Shear Nonsense: A Collection of Mirth-provoking Stories for All OccasionsG.W. Jacobs & Company, 1914 - 240 pages |
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Page 8
... of him , except your May we say to him , with a view to his immediate recovery , that we have your check , as we think that is what is on his mind . " name . ૨૬ HE KNEW WHERE IT WAS A gentleman who was 8 SHEAR NONSENSE.
... of him , except your May we say to him , with a view to his immediate recovery , that we have your check , as we think that is what is on his mind . " name . ૨૬ HE KNEW WHERE IT WAS A gentleman who was 8 SHEAR NONSENSE.
Page 9
... What's the matter ? " asked the wife anxiously . " I've swallowed the collar - button , " said the man . " Well , " responded his better half , " for once in your life you know where it is . " NOT NEEDED While a traveling man was ...
... What's the matter ? " asked the wife anxiously . " I've swallowed the collar - button , " said the man . " Well , " responded his better half , " for once in your life you know where it is . " NOT NEEDED While a traveling man was ...
Page 10
... What was them ' ere that feller bot ? " " Nightshirts . Can I sell you one or two ? " " Naup , I reckon not , " said the Mis- sourian . " I don't set around much o ' nights . " SHE WAS SAFE Old lady ( to motorman on her ΤΟ SHEAR NONSENSE.
... What was them ' ere that feller bot ? " " Nightshirts . Can I sell you one or two ? " " Naup , I reckon not , " said the Mis- sourian . " I don't set around much o ' nights . " SHE WAS SAFE Old lady ( to motorman on her ΤΟ SHEAR NONSENSE.
Page 12
... What does it say there ? " A boy answered : " Moses , 4000. " " Now , " said the teacher , " you have all seen that before . Why didn't you know when Moses lived ? " " Well , " replied the boy , " I thought it was his telephone number ...
... What does it say there ? " A boy answered : " Moses , 4000. " " Now , " said the teacher , " you have all seen that before . Why didn't you know when Moses lived ? " " Well , " replied the boy , " I thought it was his telephone number ...
Page 13
... what would happen . The other man's lawyer would ask your occupation . And you'd say : " I'm a writer of fiction . ' " And the lawyer would say : " That is quite enough , Mr. Cobb . You may stand down . ' ” EXEMPT The solemn Sabbath air ...
... what would happen . The other man's lawyer would ask your occupation . And you'd say : " I'm a writer of fiction . ' " And the lawyer would say : " That is quite enough , Mr. Cobb . You may stand down . ' ” EXEMPT The solemn Sabbath air ...
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Shear Nonsense: A Collection of Mirth-Provoking Stories for All Occasions Anonymous No preview available - 2015 |
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ain't answered asked Band of Mercy Bobby called Campton child church colored Connecticut court cried Deacon dear dinna doctor Doctor of Divinity dollars eggs exclaimed eyes farewell sermon farmer father Fly swatter gentleman gits golf Good-morning hand hear heard Holy smoke horse hour inquired Irishman Jane Jimmy Judge knew lawyer little boy little girl Little Willie look ma'am Madam mammy MARK TWAIN Mike minister morning mother Murphy negro neighbors Newsboy nice night O'Brien old lady Ole's postal card question replied say your prayers Schenectady Scotch sermon small boy smiled stand STAR BOARDER stopped story Sunday Sure swered talking teacher tell thought told Tommy town turned voice w'ite as snow waiter walking What's the matter Willie woman yard young youse
Popular passages
Page 65 - little fib." ANITA — "A fib is the same as a story, and a story is the same as a lie." NELLY— "No, it is not." ANITA — "Yes, it is, because my father said so, and my father is a professor at the university.
Page 29 - We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
Page 64 - A traveler in Indiana noticed that a farmer was having trouble with his horse. It would start, go slowly for a short distance, and then stop again. Thereupon the farmer would have great difficulty in getting it started. Finally the traveler approached and asked, solicitously: "Is your horse sick?
Page 103 - Worth, asked to tell in his own way how the accident happened, said : "Well, Ole and I was walking down the track, and I heard a whistle, and I got off the track, and the train went by, and I got back on the track, and I didn't see Ole; but I walked along, and pretty soon I seen Ole's hat, and I walked on, and seen one of Ole's legs, and then I seen one of Ole's arms and then another leg, and then over one side Ole's head, and I says, 'My God ! Something muster happen to Ole...
Page 32 - does a bride invariably desire to be clothed in white at her marriage?" As no one answered, he explained. "White," said he, "stands for joy, and the wedding-day is the most joyous occasion of a woman's life.
Page 131 - Works had to lay off an argumentative Irishman named Pat, so he saved discussion by putting the discharge in writing. The next day Pat was missing, but a week later the boss was passing through the shop and he saw him again at his lathe. Going up to the Irishman, he demanded fiercely: "Didn't you get my letter?
Page 83 - A certain prominent lawyer of Toronto is in the habit of lecturing his office staff from the junior partner down, and Tommy, the office boy, comes in for his full share of the admonition. That his words were appreciated was made evident to the lawyer by a conversation between Tommy and another office boy on the same floor which he recently overheard. "Wotcher wages?" asked the other boy. "Ten thousand a year,
Page 140 - There was a man named Elijah. He had some bears and lived in a cave. Some boys tormented him. He said, 'If you keep on throwing stones at me, I'll turn the bears on you, and they will eat you up.' And they did, and he did, and the bears did.
Page 133 - Rest in Peace" on both sides, and if there is room, "We Shall Meet in Heaven.
Page 128 - you had better pinch one or two to make sure they are ripe." Little Willie flitted away. Soon he came back and smilingly put the bag on the teacher's desk. "Oh, thank you, Willie," said the teacher, taking up the bag. 'Did you pinch one or two as I told you to do?" "Did I?" was the gleeful response. "I pinched the whole bagful and here's your ten cents.