Shear Nonsense: A Collection of Mirth-provoking Stories for All OccasionsG.W. Jacobs & Company, 1914 - 240 pages |
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Page 10
... was them ' ere that feller bot ? " " Nightshirts . Can I sell you one or two ? " " Naup , I reckon not , " said the Mis- sourian . " I don't set around much o ' nights . " SHE WAS SAFE Old lady ( to motorman on her ΤΟ SHEAR NONSENSE.
... was them ' ere that feller bot ? " " Nightshirts . Can I sell you one or two ? " " Naup , I reckon not , " said the Mis- sourian . " I don't set around much o ' nights . " SHE WAS SAFE Old lady ( to motorman on her ΤΟ SHEAR NONSENSE.
Page 23
... night . The next day the man called , and the physician asked him the result . " Oh , it was all right , doctor , " he said , " as long as I was awake , but when I went to sleep the blamed thing rolled off . " OLD MASTERS She had ...
... night . The next day the man called , and the physician asked him the result . " Oh , it was all right , doctor , " he said , " as long as I was awake , but when I went to sleep the blamed thing rolled off . " OLD MASTERS She had ...
Page 27
... night I'm going to finish it . Don't worry , my dear . You go to sleep . " The wife , in tones of mingled disgust and authority , replies : " John , close that checker board and come to bed ! " SHORT OF BREATH A man , driven home on a ...
... night I'm going to finish it . Don't worry , my dear . You go to sleep . " The wife , in tones of mingled disgust and authority , replies : " John , close that checker board and come to bed ! " SHORT OF BREATH A man , driven home on a ...
Page 28
... night , wished to give the cab - driver something to keep the cold out . Find- ing nothing at hand but a liquor - stand with its tiny glasses , he filled up one and handed it to Jehu , remarking : " You'll think none the worse of this ...
... night , wished to give the cab - driver something to keep the cold out . Find- ing nothing at hand but a liquor - stand with its tiny glasses , he filled up one and handed it to Jehu , remarking : " You'll think none the worse of this ...
Page 46
... morning than it was last night . " " Well , sur , that's hard to till , sur , " re- plied Pat . " Why ? " said the doctor , smiling . " He died this mornin ' , sur . " DEATH - AND LIFE The treasurer of the bank was 46 SHEAR NONSENSE.
... morning than it was last night . " " Well , sur , that's hard to till , sur , " re- plied Pat . " Why ? " said the doctor , smiling . " He died this mornin ' , sur . " DEATH - AND LIFE The treasurer of the bank was 46 SHEAR NONSENSE.
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Popular passages
Page 65 - little fib." ANITA — "A fib is the same as a story, and a story is the same as a lie." NELLY— "No, it is not." ANITA — "Yes, it is, because my father said so, and my father is a professor at the university.
Page 29 - We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
Page 64 - A traveler in Indiana noticed that a farmer was having trouble with his horse. It would start, go slowly for a short distance, and then stop again. Thereupon the farmer would have great difficulty in getting it started. Finally the traveler approached and asked, solicitously: "Is your horse sick?
Page 103 - Worth, asked to tell in his own way how the accident happened, said : "Well, Ole and I was walking down the track, and I heard a whistle, and I got off the track, and the train went by, and I got back on the track, and I didn't see Ole; but I walked along, and pretty soon I seen Ole's hat, and I walked on, and seen one of Ole's legs, and then I seen one of Ole's arms and then another leg, and then over one side Ole's head, and I says, 'My God ! Something muster happen to Ole...
Page 32 - does a bride invariably desire to be clothed in white at her marriage?" As no one answered, he explained. "White," said he, "stands for joy, and the wedding-day is the most joyous occasion of a woman's life.
Page 131 - Works had to lay off an argumentative Irishman named Pat, so he saved discussion by putting the discharge in writing. The next day Pat was missing, but a week later the boss was passing through the shop and he saw him again at his lathe. Going up to the Irishman, he demanded fiercely: "Didn't you get my letter?
Page 83 - A certain prominent lawyer of Toronto is in the habit of lecturing his office staff from the junior partner down, and Tommy, the office boy, comes in for his full share of the admonition. That his words were appreciated was made evident to the lawyer by a conversation between Tommy and another office boy on the same floor which he recently overheard. "Wotcher wages?" asked the other boy. "Ten thousand a year,
Page 140 - There was a man named Elijah. He had some bears and lived in a cave. Some boys tormented him. He said, 'If you keep on throwing stones at me, I'll turn the bears on you, and they will eat you up.' And they did, and he did, and the bears did.
Page 133 - Rest in Peace" on both sides, and if there is room, "We Shall Meet in Heaven.
Page 128 - you had better pinch one or two to make sure they are ripe." Little Willie flitted away. Soon he came back and smilingly put the bag on the teacher's desk. "Oh, thank you, Willie," said the teacher, taking up the bag. 'Did you pinch one or two as I told you to do?" "Did I?" was the gleeful response. "I pinched the whole bagful and here's your ten cents.