TERRIFIED TOMMY

Little Tommy at the "movies" saw a tribe of Indians painting their faces, and asked his mother the significance of this.

"Indians," his mother answered, “always paint their faces before going on the war-path-before scalping and tomahawking and murdering."

The next evening after dinner, as the mother entertained in the parlor her daughter's young man, Tommy rushed down-stairs, wide-eyed with fright.

"Come on, mother!" he cried. "Let's get out of this quick! Sister is going on the war-path!”

DIDN'T WANT TO TALK SHOP

Dr. C―, who was called to the far end of Long Island to extract an appendix, missed the last train back, stayed over night in a miserable hotel, and was waited on at breakfast by a sallow and cadaverous country girl. Said she:

"Boiled tongue, stewed kidneys, fried liver."

Said he :

"Hang your symptoms! Bring me something to eat!"

A REAL HELPMATE

The guests had departed after the dinner party, and the young doctor came back into the dining-room, his countenance beaming with pleasure. "My dear," he said to his wife," I congratulate you. I think our party was a tremendous

success.

"I hope it will prove so," said the young wife; "I gave them the richest and most indigestible food I could think of."

WHY HE PRAYED LOUD

Dick and Jimmy were spending a few days with their grandmother, who spoils them as grandmothers will.

He

One night they were saying their prayers and little Jimmy vociferated his petitions to the Heavenly Throne in a voice that could be heard a mile. was telling the Divine Providence what he wanted for Christmas, and his enthusiasm in the cause got on his brother's

nerves.

"What are you praying for Christmas presents so loud for?" interrupted Dick. "Th' Lord ain't deaf."

"No," whispered Jimmy, "but grandma is."

QUEEN IN DANGER

A well-known Scotch professor was occasionally called up to Balmoral to attend the late Queen, Victoria, and was extremely proud of the honor. One day a notice appeared in the university which stated that Prof. could not! attend his classes that day as he had been called up to Balmoral to see the queen. A waggish student who'saw the notice wrote underneath it: "God save the Queen."