Shear Nonsense: A Collection of Mirth-provoking Stories for All OccasionsG.W. Jacobs & Company, 1914 - 240 pages |
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Results 1-5 of 8
Page 53
... ma'am , thank you , " the bride answered . 66 " Is your husband a good provider ? " " Yes , ' deed he am , ma'am , " said Mandy , enthusiastically . Why , jes ' dis las ' week , ma'am , he got me six new places to wash at . " CORNERING ...
... ma'am , thank you , " the bride answered . 66 " Is your husband a good provider ? " " Yes , ' deed he am , ma'am , " said Mandy , enthusiastically . Why , jes ' dis las ' week , ma'am , he got me six new places to wash at . " CORNERING ...
Page 127
... ma'am , " he asked pityingly , " ain't you never seen a cat ? " A FAITHFUL SERVITOR The teacher wanted some plums in order 127 SHEAR NONSENSE.
... ma'am , " he asked pityingly , " ain't you never seen a cat ? " A FAITHFUL SERVITOR The teacher wanted some plums in order 127 SHEAR NONSENSE.
Page 179
... ma'am . That's the proprietor . " A ROMANTIC SIMILE They were walking out together on a 179 SHEAR NONSENSE.
... ma'am . That's the proprietor . " A ROMANTIC SIMILE They were walking out together on a 179 SHEAR NONSENSE.
Page 184
... ma'am , the ' quick ' are the ones that get out of the way of automo- biles ; the ' dead ' are the ones that don't . " THE DIVISION Three Germans had been doing an odd job 184 SHEAR NONSENSE.
... ma'am , the ' quick ' are the ones that get out of the way of automo- biles ; the ' dead ' are the ones that don't . " THE DIVISION Three Germans had been doing an odd job 184 SHEAR NONSENSE.
Page 187
... ma'am ? " cried the hired girl . Mrs. Sprague , her eyes blinded with tears , pointed to the packing - case , where- on was stenciled in large black letters : " BILL INSIDE . " GREATER SATISFACTION A tramp applied for help at a house ...
... ma'am ? " cried the hired girl . Mrs. Sprague , her eyes blinded with tears , pointed to the packing - case , where- on was stenciled in large black letters : " BILL INSIDE . " GREATER SATISFACTION A tramp applied for help at a house ...
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ain't answered asked Band of Mercy Bobby called Campton child church colored Connecticut court cried Deacon dear dinna doctor Doctor of Divinity dollars eggs exclaimed eyes farewell sermon farmer father Fly swatter gentleman gits golf Good-morning hand hear heard Holy smoke horse hour inquired Irishman Jane Jimmy Judge knew lawyer little boy little girl Little Willie look ma'am Madam mammy MARK TWAIN Mike minister morning mother Murphy negro neighbors Newsboy nice night O'Brien old lady Ole's postal card question replied say your prayers Schenectady Scotch sermon small boy smiled stand STAR BOARDER stopped story Sunday Sure swered talking teacher tell thought told Tommy town turned voice w'ite as snow waiter walking What's the matter Willie woman yard young youse
Popular passages
Page 65 - little fib." ANITA — "A fib is the same as a story, and a story is the same as a lie." NELLY— "No, it is not." ANITA — "Yes, it is, because my father said so, and my father is a professor at the university.
Page 29 - We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
Page 64 - A traveler in Indiana noticed that a farmer was having trouble with his horse. It would start, go slowly for a short distance, and then stop again. Thereupon the farmer would have great difficulty in getting it started. Finally the traveler approached and asked, solicitously: "Is your horse sick?
Page 103 - Worth, asked to tell in his own way how the accident happened, said : "Well, Ole and I was walking down the track, and I heard a whistle, and I got off the track, and the train went by, and I got back on the track, and I didn't see Ole; but I walked along, and pretty soon I seen Ole's hat, and I walked on, and seen one of Ole's legs, and then I seen one of Ole's arms and then another leg, and then over one side Ole's head, and I says, 'My God ! Something muster happen to Ole...
Page 32 - does a bride invariably desire to be clothed in white at her marriage?" As no one answered, he explained. "White," said he, "stands for joy, and the wedding-day is the most joyous occasion of a woman's life.
Page 131 - Works had to lay off an argumentative Irishman named Pat, so he saved discussion by putting the discharge in writing. The next day Pat was missing, but a week later the boss was passing through the shop and he saw him again at his lathe. Going up to the Irishman, he demanded fiercely: "Didn't you get my letter?
Page 83 - A certain prominent lawyer of Toronto is in the habit of lecturing his office staff from the junior partner down, and Tommy, the office boy, comes in for his full share of the admonition. That his words were appreciated was made evident to the lawyer by a conversation between Tommy and another office boy on the same floor which he recently overheard. "Wotcher wages?" asked the other boy. "Ten thousand a year,
Page 140 - There was a man named Elijah. He had some bears and lived in a cave. Some boys tormented him. He said, 'If you keep on throwing stones at me, I'll turn the bears on you, and they will eat you up.' And they did, and he did, and the bears did.
Page 133 - Rest in Peace" on both sides, and if there is room, "We Shall Meet in Heaven.
Page 128 - you had better pinch one or two to make sure they are ripe." Little Willie flitted away. Soon he came back and smilingly put the bag on the teacher's desk. "Oh, thank you, Willie," said the teacher, taking up the bag. 'Did you pinch one or two as I told you to do?" "Did I?" was the gleeful response. "I pinched the whole bagful and here's your ten cents.