Shear Nonsense: A Collection of Mirth-provoking Stories for All OccasionsG.W. Jacobs & Company, 1914 - 240 pages |
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Page 59
... train bound for New York , where Yale's president was to speak before a national convention . He made use of the hour and twenty minutes he spent in the train by rehearsing his speech in a low voice , using his hands to emphasize ...
... train bound for New York , where Yale's president was to speak before a national convention . He made use of the hour and twenty minutes he spent in the train by rehearsing his speech in a low voice , using his hands to emphasize ...
Page 74
... train on her return from college . " But , Helen , " he said , " aren't you unusually fat ? " " Yes , Dad , " she replied , " I weigh one hundred and forty pounds stripped for ' gym . ' The father looked dazed for a moment and then ...
... train on her return from college . " But , Helen , " he said , " aren't you unusually fat ? " " Yes , Dad , " she replied , " I weigh one hundred and forty pounds stripped for ' gym . ' The father looked dazed for a moment and then ...
Page 103
... train went by , and I got back on the track , and I didn't see Ole ; but I walked along , and pretty soon I seen Ole's hat , and I walked on , and seen one of Ole's legs , and then I seen one of Ole's arms , and then another leg , and ...
... train went by , and I got back on the track , and I didn't see Ole ; but I walked along , and pretty soon I seen Ole's hat , and I walked on , and seen one of Ole's legs , and then I seen one of Ole's arms , and then another leg , and ...
Page 110
... train looked so greatly pleased that he was asked what amused him so much . " Sure , " he said , " I've been riding over this road for tin years , and to - day's the first time I ever got ahead of it . " " How did you do it this time ...
... train looked so greatly pleased that he was asked what amused him so much . " Sure , " he said , " I've been riding over this road for tin years , and to - day's the first time I ever got ahead of it . " " How did you do it this time ...
Page 126
... train at a suburban station , said to a boy stand- ing near : " My boy , I am looking for Mr. Smith's new block of semi - detached houses . How far are they from here ? " " About twenty minutes ' walk , " said the boy . " Twenty minutes ...
... train at a suburban station , said to a boy stand- ing near : " My boy , I am looking for Mr. Smith's new block of semi - detached houses . How far are they from here ? " " About twenty minutes ' walk , " said the boy . " Twenty minutes ...
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Popular passages
Page 65 - little fib." ANITA — "A fib is the same as a story, and a story is the same as a lie." NELLY— "No, it is not." ANITA — "Yes, it is, because my father said so, and my father is a professor at the university.
Page 29 - We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
Page 64 - A traveler in Indiana noticed that a farmer was having trouble with his horse. It would start, go slowly for a short distance, and then stop again. Thereupon the farmer would have great difficulty in getting it started. Finally the traveler approached and asked, solicitously: "Is your horse sick?
Page 103 - Worth, asked to tell in his own way how the accident happened, said : "Well, Ole and I was walking down the track, and I heard a whistle, and I got off the track, and the train went by, and I got back on the track, and I didn't see Ole; but I walked along, and pretty soon I seen Ole's hat, and I walked on, and seen one of Ole's legs, and then I seen one of Ole's arms and then another leg, and then over one side Ole's head, and I says, 'My God ! Something muster happen to Ole...
Page 32 - does a bride invariably desire to be clothed in white at her marriage?" As no one answered, he explained. "White," said he, "stands for joy, and the wedding-day is the most joyous occasion of a woman's life.
Page 131 - Works had to lay off an argumentative Irishman named Pat, so he saved discussion by putting the discharge in writing. The next day Pat was missing, but a week later the boss was passing through the shop and he saw him again at his lathe. Going up to the Irishman, he demanded fiercely: "Didn't you get my letter?
Page 83 - A certain prominent lawyer of Toronto is in the habit of lecturing his office staff from the junior partner down, and Tommy, the office boy, comes in for his full share of the admonition. That his words were appreciated was made evident to the lawyer by a conversation between Tommy and another office boy on the same floor which he recently overheard. "Wotcher wages?" asked the other boy. "Ten thousand a year,
Page 140 - There was a man named Elijah. He had some bears and lived in a cave. Some boys tormented him. He said, 'If you keep on throwing stones at me, I'll turn the bears on you, and they will eat you up.' And they did, and he did, and the bears did.
Page 133 - Rest in Peace" on both sides, and if there is room, "We Shall Meet in Heaven.
Page 128 - you had better pinch one or two to make sure they are ripe." Little Willie flitted away. Soon he came back and smilingly put the bag on the teacher's desk. "Oh, thank you, Willie," said the teacher, taking up the bag. 'Did you pinch one or two as I told you to do?" "Did I?" was the gleeful response. "I pinched the whole bagful and here's your ten cents.