248 A STITCH IN TIME SAVES NINE. same to the more remote relatives in their circle. A subsequent note should state the day and hour at which the funeral is fixed to take place. 1741. SPECIAL INVITATIONS to funerals are not considered requisite to be sent to near relatives; but to friends and acquaintances such invitations should be sent. 1742. GLOVES.-Most persons who attend funerals will provide themselves with gloves; but it is well to have a dozen pairs, of assorted sizes, provided in case of accident. An arrangement can be made for those not used to be returned. 1743. HATBANDS AND CLOAKS will be provided by the undertaker. 1744. MOURNING.-The dressmaker will advise upon the "degree "of mourning to be worn, which must be modified according to the age of the deceased, and the relationship of the mourner. The undertaker will advise respecting the degree of mourning to be displayed upon the carriages, horses, &c. 1745. IN GOING TO THE FUNERAL the nearest relatives of the deceased occupy the carriages nearest the hearse. The same order prevails in returning. Only the relatives and most intimate friends of the family should return to the house after the funeral; and their visit should be as short as possible. 1746. IN WALKING FUNERALS it is considered a mark of respect for friends to become pall-bearers. In the funerals of young persons, the pall should be borne by their companions, wearing white gloves, and love-ribbon. It is a pretty and an affecting sight to see the pall over the coffin of a young lady borne by six of her female friends. Flowers may be placed upon the coffin, and strewed in and over the grave. 1747. VISITS OF CONDOLENCE after funerals should be paid by relatives within from a week to a fortnight; by friends within the second week of the fortnight; friends of less intimacy should make inquiries and leave cards. 1748. CORRESPONDENCE WITH FA MILIES IN MOURNING should be black-edged paper, if from member the family; or upon the ordinary paper, but sealed with black, if fo friends. 1749. Ceremonies.-All cerem nies are in themselves superfic things; yet a man of the world sho know them. They are the outworks manners and decency, which would too often broken in upon, if it were for that defence which keeps the ener at a proper distance. It is for the reason we always treat fools and cor combs with great ceremony, true good breeding not being a sufficient barri against them. 1750. Love's Telegraph.-If: gentleman want a wife, he wears a rin on the first finger of the left hand; he be engaged, he wears it on the second finger; if married, on the third; and on the fourth if he never intends to be married. When a lady is not engaged, she wears a hoop or diamond on her first finger; if engaged, on the second; if married, on the third; and on the fourth if she intends to die unmarried. When a gentleman presents a fan, flower, or trinket, to a lady with the left hand, this, on his part, is an overture of regard; should she receive it with the left hand, it is considered as an acceptai ce of his esteem; but if with the right hand, it is a refusal of the offer. Thus, by a few simple tokens explained by rule, the passion of love is expressed; and through the medium of the telegraph, the most timid and diffident man may, without difficulty, communicate his sentiments of regard to a lady, and, in case his offer should be refused, avoid riencing the mortification of an explicit refusal. expe 1751. Wedding Rings. The custom of wearing wedding rings appears to have taken its rise among the Romans. Before the celebration of their nuptials, there was a meeting of friends at the house of the lady's father, to settle articles of the marriage contract, when it was agreed that the dowry THRIVE BY HONESTY, OR REMAIN POOR. 249 hould be paid down on the wedding you meet with a person so exactly On this occasion formed to please, that he will gain upon ay or soon after. here was commonly a feast, at the every one that hears or beholds him: conclusion of which the man gave to this disposition is not merely the gift of he woman, as a pledge, a ring, which nature, but frequently the effect of she put on the fourth finger of her left mach knowledge of the world, and a hand, because it was believed that a nerve command over the passions. reached thence to the heart, and a day was then named for the marriage. 1754. Artificial Manners. Artificial, manners, and such as spring from good taste and refinement, can never be mistaken, and differ as widely as gold and tinsel. How captivating is gentleness of manner derived from true humility, and how faint is every imitation! the one resembles a glorious rainbow, spanning a dark cloud-the other, its pale attendant, the water-gall. That suavity of manner which renders a real gentlewoman courteous to all, and careful to avoid giving offence, is often copied by those who merely subject themselves to certain rules of etiquette: but very awkward is the copy. Warm professions of regard are bestowed on those who do not expect them, and the esteem which is due to merit appears to be lavished on every And as true humility, 1752. Why the Wedding Ring is placed on the Fourth Finger.- "We have remarked on the vulgar error which supposes that an artery runs from the fourth finger of the left hand to the heart. It is said by Swinburn and others, that therefore it became the wedding finger. The priesthood kept up this idea by still retaining it as the wedding finger, but the custom is really associated with the doctrine of the Trinity; for, in the ancient ritual of English marriages, the ring was placed by the husband on the top of the thumb of the left hand, with the words, In the name of the Father;' he then removed it to the forefinger, saying, 'In the name of the Son; then to the middle finger, add-one alike. ing, 'And of the Holy Ghost; finally, blended with a right appreciation of he left it as now, on the fourth finger, self-respect, gives a pleasing cast to the with the closing word, 'Amen.'"-The countenance, so from a sincere and History and Poetry of Finger Rings. open disposition springs that artless1753. The Art of being Agree-ness of manner which disarms all preable.-The true art of being agreeable is to appear well pleased with all the company, and rather to seem well entertained with them than to bring entertainment to them. A man thus disposed, perhaps may not have much learning, nor any wit; but if he has common sense, and something friendly in his behaviour, it conciliates men's minds more than the brightest parts without this disposition; and when a man of such a turn comes to old age, he is almost sure to be treated with respect. It is true, indeed, that we should not dissemble and flatter in company; but a man may be very agreeable, strictly consistent with truth and sincerity, by a prudent silence where he cannot concur, and a pleasing assent where he can. Now and then judice. Feeling, on the contrary, is 1755. Directions for addressing 1756. THE ROYAL FAMILY. The Queen.-Madam; Most Gracious Sovereign: May it please your Majesty. To the Queen's Most Excellent Majesty. The King-Sire, or Sir; Most Gracious Sovereign: May it please your Majesty. To the King's Most Excellent Majesty. 250 USE A BOOK AS A BEE DOES A FLOWER STATE. The Sons and Daughters, Brothers, 1758. OFFICIAL MEMBERS OF T and Sisters, of Sovereigns. Sir, or Madam: May it please your Royal Highness. To his Royal Highness the Prince of Wales. To her Royal Highness the Princess Helena Augusta Victoria. Other Branches of the Royal Family. -Sir, or Madam: May it please your Highness. To his Highness the Duke of Cambridge; or, To her Highness the Princess Mary Adelaide of Cambridge. A Member of Her Majesty's M Honourable Privy Council.-Sir, or 1 Lord; Right Honourable Sir, or 1 Lord, as the case may require. H: To the Right Honourable Majesty's Principal Secretary of Star for Foreign Affairs. 1759. AMBASSADORS AND GOVERNOL UNDER HER MAJESTY. Sir, or My Lord, as the case may be May it please your Excellency. To his Excellency the American (a Russian, or other) Ambassador. To his Excellency Marquis Lieutenant General, and General Governor of that part of the United Kingdom called Ireland. 1760. JUDGES. My Lord: May it please your Lord A Marquis or Marchioness. ship. To the Right Honourable Sir Alex To the Most Noble the Marquis (or ander Cockburn, Lord Chief Justice of Marchioness) of England. An Earl or Countess.-The same. To the Right Honourable the Earl (or Countess) of A Viscount or Viscountess.-My Lord, or My Lady: May it please your Lordship; or, May it please your Ladyship. To the Right Honourable Viscount (or Viscountess) A Baron or Baroness.-The same. To the Right Honourable the Baron (or Baroness) The widow of a nobleman is addressed in the same style, with the introduction of the word Dowager in the superscription. To the Right Honourable the Dowager Countess The Sons of Dukes and Marquises, and the eldest Sons of Earls, have, by courtesy, the titles of Lord and Right Honourable; and all the Daughters have those of Lady and Right Honourable. The younger Sons of Earls, and the Sons and Daughters of Viscounts and Barons, are styled Honourable. The Lord Mayor of London, York, or Dublin, and the Lord Provost of Edin burgh, during office.-The same. My Lord: May it please your Lord ship. Lord To the Right To the Right Honourable Mayor of London. Honourable Sir-Edinburgh. Lord Prevost of The Lord Provost of every other town in Scotland is styled Honourable. The Mayors of all Corporations (excepting the preceding Lord Mayors), and the Sheriffs, Aldermen, and Recorder of London are addressed Right Worshipful; and the Aldermen and Recorders of other Corporations, and the Justices of the Peace, Worshipful. 1761. THE PARLIAMENT. House of Peers. My Lords: May it please your Lordships. To the Right Honourable the Lords Spiritual and Temporal, in Parliament assembled. House of Commons.-May please your Honourable House. To the Honourable the Commons of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. A GOOD BOOK IS A LIGHT TO THE SOUL. 1763. Hints upon Personal Manners. It is sometimes objected to books upon etiquette that they cause those who consult them to act with mechanical restraint, and to show in society that they are governed by arbitrary rules, rather than by an intuitive perception of what is graceful and polite. 1764. THIS OBJECTION IS UNSOUND, because it supposes that people who study the theory of etiquette do not also exercise their powers of observation in society, and obtain, by their intercourse with others, that freedom and ease of deportment which society alone can impart. 1765. BookS UPON ETIQUETTE are useful, inasmuch as they expound the laws of polite society. Experience alone, however, can give effect to the precise manner in which those laws are required to be observed. 251 1766. WHATEVER OBJECTIONS MAY BE RAISED to the teachings of works upon etiquette, there can be no sound argument against a series of simple and brief hints, which shall operate as precautions against mistakes in personal conduct. 1767. AVOID INTERMEDDLING with the affairs of others. This is a most common fault. A number of people the affairs of some one who is absent. seldom meet but they begin discussing This is not only uncharitable, but positively unjust. It is equivalent to trying a cause in the absence of the person implicated. Even in the criminal code a until he is found guilty. Society, howprisoner is presumed to be innocent without hearing the defence. Depend ever, is less just, and passes judgment upon it, as a certain rule, that the people who unite with you in discussing the affairs of others will proceed to scandalize you in your absence. 1768. BE CONSISTENT in the avowal of principles. Do not deny to-day that which you asserted yesterday. If you do, you will stultify yourself, and your opinions will soon be found to have no weight. You may fancy that you gain favour by subserviency; but so far from gaining favour, you lose respect. 1769. AVOID FALSEHOOD. There can be found no higher virtue than the love of truth. The man who deceives others must himself become the victim of morbid distrust. Knowing the deceit of his own heart, and the falsehood of his own tongue, his eyes must be always filled with suspicion, and he must lose the greatest of all happinessconfidence in those who surround him. 1770. THE FOLLOWING ELEMENTS of manly character are worthy of frequent meditation: i. To be wise in his disputes. ii. To be a lamb in his home. iii. To be brave in battle and great in moral courage. iv. To be discreet in public. 252 TIME, WHICH IS MOST VALUABLE, IS MOST TRIFLED WITH. viii. To be an arbitrator in his vicinity. ix. To be a hermit in his church. will of God. OF 1771. AVOID MANIFESTATIONS ILL-TEMPER. Reason is given for man's guidance. Passion is the tempest by which reason is overthrown. Under the effects of passion, man's mind becomes disordered, his face disfigured, his body deformed. A moment's passion has frequently cut off a life's friendship, destroyed a life's hope, embittered a life's peace, and brought unending sorrow and disgrace. It is scarcely worth while to enter into a comparative analysis of ill-temper and passion; they are alike discreditable, alike injurious, and should stand equally condemned. 1772. AvOID PRIDE. If you are handsome, God made you so; if you are learned, some one instructed you; if you are rich, God gave you what you own. It is for others to perceive your goodness; but should be blind to you your own merits. There can be no comfort in deeming yourself better than you really are: that is self-deception. The best men throughout all history have been the most humble. the same sickening, mincing tone is too ofte found. Do, pray, good people, do talk in your natural tone, if you don't wish to be utterly ridiculous and contemptible." 1774. WE HAVE ADOPTED THI FOREGOING PARAGRAPH because we approve of some of its sentiments, but chiefly because it shows that persons who object to affectation may go to the other extreme-vulgarity. It is vulgar, we think, to call even the most affected people "Jackanapes, who screw their words into all manner of diabolical shapes." Avoid vulgarity in manner, in speech, and in correspondence. To conduct yourself vulgarly is to offer offence to those who are around you; to bring upon yourself the condemnation of persons of good taste; and to incur the penalty of exclusion from good society. Thus, cast among the vulgar, you hecome the victim of your own error. It is 1775. AVOID SWEARING. An oath is but the wrath of a perturbed spirit. It is mean. A man of high moral standing would rather treat an offence with contempt than show his indignation by an oath. It is vulgar: altogether too low for a decent man. cowardly implying a fear either of not being believed or obeyed. It is ungentlemanly. A gentleman, according to Webster, is a genteel man-well-bred, refined. It is indecent: offensive to delicacy, and extremely unfit for human ears. It is foolish. "Want of decency is want of sense." It is abusive-to the mind which conceives the oath, to the tongue which utters it, and to the person at whom it is aimed. It is venomous showing a man's heart to be as a nest of vipers; and every time he "If anything will sicken and disgust a man, swears, one of them starts out from his it is the affected, mincing way in which some head. It is contemptible: forfeiting the people choose to talk. It is perfectly naurespect of all the wise and good. It is seous. If these young jackanapes, who screw their words into all manner of diabolical wicked: violating the Divine law, and shapes, could only feel how perfectly disgust-provoking the displeasure of Him who ing they were, it might induce them to drop will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain. 1773. AFFECTATION IS A FORM OF PRIDE. It is, in fact, pride made ridiculous and contemptible. Some one writing upon affectation has remarked as follows: : many, it. With 1776. BE A GENTLEMAN. Moderation, decorum, and neatness distinguish the gentleman; he is at all times affable, diffident, and studious to please. In 1 |