Shear Nonsense: A Collection of Mirth-provoking Stories for All OccasionsG.W. Jacobs & Company, 1914 - 240 pages |
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Page 78
... continued . As he went behind the scenes he encountered an Irish stage hand . " I guess that's some acting , " said the Thespian , throwing out his chest . " What d ' yez mane - th ' hand- clappin ' ? " inquired the Irishman . " " Why ...
... continued . As he went behind the scenes he encountered an Irish stage hand . " I guess that's some acting , " said the Thespian , throwing out his chest . " What d ' yez mane - th ' hand- clappin ' ? " inquired the Irishman . " " Why ...
Page 132
... continued the woman anx- iously , " do you make any inquiries as to the origin of the fire ? " " Certainly , " was the prompt reply ; " we make the most careful inquiries , madam . " ་ " Oh ! " - and she turned to leave the office " I ...
... continued the woman anx- iously , " do you make any inquiries as to the origin of the fire ? " " Certainly , " was the prompt reply ; " we make the most careful inquiries , madam . " ་ " Oh ! " - and she turned to leave the office " I ...
Page 194
... " said the waiter . 66 66 And , " continued the customer , " while you're away you might send me a postal card every now and then . " EXPERIENCED The ladies were discussing a wedding which took place 194 SHEAR NONSENSE.
... " said the waiter . 66 66 And , " continued the customer , " while you're away you might send me a postal card every now and then . " EXPERIENCED The ladies were discussing a wedding which took place 194 SHEAR NONSENSE.
Page 195
... continued the first and best - informed lady of the party , " just as Frank and the widow started up the aisle to the altar every light in the church went out . " This startling bit of information was greeted by a number of " Oh's ...
... continued the first and best - informed lady of the party , " just as Frank and the widow started up the aisle to the altar every light in the church went out . " This startling bit of information was greeted by a number of " Oh's ...
Page 220
... " replied the caller wonder- ingly , " and what is her belief ? " " Why , " continued the hostess , " she believes she can wear a number three shoe on a number six foot . " IN THEIR STEPS " Look here , now , Harold 220 SHEAR NONSENSE.
... " replied the caller wonder- ingly , " and what is her belief ? " " Why , " continued the hostess , " she believes she can wear a number three shoe on a number six foot . " IN THEIR STEPS " Look here , now , Harold 220 SHEAR NONSENSE.
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Popular passages
Page 65 - little fib." ANITA — "A fib is the same as a story, and a story is the same as a lie." NELLY— "No, it is not." ANITA — "Yes, it is, because my father said so, and my father is a professor at the university.
Page 29 - We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
Page 64 - A traveler in Indiana noticed that a farmer was having trouble with his horse. It would start, go slowly for a short distance, and then stop again. Thereupon the farmer would have great difficulty in getting it started. Finally the traveler approached and asked, solicitously: "Is your horse sick?
Page 103 - Worth, asked to tell in his own way how the accident happened, said : "Well, Ole and I was walking down the track, and I heard a whistle, and I got off the track, and the train went by, and I got back on the track, and I didn't see Ole; but I walked along, and pretty soon I seen Ole's hat, and I walked on, and seen one of Ole's legs, and then I seen one of Ole's arms and then another leg, and then over one side Ole's head, and I says, 'My God ! Something muster happen to Ole...
Page 32 - does a bride invariably desire to be clothed in white at her marriage?" As no one answered, he explained. "White," said he, "stands for joy, and the wedding-day is the most joyous occasion of a woman's life.
Page 131 - Works had to lay off an argumentative Irishman named Pat, so he saved discussion by putting the discharge in writing. The next day Pat was missing, but a week later the boss was passing through the shop and he saw him again at his lathe. Going up to the Irishman, he demanded fiercely: "Didn't you get my letter?
Page 83 - A certain prominent lawyer of Toronto is in the habit of lecturing his office staff from the junior partner down, and Tommy, the office boy, comes in for his full share of the admonition. That his words were appreciated was made evident to the lawyer by a conversation between Tommy and another office boy on the same floor which he recently overheard. "Wotcher wages?" asked the other boy. "Ten thousand a year,
Page 140 - There was a man named Elijah. He had some bears and lived in a cave. Some boys tormented him. He said, 'If you keep on throwing stones at me, I'll turn the bears on you, and they will eat you up.' And they did, and he did, and the bears did.
Page 133 - Rest in Peace" on both sides, and if there is room, "We Shall Meet in Heaven.
Page 128 - you had better pinch one or two to make sure they are ripe." Little Willie flitted away. Soon he came back and smilingly put the bag on the teacher's desk. "Oh, thank you, Willie," said the teacher, taking up the bag. 'Did you pinch one or two as I told you to do?" "Did I?" was the gleeful response. "I pinched the whole bagful and here's your ten cents.