tie my hands as fast behind as can be; or nature may assert her reign, my arms assist, my will restrain, and swimming, I once more regain my troubles." With eager haste the dame complies, while joy stands glistening in her eyes; already, in her thoughts, he dies before her. "Yet, when I view the rolling tide, nature revolts"-he said; "beside, I would not be a suicide, and die thus. It would be better far I think, while close I stand upon the brink, you push me in,—nay, never shrink-but do it."

To give the blow the more effect, some twenty yards she ran direct, and did what she could least expect she should do. He slips aside himself to save, so souse she dashes in the wave; and gave, what ne'er she gave before-much pleasure. "Dear husband, help! I sink!" she cried. "Thou best of wives-" the man replied, "I would,—but you my hands have tied,-heaven help you!"

XXI.-LODGINGS FOR SINGLE GENTLEMEN.-Colman.

WHO has e'er been in London, that overgrown place, has seen "Lodgings to Let" stare him full in the face. Some are good, and let dearly; while some, 'tis well known, are so dear, and so bad, they are best let

alone.

Will Waddle, whose temper was studious and lonely, hired lodgings that took Single Gentlemen only; but Will was so fat he appeared like a tun, or like two SINGLE GENTLEMEN rolled into ONE. He entered his rooms, and to bed he retreated; but, all the night long, he felt fevered and heated; and, though heavy to weigh as a score of fat sheep, he was not, by any means, heavy to sleep. Next night 'twas the same and the next and the next he perspired like an ox, he was nervous and vexed; week passed after week, till, by weekly succession, his weakly condition was past all expression.

In six months his acquaintance began much to doubt him; for his skin, "like a lady's loose gown," hung about him: he sent for a Doctor and cried, like a ninny, "I have lost many pounds-make me wellthere's a guinea." The Doctor looked wise:"A slow fever," he said. prescribed sudorifics,—and going to bed. "Sudorifics in bed," exclaimed Will, are humbugs! I've enough of them there without paying for drugs!" Will kicked out the Doctor:-but when ill indeed, e'en dismissing the Doctor don't always succeed; so, calling his host-he said

66

"Sir, do you know, I'm the fat SINGLE GENTLEMAN, six months ago? Look ye, Landlord, I think," argued Will, with a grin, that with honest intentions you first took me in: but from the first night-and to say I'm bold-I've been so very hot, that I'm sure I caught cold!" Quoth the Landlord,-"Till now I ne'er had a dispute; I've let lodgings ten years-I'm a baker to boot; in airing your sheets, sir, my wife is no sloven; and your bed is immediately-over my OVEN.' The OVEN!" says Will: says the host, "Why this passion? in that excellent bed died three people of fashion. Why so crusty, good sir ?"—" Why!" cried Will in a taking, “who would not be crusty, with half a year's baking?"

66

66

66

Will paid for his rooms:-cried the host with a sneer, Well, I see you've been going away half a year." Friend, we can't well agree;yet no quarrel"-Will said:-"but I'd rather not perish, while you make your bread."

XXII.-THE JESTER CONDEMNED TO DEATH.-James Smith. ONE of the Kings of Scanderoon, a Royal Jester, had in his train a gross buffoon, who used to pester the Court with tricks inopportune, venting on the highest folks his scurvy pleasantries and hoaxes. It needs some sense to play the fool, which wholesome rule occurred not to our jackanapes; who consequently found his freaks led to innumerable scrapes, and quite as many kicks and tweaks, which only seemed to make him faster try the patience of his master.

Some sin, at last, beyond all measure, incurred the desperate displeasure of his serene and raging Highness: whether he twitched his most revered and sacred beard, or had intruded on the shyness of the Seraglio, or let fly an epigram at royalty, none knows:--his sin was an occult one; but records tell us that the Sultan, meaning to terrify the knave, exclaimed-"'Tis time to stop that breath: thy doom is sealed:-presumptuous slave! thou stand'st condemned to certain death. Silence, base rebel!-no replying!—but such is my indulgence still, that, of my own free grace and will, I leave to thee the mode of dying."

66

Thy royal will be done-'tis just," replied the wretch, and kissed the dust; "since, my last moments to assuage, your Majesty's humane decree has deigned to leave the choice to me, I'll die, so please you, of old age!"

XXIII.—THE WELL OF ST. KEYNE.-Southey.

A WELL there is in the west country, and a clearer one never was seen; there is not a wife in the west country, but has heard of the Well of St. Keyne. An oak and an elm-tree stand beside, and behind does an ash-tree grow, and a willow from the bank above droops to the water below.

A traveller came to the Well of St. Keyne; joyfully he drew nigh, for from cock-crow he had been travelling, and there was not a cloud in the sky. He drank of the water so cool and clear, for thirsty and hot was he: and he sat down upon the bank, under the willow-tree.

There came a man from the neighbouring town, at the Well to fill his pail; on the Well-side he rested it, and he bade the stranger hail. "Now, art thou a bachelor, stranger ?" quoth he, "for, an' if thou hast a wife, the happiest draught thou hast drunk this day, that ever thou didst in thy life. Or has thy good woman-if one thou hast― ever here in Cornwall been? for, an' if she have, I'll venture my life she has drunk of the Well of St. Keyne." "I have left a good woman who never was here," the stranger he made reply; "but that my draught should be better for that, I pray you answer me why." "St. Keyne,' quoth the Cornish-man, " many a time drank of this crystal well, and before the angel summoned her, she laid on the water a spell: If the husband, of this gifted Well shall drink before his wife, a happy man henceforth is he, for he shall be master for life. But if the wife should drink of it first,-heaven help the husband then !"-The stranger stooped to the Well of St. Keyne, and drank of the water again. "You drank of the Well, I warrant, betimes ?" he to the Cornish-man said: but the Cornish-man smiled as the stranger spake, and sheepishly shook his head. "I hastened as soon as the wedding was done, and left my wife in the porch: but i'faith! she had been wiser than I, for she took a bottle to church."

XXIV. CONTEST BETWEEN THE NOSE AND THE EYES.-Cowper. BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose, the spectacles set them unhappily wrong the point in dispute was, as all the world knows, to which the said spectacles ought to belong. So the Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause with a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learning; while chief-baron Ear sat to balance the laws, so famed for his talent in nicely discerning. "In behalf of the Nose, it will quickly appear, and your Lordship," he said, “will undoubtedly find, that the Nose has had spectacles always in wear, which amounts to possession time out of mind." Then holding the spectacles up to the Court- "Your Lordship observes they are made with a straddle, as wide as the ridge of the Nose is; in short, designed to sit close to it, just like a saddle. Again, would your Lordship a moment suppose ('tis a case that has happened, and may be again), that the visage or countenance had not a Nose, pray who would, or who could, wear spectacles then? On the whole it appears, and my argument shows, with a reasoning the Court will never condemn, that the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose, and the Nose was as plainly intended for them."

Then shifting his side, as a lawyer knows how, he pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes; but what were his arguments few people know, for the Court did not think they were equally wise. So his Lordship decreed, with a grave solemn tone, decisive and clear, without one if or but, that "Whenever the Nose put his spectacles on, by day-light or candle-light-Eyes should be shut."

XXV. THE SPLENDID SHILLING.-J. Philips.

HAPPY the man who, void of cares and strife, in silken or in leathern purse retains a splendid shilling! He nor hears with pain new oysters cried, nor sighs for cheerful ale; but with his friends, when nightly mists arise, to Juniper's Magpie or Town Hall repairs-where, mindful of the nymph whose wanton eye transfixed his soul and kindled amorous flames, Chloe or Phillis, he each circling glass wisheth her health, and joy, and equal love; meanwhile he smokes, and laughs at merry tale, or pun ambiguous, or conundrum quaint:—— -but I, whom griping penury surrounds, and hunger, sure attendant upon want, with scanty offals and small acid tiff (wretched repast!) my meagre corpse sustain; then solitary walk, or doze at home in garret vile, and with a warming puff regale chilled fingers; or from tube as black as winterchimney or well-polished jet, exhale mundungus, ill-perfuming scent! Not blacker tube nor of a shorter size smokes Cambro-Briton (versed in pedigree sprung from Cadwallader and Arthur, kings full famous in romantic tale) when he, o'er many a craggy hill and barren cliff, upon a cargo of famed Cestrian cheese high over-shadowing rides, with a design to vend his wares or at the Avonian mart or Maridunum, or the ancient town ycleped Brechinia, or where Vaga's stream encircles Ariconium, fruitful soil! whence flow nectareous wines that well may vie with Massic, Setin, or renowned Falern.

Thus while my joyless minutes tedious flow, with looks demure and silent pace, a Dun, horrible monster! hated by gods and men, to my aërial citadel ascends. With vocal heel thrice thundering at my gate, with hideous accent thrice he calls. I know the voice ill-boding, and the solemn sound. What should I do or whither

turn? Amazed, confounded, to the dark recess I fly of wood-hole. Straight my bristling hairs erect through sudden fear; a chilly sweat bedews my shuddering limbs, and (wonderful to tell!) my tongue forgets her faculty of speech,-so horrible he seems! His faded brow intrenched with many a frown, and conic beard, and spreading band admired by modern saints, disastrous acts forbode. In his right hand long scrolls of paper solemnly he waves, with characters and figures dire inscribed, grievous to mortal eyes; (ye gods! avert such plagues from righteous men!) Behind him stalks another monster not unlike himself, sullen of aspect, by the vulgar called a Catchpole, whose polluted hands the gods with force incredible and magic charms first have endued: if he his ample palm should haply on ill-fated shoulder lay of debtor, straight his body, to the touch obsequious (as whilom knights, were wont), to some enchanted castle is conveyed, where gates impregnable and coercive chains in durance strict detain him, till, in form of Money, Pallas sets the captive free.

XXVI. THE BASHFUL MAN.-Mackenzie.

I LABOUR under a species of distress, which, I fear, will at length drive me utterly from this society, in which I am most ambitious to appear; but I shall give you a short sketch of my origin and present situation, by which you will be enabled to judge of my difficulties.

My father was a farmer of no great property, and with no other learning than what he had acquired at a charity-school; but, my mother being dead, and I an only child, he determined to give me that advantage which he fancied would have made him happy—that is, a learned education. I was sent to a country grammar-school, and from thence to the University, with a view of qualifying myself for holy orders. Here, having but a small allowance from my father, and being naturally of a timid, bashful disposition, I had no opportunity of rubbing off that native awkwardness, which is the fatal cause of all my unhappiness, and which, I now begin to fear, can never be amended. You must know, I am of such extreme susceptibility of shame, that, on the slightest subject of confusion, my blood all rushes into my cheeks, and I appear a perfect full-blown rose. The consciousness of this unhappy failing made me avoid society, and I became enamoured of a college life; particularly when I reflected that the uncouth manners of my father's family were little calculated to improve my outward conduct. I had therefore resolved on living at the University, and taking pupils; when two unexpected events greatly altered the posture of my affairs-namely, my father's death, and the arrival of a rich uncle from the Indies.

This uncle also died, after a short illness; leaving me heir to all his property (weeping). And now, behold me, at the age of-no matter what, well stocked with Latin, Greek, and mathematics-possessed of an ample fortune-but so awkward, and unversed in any gentlemanlike accomplishment, that I am pointed at by all who see me, as the wealthy learned clown.

I have lately purchased an estate in the country, which abounds with what is called a fashionable neighbourhood; and when you reflect on my parentage and uncouth manners, you will hardly think how much my company is courted by the surrounding families-especially by those who have marriageable daughters! From these gentlemen I

have received familiar calls, and the most pressing invitations; and though I wished to accept their offered friendship, I have repeatedly excused myself, under the pretence of not being quite settled; but the truth is, when I have ridden or walked, with full intention to return their several visits-my heart has failed me as I approached their gates, and I returned homewards, resolving to try again to-morrow.

However, I at length determined to conquer my timidity, and, three days ago, accepted of an invitation to dine, this day, with one, whose open, easy manner left me no room to doubt a cordial welcome. Sir Thomas Friendly, who lives about three miles distant, is a baronet, with an estate of about two thousand pounds a year, adjoining that which I purchased. He has two small sons and five tall daughters, all grown up, and living at Friendly-hall, dependent on their father. Conscious of my unpolished gait, I have, for some time past, taken private lessons from a professor, who teaches "grown up gentlemen to dance;" and although I at first found wondrous difficulty in the art he taught, yet my knowledge of the mathematics was of prodigious use, in teaching me the equilibrium of my body, and the due adjustment of the centre of gravity to the five positions. Having now acquired the art of walking without tottering, and learned to make a bow, I boldly ventured to accept the Baronet's invitation to a family dinner; not doubting but my new acquirements would enable me to see the ladies with tolerable intrepidity: but, alas! how vain are all the hopes of theory, when unsupported by habitual practice! As I approached the house, a dinner-bell alarmed my fears, lest I had spoiled the dinner by want of punctuality. Impressed with this idea, I blushed the deepest crimson, as my name was repeatedly announced by the several livery servants, who ushered me into the library, hardly know. ing whom or what I saw. At my first entrance, I summoned all my fortitude, and made my newly-acquired bow to Lady Friendly; but, unfortunately, bringing back my left foot into the third position, I trod upon the gouty toe of poor Sir Thomas, who had followed close at my heels to be the nomenclator of the family. The confusion this accident occasioned in me is hardly to be conceived, since none but bashful men can judge of my distress; and of that description, I believe the ladies know the number is very small. The Baronet's politeness by degrees dissipated my concern; and I was astonished to see how far goodbreeding could enable him to suppress his feelings, and to appear at perfect ease after so painful an accident.

The cheerfulness of her ladyship, and the familiar chat of the young ladies, insensibly led me to throw off my reserve and sheepishness, till, at length, I ventured to join in the conversation, and even to start fresh subjects. The library being richly furnished with books in elegant bindings, I conceived Sir Thomas to be a man of literature; and ventured to give my opinion concerning the several editions of the Greek classics-in which the Baronet's ideas exactly coincided with my own! To this subject I was led by observing an edition of Xenophon, in sixteen volumes; which (as I had never before beard of such a thing) greatly excited my curiosity, and I approached to examine what it could be. Sir Thomas saw what I was about, and (as I supposed) willing to save me trouble, rose to take down the book, which made me more eager to prevent him; and, hastily laying my hand on the first volume, I pulled it forcibly-when, lo! instead of books, a board, which, by leather and gilding, had been made to look like sixteen volumes, came tumbling down, and, unluckily,