject for their efforts.

I

Nope," said the other. "'Tain't worth while crackin' that house. looked through the winder, and they're so durn poor that two ladies actually had to play on one piano."

FORETHOUGHT

Mrs. Whann, the weeping widow of a well-known man, requested that the words My sorrow is greater than I can bear" be placed upon the marble slab of her dear departed.

A few months later the lady returned and asked how much it would cost her to have the inscription effaced and another substituted.

"No need of that, marm," replied the man, soothingly; "you see, I left jes' enough room to add alone.'

A SYMPATHETIC DOG

The fare at a certain boarding-house was very poor. A boarder who had been there for some time, because he could not get away, was standing in the hall when the landlord rang the dinner-bell. WhereJupon an old dog that was lying outside on a rug commenced to howl mournfully. The boarder watched him a little while, and then said:

"What on earth are you howling for? You don't have to eat it!"