A Difficult Position

Two Irishmen were crossing a bog, when one of them fell into a mud hole. His companion, running to a nearby farm-house, asked the loan of a spade.

"What do you want it for?" asked the farmer.

"Sure, Mike is stuck in the bog, and I want to dig him out," was the answer.

"How far in is he sunk?" questioned the farmer.

AN American touring in the country with an English friend stopped to point out to him a sign-post on which some wag had printed this sign:

"This way to Squedunk. Those who cannot read apply at the blacksmith's opposite."

The American roared with laughter, but the Englishman looked puzzled. After they had returned home that night, the Englishman came into his host's room roaring with laughter.

"Ah," he said, "I see the joke now-suppose the L'acksmith were out?"

THE art of reproving impertinence is practiced in its perfection by women more frequently than by men. The Cincinnati Enquirer tells this story of the experience of a young man who was taking a walking trip in Scotland:

One day, on a quiet road, he met a young woman, tall and comely, who walked barefooted. The traveler was surprised; and in an honest quest for information, he stopped her to ask:

"Do all the people go barefooted?"

"Some of them do," she answered, with dignity. "The rest mind their own business."

How the Ship was Saved "YES," said the yarn-spinning old mariner, in the corner of the railway carriage, "for three days and nights we worked at the pumps, and still the water gained on us. At last we gave

up the hopeless struggle. There we was-sinkin', sinkin', expecting to perish every 'arf a minute. It was a horful time, believe me. Sudden-like we feels the wessel a-rising up through the water. She riz till her keel was a'most out o' water, and we rides into port light on top o' the waves. We was saved! 'Ow it happened was, we had a cargo of yeast on board, and when the water reached it, it rose and rose, till it fairly lifted up the ship!"

The Torn Trousers ARRIVING quite late at a dance one evening, Mr. Jones discovered that in slipping on the icy pavement outside, he had torn one knee of his trousers.

"Come into the ladies' dressing room, John," said his wife. "There's no one there and I'll pin it up for you."

Examination showed that the rent was too large to be pinned and Mrs. Jones began to look about for sewing material. A maid furnished needle and thread, and was stationed at the door to keep out intruders, while Mr. Jones removed his trousers, putting on his overcoat to serve as a robe, and his wife went busily to work.

Presently at the door sounded excited voices.

"We must come in, maid," a woman was saying. "Mrs. Brown is ill. Quick, let us in." "Here," said the resourceful Mrs. Jones to her terrified husband, "get into this closet for a minute."

She opened the door and pushed her husband through it, just in time. But, instantly, from the opposite side of the door, came loud thumps and the agonized voice of Mr. Jones, demanding that his wife open it at once.

"But the women are here," Mrs. Jones objected.

"Oh, confound the women!" profanely answered Mr. Jones, with another and louder thump. "I'm out in the ball room."

His Treasure

A SCOTCH laboring man who had married a rich widow exceptional for her plainness, was accosted by his employer. "Well, Thomas," he said, "I hear you are married. What sort of a wife have you got?"

"Weel, sir," was the response, "she's the Lord's handiwork, but I canna say she's his masterpiece."-Harper's Weekly.

To Resist Ocean's Fury

TO supply the city of San Francisco,

Cal., with a liberal allowance of pure sea water, is a great undertaking. There are hundreds of salt bathing establishments in the city, and sea water is used for various other purposes besides.

A large pipe line extends from the beach over the hills and up into an immense reservoir, from which the water is generally distributed. This pipe-line is more than five miles long. Very powerful pumps are in constant operation at the beach, to drive the water up into the reservoir.

In order to obtain the water entirely free from sand, an iron pier was built some years ago far out into the sea, on which structure the great water main is laid. Though this pier was strongly built, the perpetual poundings of the huge breakers in time wrought havoc. The massive steel supports were twisted, bent, and torn from their fastenings. Very recently some substantial repairs

were made to the outer end, but this work was done with great difficulty.

A great number of round steel "piles" were used. These giant rods, or sticks, were 60 feet long and 8 inches in diameter, each weighing over 4 tons. They were driven nearly half their length into the hard, wave-beaten sand by a powerful pile-driver. Upon the top of each was placed a cast-iron cap, weighing two tons. These caps were hollow, the concave side being on top. Steel braces were fitted into these ponderous caps, the whole being massively connected and bolted. Then concrete was poured into the hollows of the caps, and this, hardening into stone, made the whole end structure "sea-proof." The massive ironwork can now bid defiance to the incessant fury of the breakers for years to come.

The work was prosecuted under many difficulties, the chief obstacles being the heavy tides and the never-ceasing lashing of the angry breakers. The nature of the structure is novel and original, and the work involved a large outlay of money.

Massive Platform Car N the accompanying cut is shown a IN model of a platform car which will probably carry the heaviest weight of any railroad car in the United States. It is owned by the Pennsylvania Railroad Company, and is utilized in transporting heavy ordnance, blocks of iron and steel for bridges and buildings, marble for monuments, etc. It will support a weight of no less than 150 tons besides its own weight, owing to the ingenious manner in which it is built. As will be noted, it consists of a large center platform, which rests upon two others, each of which is in turn supported by double trucks, and each pair of trucks having no less than sixteen wheels. In addition, however, girders resting upon the ends of the inner trucks support enormous steel springs, which are installed directly beneath the center piece, so that, when the car is loaded, the springs tend to equalize the pressure of the weight on all parts.

Blowing Out a Tunnel IN

N railroad reconstruction, it does not often occur that a tunnel is blown out, and a deep open cut substituted. But this was recently done on one of the roads leading out from San Francisco, Cal., to the seaside at the Cliff House.

It was recently determined to change the road from steam to electric power. For a part of the distance the route extends very near the ocean-winding along the edge of a high cliff. At one point a tunnel had been bored through the heart of a lofty projecting spur. The

AFTER THE TUNNEL WAS DESTROYED.

pletely the old tunnel, and to substitute a wide, open, double-track cut. This has proved a heavy and expensive task. A large force of men have been engaged at the work for a long time. Many hundreds of pounds of explosives have been used in the blasting, and about 200,000 cubic yards of rock removed. The side of the cut nearest the ocean is very deep, the distance from the tracks to the crest of the embankment being more than 100 feet.