AUNTIE felt called upon to chide Annie for getting wet so often. One day mother and auntie were sitting by the dining-table talking of Annie's still being out when it was beginning to rain.

Just then they heard the kitchen door open softly.

"There she is now," said mother. "Who has wet feet now?" called auntie. An ominous stillness for the space of three seconds, then a gruff voice replied: "The ice-man."-Harper's Magazine.

Uncertain

UNCLE SOL threw aside the letter he was reading and uttered an exclamation of impatience.

"Doggone!" he cried. "Why can't people be more explicit?"

"What's the matter, pa?" asked Aunt Sue. "This letter from home," Uncle Sol answered, "says father fell out of the old appletree and broke a limb."-Youngstown Telegram.

Saved His Skin

JOHNNY SOUTAR and Tam McNab during the course of a railway journey fell to discussing the domestic infelicities of a mutual friend. "Ay, ay," said Johnny, "Jamie Thompson has a sair time wi' that wife o' his. They say they're aye quarreling." "Whit else c'ud ye expect?" was Tam's scornful retort. "The puir feckless crayture mairrit efter courtin' for only seven years. Man, he has no chance to ken the wumman in sic a short time. When I wis coortin' I coorted for twinty year." In the further corner of the compartment sat an Englishman, listening, and much amused. "And may I ask," he inquired, "if connubial bliss followed this long courtship?" Tam looked at him reproach fully. "I tell ye I coorted for twinty year," he said, "an' in that time I kent whit the wumman wis, an' so I didna' marry."-Home News.

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True Sportsmanship

SAM and Luke, browsing around, crossed the pasture. The Judge's bull saw them, and Sam beat him to the fence by a single stride with nothing to spare. Luke, a bad starter, didn't try for the fence; he stuck to the open. He led the bull around the field on the first lap, while Sam, from the fence, urged him to a "li'l bust er speed." On the second lap, Sam exhorted him: "Run, niggeh-you ain' half runnin'!" The third time, Sam yelled: "Make has'e!" Luke risked all in his answer.

"G'awn, man," he gasped, "you dorn think Ah'm throwin' dis yere race, does yer?"-Exchange.

Not an Omission

MRS. BENTON tasted the savory morsel she had carefully compounded in the chafing dish and looked at her husband somewhat apprehensively. Then she said:

"Somehow it doesn't taste just as Mrs. Mink's did the other night. Yet I thought I remembered the recipe all right. I suppose I must have left something out." Mr. Benton tasted reflectively. "I don't think so," he remarked.

Mrs. Benton's face brightened visibly. Then her husband continued:

"There's nothing you could leave out," he said, "that would make it taste like this. It's something you've put in!"-New York Globe.

He Had a Chance, Too

BROWN (on fishing trip)-"Boys, the boat is sinking! Is there any one here who knows how to pray?"

JONES (eagerly)-"I do."

BROWN-"All right. You pray, and the rest of us will put on life belts. They're one shy." -New York Globe.

Safety First

FARMER "When's the next train north?" STATION AGENT-"In an hour." FARMER "When is the next train going south?"

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STATION AGENT-"Fifty minutes." FARMER "All right, Mirandy, we can get across the tracks."-The Goodrich.

Many Unfortunates

ON a crowded San Francisco street car one wet, miserable night not long ago, a coin was heard to drop. As near-by passengers craned their necks an old man stooped and picked it up. "Anybody lost a five-dollar piece?" he asked, anxiously. Nine passengers hurriedly searched their pockets and shouted: "I have." "Well, I've found a penny toward it," said the old man.-Fun.

Being Forehanded

NEWEDD "This milk is much better than what we've been having."

MRS. NEWEDD-"Yes, dear, I got it from a new man. He guaranteed that it was perfectly pure, so I bought enough to last a

Couldn't Do It

927

FARMER JONES, finding help a scarce article in his neighborhood, was forced to visit the city, where he finally obtained a man bold enough to desert the attractions of the glitter

ing town for the lonesome life of a country dweller. The fellow proved exceedingly dull, but plodded along, stolidly obeying instructions. The third day Farmer Jones said, "I want you to clean up the pigsty and the stables and the henhouse and all the other houses of the stock." The new hand worked vigorously for a couple of hours. Then he appeared before his employer with both eyes nearly closed, his mouth swollen, and red lumps all over his face and neck and hands. "Gimme my money," he said; "I'm a-goin' to quit." "What's the matter?" asked the farmer. "I don't know what's the matter," said the victim, "but it happened when I started to clean the bee hive."-Argonaut.

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R. THEODORE WILLIAM RICHARDS, Ewing Professor of Chemistry and Director of the Wolcott Gibbs Memorial Laboratory at Harvard University, is considered America's greatest chemist, and, in his own field, as the greatest of living chemists. What Michelson is in physics, remarkable as he is for his wonderful accuracy in measurement and in applying this power to fundamental problems of the world of physics, Richards is in chemistry. He is a genius in precision of work and in boldness in penetrating into the deepest fundamental secrets of the world of chemistry and its related sciences. Moreover, there is every reason to believe that the results of his research will endure, and that his reputation with future generation's will be as high as it is today.

His scientific reputation received tremendous impetus with the announcement of his results in discovering new facts with reference to atomic weights. The idea of atomic weights had been established a hundred years or so when Professor Richards became interested in the

subject. Of course, he knew that, in all probability, everything that takes shape in or on this earth is composed of atoms, and, consequently, that the nature of the atom should be of the utmost importance to mankind, and that the energy or power in the atom was almost equally important.

But what was the reason for this? That was what scientists wanted to know. Professor Richards set about finding that reason. As a first important step he began to study the relative weight of atoms. His purpose was to discover if the weights of atoms are related to each other; also, if they changed under certain conditions, and, if they did change, the causes. In previous years

such work had been done in a haphazard way. The delicacy and care which are necessary in determining these varying weights are remarkable. First, he purified the substance which was to be analyzed-a process that often required a year or more. Then the substance was put on the scales. The balance used in this work was adjusted to weigh down to one-one hundredth of a milligramme,

or one-three millionth of an ounce. A balance to perform such a function must be of exactly the same temperature as the substance itself, because the slightest difference in heat or cold might cause misleading calculations. Finally, the substance was analyzed with scrupulous

care.

The average person cannot realize the amount of patience and work required to accomplish such conditions. Professor Richards found that rubber, which had been the stand-by of every chemist, could not be employed in his work, on account of the gaseous impurities which were generated by its use. In a great many instances, where there appeared to be some ground for doubt, experiments were repeated four or five times, for the sake of accuracy, as were other tests in connection with the atom, until the series, as it is called, consisting of twenty-five or even fifty determinations, was concluded, and that particular atom dismissed in favor of another.

After determining the weight of many atoms and the relation of the weights to one another, Professor Richards found it necessary to know the amount of space that atoms take up, and the relative position of one space to another. The theory of compressible atoms followed, for he found good reason to believe that atoms are not little hard, incompressible lumps, but rather that they change their bulk according to the pressure applied to them.

After fifteen years of such study, research, and experimentation, he demonstrated to the world more facts in regard to these weights and their relation to one another than had been discovered in all the preceding one hundred years. Today he is the highest authority in the world on atomic weights.

But Professor Richards did not rest on these laurels, for as soon as he has completed one discovery, other "whys" have always confronted him, until the field covered by his work has assumed a magnitude that borders on space. His ambition is to assist in leaving the world

a solid basis upon which the scientists of ages to come may construct knowledge that will benefit mankind.

Until recently, many scientists have believed that crystals originated from a jelly-mass, but their formation was more or less a mystery. The most that the average scientist really knew was that crystals come; that was as far as man had gone. With a highly powerful magnetic camera, arranged after the manner of moving-picture cameras, Professor Richards was able to prove by photographs that crystals become definitely formed in the space of much less than half a second. This fact supported the theory that the crystal did not come from a jelly-mass. This theory was the subject of much discussion throughout the scientific world, but it has, finally, been accepted everywhere. This was the first time, it is stated, that a movingpicture machine had been used in connection with scientific research.

Professor Richards' most recent work has been in connection with radium. Among other important things connected with the substance, he has found that the lead which comes from it has a much lower atomic weight than ordinary lead mined in Missouri and other States. The reason for this he has yet to solve.

The great European war has taught America an industrial lesson. Among other things, it has taught us that this country is dependent upon Germany for dyestuffs and for many different kinds of drugs and chemicals. Years ago Germany realized the value of science as applied to matters of everyday life. Professor Richards' deductions in regard to atomic weights were held in such high regard in Germany that the Prussian Government asked him to accept a full professorship of inorganic chemistry at the University of Göttingen. His duties were to consist exclusively in original research and the direction of students in research, a privilege, it may be noted, which is nearly, if not quite, as uncommon in a German as in an American university. It is believed that this was the