PUNCTUATION MARKS Returning from school the other afternoon, a little girl informed her mother that she had learned how to" puncshate." "Well, dear," said her mother," and how is it done?" "Why, when you write Hark!' you put a hat-pin after it; and when you ask a question you put a button-hook." THE FIRST MAN In a schoolroom during a review of history since the creation, the examining teacher asked: "Who was the first man ?" "Washington," hastily replied a bright boy, quoting a familiar slogan, " First in war, first in peace, first Wrong! Adam was the first." "Oh," the pupil sniffed disgustedly, "if you are talking about foreigners WHAT THE AUDIENCE WAS DOING A weary and dejected theatrical troupe, after an unsuccessful trip, arrived in a small New Jersey town. A fair-sized audience witnessed the first performance without furor, although there was enough hand-clapping to arouse the troupe's wavering spirits. The leading man promptly stepped to the footlights and bowed profoundly, but still the clapping continued. As he went behind the scenes he encountered an Irish stage hand. "I guess that's some acting," said the Thespian, throwing out his chest. "What d' yez mane-th' handclappin'?" inquired the Irishman. " " Why, surely. How better could they show their appreciation of my acting? "That's not appreciation, man," said the stage hand; "that's the audience killin' mosquitoes." WANTED A MAN Before the fire Christmas eve two old maids were planning for the holiday. "Sister Mollie," said the younger, "would a long stocking hold all you'd want for a Christmas gift?" "No, Elvira," said the elder; "but a pair of socks would." THE MINISTER'S PARTING SHOT The minister had just preached his farewell sermon to the congregation with whom he had had much trouble. "How beautiful!" said a visitor to one of the deacons," and how appropriate for a farewell sermon !" “Think so?" said the deacon gruffly. Why, yes. What better text could he find than In My Father's house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you.' By the way, where is he going?" The deacon smiled sourly as he answered: "He becomes chaplain of the State penitentiary." |