Shear Nonsense: A Collection of Mirth-provoking Stories for All OccasionsG.W. Jacobs & Company, 1914 - 240 pages |
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Results 1-5 of 11
Page 17
... Judge ; " and what will happen if you do not tell the truth ? " " Well , sah , " was the hesitating an- swer , " Ah expects ouah side'll win de case , sah . " THE EFFICIENCY TEST ་ ་ In the modern business world 17 SHEAR NONSENSE.
... Judge ; " and what will happen if you do not tell the truth ? " " Well , sah , " was the hesitating an- swer , " Ah expects ouah side'll win de case , sah . " THE EFFICIENCY TEST ་ ་ In the modern business world 17 SHEAR NONSENSE.
Page 21
... Judge charged with stealing chick- ens . He pleaded guilty and received sentence , when the Judge asked how it was he managed to lift those chickens right under the window of the owner's house when there was a dog loose in the yard ...
... Judge charged with stealing chick- ens . He pleaded guilty and received sentence , when the Judge asked how it was he managed to lift those chickens right under the window of the owner's house when there was a dog loose in the yard ...
Page 55
... Judge lectured him severely on his long criminal record and then sentenced him to thirty - six years ' imprisonment saying that the court had no feeling of anger toward him , but only of pity . The prisoner listened stolidly , and said ...
... Judge lectured him severely on his long criminal record and then sentenced him to thirty - six years ' imprisonment saying that the court had no feeling of anger toward him , but only of pity . The prisoner listened stolidly , and said ...
Page 82
... judge mildly suggested that she might do that also , but was rather taken aback when the old lady said , " Na , na ; there's nae law to compel a woman to take off her hat . " Rather nettled , the judge said , " My good woman , you ...
... judge mildly suggested that she might do that also , but was rather taken aback when the old lady said , " Na , na ; there's nae law to compel a woman to take off her hat . " Rather nettled , the judge said , " My good woman , you ...
Page 88
... Judge , the fine for overspeeding is only fifteen dollars . ” " Ya - as , I know , " said the justice . The thutty - two dollars is fer contempt o ' court . " " But I haven't expressed any con- tempt for this court , " protested Wiggle ...
... Judge , the fine for overspeeding is only fifteen dollars . ” " Ya - as , I know , " said the justice . The thutty - two dollars is fer contempt o ' court . " " But I haven't expressed any con- tempt for this court , " protested Wiggle ...
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Popular passages
Page 65 - little fib." ANITA — "A fib is the same as a story, and a story is the same as a lie." NELLY— "No, it is not." ANITA — "Yes, it is, because my father said so, and my father is a professor at the university.
Page 29 - We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
Page 64 - A traveler in Indiana noticed that a farmer was having trouble with his horse. It would start, go slowly for a short distance, and then stop again. Thereupon the farmer would have great difficulty in getting it started. Finally the traveler approached and asked, solicitously: "Is your horse sick?
Page 103 - Worth, asked to tell in his own way how the accident happened, said : "Well, Ole and I was walking down the track, and I heard a whistle, and I got off the track, and the train went by, and I got back on the track, and I didn't see Ole; but I walked along, and pretty soon I seen Ole's hat, and I walked on, and seen one of Ole's legs, and then I seen one of Ole's arms and then another leg, and then over one side Ole's head, and I says, 'My God ! Something muster happen to Ole...
Page 32 - does a bride invariably desire to be clothed in white at her marriage?" As no one answered, he explained. "White," said he, "stands for joy, and the wedding-day is the most joyous occasion of a woman's life.
Page 131 - Works had to lay off an argumentative Irishman named Pat, so he saved discussion by putting the discharge in writing. The next day Pat was missing, but a week later the boss was passing through the shop and he saw him again at his lathe. Going up to the Irishman, he demanded fiercely: "Didn't you get my letter?
Page 83 - A certain prominent lawyer of Toronto is in the habit of lecturing his office staff from the junior partner down, and Tommy, the office boy, comes in for his full share of the admonition. That his words were appreciated was made evident to the lawyer by a conversation between Tommy and another office boy on the same floor which he recently overheard. "Wotcher wages?" asked the other boy. "Ten thousand a year,
Page 140 - There was a man named Elijah. He had some bears and lived in a cave. Some boys tormented him. He said, 'If you keep on throwing stones at me, I'll turn the bears on you, and they will eat you up.' And they did, and he did, and the bears did.
Page 133 - Rest in Peace" on both sides, and if there is room, "We Shall Meet in Heaven.
Page 128 - you had better pinch one or two to make sure they are ripe." Little Willie flitted away. Soon he came back and smilingly put the bag on the teacher's desk. "Oh, thank you, Willie," said the teacher, taking up the bag. 'Did you pinch one or two as I told you to do?" "Did I?" was the gleeful response. "I pinched the whole bagful and here's your ten cents.