Shear Nonsense: A Collection of Mirth-provoking Stories for All OccasionsG.W. Jacobs & Company, 1914 - 240 pages |
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Page 7
... remarked , " that , Irishman as you are , you do not approve of our method of dealing with Ireland . " " It's not your dealing that I don't like , " the bishop retorted , " so much as your shuffling ! A NEW DUN A rare specimen of ...
... remarked , " that , Irishman as you are , you do not approve of our method of dealing with Ireland . " " It's not your dealing that I don't like , " the bishop retorted , " so much as your shuffling ! A NEW DUN A rare specimen of ...
Page 19
... remarked the latter . 66 Good - morning , madam , " replied the medico . " I expect you are making a good thing out of attending to that rich Smith boy ? " suggested the lady . 66 Oh , yes , a fairly good fee , " replied the doctor ...
... remarked the latter . 66 Good - morning , madam , " replied the medico . " I expect you are making a good thing out of attending to that rich Smith boy ? " suggested the lady . 66 Oh , yes , a fairly good fee , " replied the doctor ...
Page 28
... remarking : " You'll think none the worse of this because it was made by the holy monks . " " God bless the holy monks ! " exclaimed the driver as he drained the glass . " It's thimselves that can make good liquor , but the man that ...
... remarking : " You'll think none the worse of this because it was made by the holy monks . " " God bless the holy monks ! " exclaimed the driver as he drained the glass . " It's thimselves that can make good liquor , but the man that ...
Page 89
... remarked : " You have no right to smoke here . " " These seats are resarved for smoking , madam , " replied Mike . The lady slowly turned her head again and said : " If you were my husband I would give you poison . " " And if you was my ...
... remarked : " You have no right to smoke here . " " These seats are resarved for smoking , madam , " replied Mike . The lady slowly turned her head again and said : " If you were my husband I would give you poison . " " And if you was my ...
Page 148
... remarked : " Wasn't it annoying the way that baby cried during the whole ceremony ? " " It was simply dreadful , " replied the prim little maid of honor ; " and when I get married I'm going to have engraved right in the corner of the ...
... remarked : " Wasn't it annoying the way that baby cried during the whole ceremony ? " " It was simply dreadful , " replied the prim little maid of honor ; " and when I get married I'm going to have engraved right in the corner of the ...
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Shear Nonsense: A Collection of Mirth-Provoking Stories for All Occasions Anonymous No preview available - 2015 |
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Popular passages
Page 65 - little fib." ANITA — "A fib is the same as a story, and a story is the same as a lie." NELLY— "No, it is not." ANITA — "Yes, it is, because my father said so, and my father is a professor at the university.
Page 29 - We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
Page 64 - A traveler in Indiana noticed that a farmer was having trouble with his horse. It would start, go slowly for a short distance, and then stop again. Thereupon the farmer would have great difficulty in getting it started. Finally the traveler approached and asked, solicitously: "Is your horse sick?
Page 103 - Worth, asked to tell in his own way how the accident happened, said : "Well, Ole and I was walking down the track, and I heard a whistle, and I got off the track, and the train went by, and I got back on the track, and I didn't see Ole; but I walked along, and pretty soon I seen Ole's hat, and I walked on, and seen one of Ole's legs, and then I seen one of Ole's arms and then another leg, and then over one side Ole's head, and I says, 'My God ! Something muster happen to Ole...
Page 32 - does a bride invariably desire to be clothed in white at her marriage?" As no one answered, he explained. "White," said he, "stands for joy, and the wedding-day is the most joyous occasion of a woman's life.
Page 131 - Works had to lay off an argumentative Irishman named Pat, so he saved discussion by putting the discharge in writing. The next day Pat was missing, but a week later the boss was passing through the shop and he saw him again at his lathe. Going up to the Irishman, he demanded fiercely: "Didn't you get my letter?
Page 83 - A certain prominent lawyer of Toronto is in the habit of lecturing his office staff from the junior partner down, and Tommy, the office boy, comes in for his full share of the admonition. That his words were appreciated was made evident to the lawyer by a conversation between Tommy and another office boy on the same floor which he recently overheard. "Wotcher wages?" asked the other boy. "Ten thousand a year,
Page 140 - There was a man named Elijah. He had some bears and lived in a cave. Some boys tormented him. He said, 'If you keep on throwing stones at me, I'll turn the bears on you, and they will eat you up.' And they did, and he did, and the bears did.
Page 133 - Rest in Peace" on both sides, and if there is room, "We Shall Meet in Heaven.
Page 128 - you had better pinch one or two to make sure they are ripe." Little Willie flitted away. Soon he came back and smilingly put the bag on the teacher's desk. "Oh, thank you, Willie," said the teacher, taking up the bag. 'Did you pinch one or two as I told you to do?" "Did I?" was the gleeful response. "I pinched the whole bagful and here's your ten cents.