Shear Nonsense: A Collection of Mirth-provoking Stories for All OccasionsG.W. Jacobs & Company, 1914 - 240 pages |
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Page 78
... . How better could they show their appreciation of my acting ? " That's not appreciation , man , " said the stage hand ; " that's the audience killin ' mosquitoes . " WANTED A MAN Before the fire Christmas eve two old 78 SHEAR NONSENSE.
... . How better could they show their appreciation of my acting ? " That's not appreciation , man , " said the stage hand ; " that's the audience killin ' mosquitoes . " WANTED A MAN Before the fire Christmas eve two old 78 SHEAR NONSENSE.
Page 79
... fire Christmas eve two old maids were planning for the holiday . " Sister Mollie , " said the younger , " would a long stocking hold all you'd want for a Christmas gift ? " " No , Elvira , " said the elder ; " but a pair of socks would ...
... fire Christmas eve two old maids were planning for the holiday . " Sister Mollie , " said the younger , " would a long stocking hold all you'd want for a Christmas gift ? " " No , Elvira , " said the elder ; " but a pair of socks would ...
Page 130
... fire , happened in a church one day when a collection was being taken for foreign missions . Eventually the collector reached Tight , but Tight didn't make any motions like producing beautiful coin . " Pardon me , " said the collector ...
... fire , happened in a church one day when a collection was being taken for foreign missions . Eventually the collector reached Tight , but Tight didn't make any motions like producing beautiful coin . " Pardon me , " said the collector ...
Page 132
... fire ? " " Certainly , " was the prompt reply ; " we make the most careful inquiries , madam . " ་ " Oh ! " - and she turned to leave the office " I thought there was a catch in it somewhere . " HE FOLLOWED DIRECTIONS His relatives ...
... fire ? " " Certainly , " was the prompt reply ; " we make the most careful inquiries , madam . " ་ " Oh ! " - and she turned to leave the office " I thought there was a catch in it somewhere . " HE FOLLOWED DIRECTIONS His relatives ...
Page 151
... fire now . " Husband . " Nonsense , my my love ! Your getting up to light the fire makes me love you all the more . " ETHEL'S GUESS A Southern mother was questioning her little daughter 151 SHEAR NONSENSE.
... fire now . " Husband . " Nonsense , my my love ! Your getting up to light the fire makes me love you all the more . " ETHEL'S GUESS A Southern mother was questioning her little daughter 151 SHEAR NONSENSE.
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Shear Nonsense: A Collection of Mirth-Provoking Stories for All Occasions Anonymous No preview available - 2015 |
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Popular passages
Page 65 - little fib." ANITA — "A fib is the same as a story, and a story is the same as a lie." NELLY— "No, it is not." ANITA — "Yes, it is, because my father said so, and my father is a professor at the university.
Page 29 - We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
Page 64 - A traveler in Indiana noticed that a farmer was having trouble with his horse. It would start, go slowly for a short distance, and then stop again. Thereupon the farmer would have great difficulty in getting it started. Finally the traveler approached and asked, solicitously: "Is your horse sick?
Page 103 - Worth, asked to tell in his own way how the accident happened, said : "Well, Ole and I was walking down the track, and I heard a whistle, and I got off the track, and the train went by, and I got back on the track, and I didn't see Ole; but I walked along, and pretty soon I seen Ole's hat, and I walked on, and seen one of Ole's legs, and then I seen one of Ole's arms and then another leg, and then over one side Ole's head, and I says, 'My God ! Something muster happen to Ole...
Page 32 - does a bride invariably desire to be clothed in white at her marriage?" As no one answered, he explained. "White," said he, "stands for joy, and the wedding-day is the most joyous occasion of a woman's life.
Page 131 - Works had to lay off an argumentative Irishman named Pat, so he saved discussion by putting the discharge in writing. The next day Pat was missing, but a week later the boss was passing through the shop and he saw him again at his lathe. Going up to the Irishman, he demanded fiercely: "Didn't you get my letter?
Page 83 - A certain prominent lawyer of Toronto is in the habit of lecturing his office staff from the junior partner down, and Tommy, the office boy, comes in for his full share of the admonition. That his words were appreciated was made evident to the lawyer by a conversation between Tommy and another office boy on the same floor which he recently overheard. "Wotcher wages?" asked the other boy. "Ten thousand a year,
Page 140 - There was a man named Elijah. He had some bears and lived in a cave. Some boys tormented him. He said, 'If you keep on throwing stones at me, I'll turn the bears on you, and they will eat you up.' And they did, and he did, and the bears did.
Page 133 - Rest in Peace" on both sides, and if there is room, "We Shall Meet in Heaven.
Page 128 - you had better pinch one or two to make sure they are ripe." Little Willie flitted away. Soon he came back and smilingly put the bag on the teacher's desk. "Oh, thank you, Willie," said the teacher, taking up the bag. 'Did you pinch one or two as I told you to do?" "Did I?" was the gleeful response. "I pinched the whole bagful and here's your ten cents.