Infants Not Wanted

FIRST SPARROW-"I hear it is very hard to get into New York society."

SECOND SPARROW-"Very; to this day the Stork has not succeeded in getting in."-The Bohemian

Too Thin

THERE is a Representative in Congress from the West who is exceedingly thin. Being a very good-natured man, this Representative always takes in good part any joking reference to his slenderness; indeed, he is not averse to a jest himself in that connection, as is illustrated by an incident that occurred in a street car in Washington.

It appears that just as the car was rounding a curve a burly citizen lurched forward and sat in the Congressman's lap. He recovered himself quickly, and began a profuse apology, when he was interrupted by the statesman's cheery "That's all right."

"But," added the Congressman, plaintively,

Mamma Was Hasty

BOBSON "You look all broken up, old man. What's the matter?"

CRAIK-"I called on Miss Pruyns last night, and no sooner had I entered the parlor than her mother appeared and demanded to know my intentions."

"That must have been rather embarrassing." "Yes; but that was not the worst. Just as the old lady finished speaking, Miss Pruyns shouted down the stairs, 'Mamma, mamma, he isn't the one!"-London Tit-Bits.

When Woman Rules "JIM," said the editor.

"Yes, sir."

"Go up and interview that lady politician who claims to have nothing to say. Let her talk about two columns and make your escape as best you can."-Pittsburg Post.

There Was No Honey There THEY were newly married and on a honeymoon trip. They put up at a sky-scraper hotel. The bridegroom felt indisposed and the bride said she would slip out and do a little shopping. In due time she returned and tripped blithely up to her room, a little awed by the number of doors that looked alike. But she was sure of her own, and tapped gently on the panel.

"I'm back, honey; let me in," she whispered. No answer.

"Honey, honey, let me in," she called again, rapping louder. Still no answer.

"Honey, honey, it's Mabel.

Let me in!"

Helps a Whole Lot

SHE-"But money does not always lead to happiness."

HE "No, but I thought it might facilitate the search."-Town Topics.

Fire-Escape "Elevator” THE photograph indicates the princi

ple upon which a recent invention of a new portable fire-escape works. The illustration is only an imperfect model and does not show the device in its completed form. The "life-saving elevator," as the patentee calls it, comprises a combination of mast composed of slidable telescoping sections mounted on a wheeled truck and having means for raising the same from a horizontal position to an upright position. Means are provided. for temporarily attaching the top section of the mast to a window-sill or other projection on the building to support and steady the structure. An "elevator" is so contrived that the imperilled persons may be speedily lowered to safety. The inventor is Mr. Alonzo Olney, of Oakland, Cal.

House Moved on Cars A TWO-STORY frame building was

recently placed on a train and moved a distance of over three miles to its new site. The building which serves the double purpose of station and agent's dwelling is twenty-two feet wide and seventy-six feet long. A bay window. on one side projects four feet. Six flat cars were required to accommodate this "freight." The important thing was so to brace the house with timbers as to prevent its being jarred from its position. The fact that if anything went wrong both main lines would be blocked called for extraordinary precautions against accident. Much of the track between the two stations consists of sharp curves. Both lines of track were used-three cars on each-the building being placed in the manner shown in the drawing. It was feared that the wheels would not keep the track for the reason that the distance between the two main lines varied in

some places by as much as eight inches. This variation was overcome by solidly blocking skids on one row of cars. Between these skids and the floor of the other car were placed iron rollers, some inch and a half in diameter. Thus this row of cars could move sidewise under the skids according to the variation.

Patent Office no Pauper

ORE patents were issued during 1906

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and more money collected by the United States Patent Office than in any single year previous, with the exception of 1905, since the establishment of the Patent Office in 1836.

It is shown that the receipts reached a total of $1,790,921.38 for the twelve months, while the expenditures of the office were $1,554,891.20, making a net gain for the year of $236,030.18.

The Patent Office is one of the very few self-supporting departments of the government. The amount of the patent fund to the credit of the office in the United States Treasury is now $6,427,021.86.

During the past year there were 56,482 applications for patents for inventions, designs, and reissues, and a total of 31,965 patents were issued. The residents of New York State proved the most

active inventors, submitting 4,642 applications, or one for every 1,565 persons. Illinois was second, with 3,107 patents. Patents granted to foreigners numbered 8,471, of which eight were to Cuban inventors. The total number of patents issued between 1836 and 1907 is 840,533.

Strange Plight of Clam THIS photograph is of a clam which

was found on the beach of Long Island Sound. The plant growing up through the shell is a stalk of hedge grass. Naturalists who have examined the clam and stalk say that the grass must have grown for fully a year inside the shell, yet it was so hardy and strong that it actually prevented the clam from closing its shell entirely. It is supposed that the grass was blown into the shell while open, and the clam was unable to expel it There is no doubt that it had been growing inside the shell for a long time when found, for as the photograph shows, tufts had sprung out from the top of the stalk.

GLASS CLOCK.

Clock Made of Glass BOHEMIAN glass cutter, Joseph

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Bayer, has after six years of work, constructed a clock, which, with the exception of the springs, consists entirely of crystal glass. The clock is sixteen. inches high. It has an hour, a second, and a minute hand, and is equipped with an apparatus for striking, and all of glass.

Why Shoes Shine THE philosophy of polish on any sub

stance is simply the production by friction of such smoothness of the surface layer of its particles that they readily reflect the rays of light falling upon them. With leather the best substance for the purpose seems to be a paste containing bone-black-that is, the powder obtained from charred bones--to which is added a sn.al quantity of acid to dissolve it, oil to preserve the soft texture of the leather, and treacle and gum to render the mass adhesive.