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THRIVE BY HONESTY, OR REMAIN POOR.
could be paid down on the wedding y or soon after. On this occasion ere was commonly a feast, at the onclusion of which the man gave to le woman, as a pledge, a ring, which he put on the fourth finger of her left and, because it was believed that a nerve eached thence to the heart, and a day was then named for the marriage.
you meet with a person so exactly formed to please, that he will gain upon every one that hears or beholds him: this disposition is not merely the gift of nature, but frequently the effect of mach knowledge of the world, and a command over the passions.
1754. Artificial Manners. Artificial, manners, and such as spring 1752. Why the Wedding from good taste and refinement, can Ring is placed on the Fourth never be mistaken, and differ as widely Finger. "We have remarked on the as gold and tinsel. How captivating ulgar error which supposes that an is gentleness of manner derived from artery runs from the fourth finger of true humility, and how faint is every he left hand to the heart. It is said by imitation! the one resembles a glorious Swinburn and others, that therefore it rainbow, spanning a dark cloud-the became the wedding finger. The priest- other, its pale attendant, the water-gall. hood kept up this idea by still retain- That suavity of manner which renders ing it as the wedding finger, but the a real gentlewoman courteous to all, custom is really associated with the doc- and careful to avoid giving offence, is trine of the Trinity; for, in the ancient often copied by those who merely subritual of English marriages, the ring ject themselves to certain rules of etiwas placed by the husband on the top quette: but very awkward is the copy. of the thumb of the left hand, with Warm professions of regard are bethe words, In the name of the stowed on those who do not expect Father;' he then removed it to the them, and the esteem which is due to forefinger, saying, 'In the name of the merit appears to be lavished on every Son;' then to the middle finger, add-one alike. And as true humility, ing, 'And of the Holy Ghost; finally, blended with a right appreciation of he left it as now, on the fourth finger, self-respect, gives a pleasing cast to the with the closing word, 'Amen.""-The countenance, so from a sincere and History and Poetry of Finger Rings. open disposition springs that artless1753. The Art of being Agree-ness of manner which disarms all preable. The true art of being agreeable is to appear well pleased with all the company, and rather to seem well entertained with them than to bring entertainment to them. A man thus disposed, perhaps may not have much learning, nor any wit; but if he has common sense, and something friendly in his behaviour, it conciliates men's minds more than the brightest parts without this disposition; and when a man of such a turn comes to old age, he is almost sure to be treated with respect. It is true, indeed, that we should not dissemble and flatter in company; but a man may be very agreeable, strictly consistent with truth and sincerity, by a prudent silence where he cannot concur, and a pleasing assent where he can. Now and then jesty.
judice. Feeling, on the contrary, is ridiculous when affected, and, even when real, should not be too openly manifested. Let the manners arise from the mind, and let there be no disguise for the genuine emotions of the heart.
1755. Directions for addressing Persons of Rank.
1756. THE ROYAL FAMILY. The Queen.-Madam; Most Gracious Sovereign: May it please your Majesty. To the Queen's Most Excellent Majesty.
The King.-Sire, or Sir; Most Gracious Sovereign: May it please your Majesty.
To the King's Most Excellent Ma
USE A BOOK AS A BEE DOES A FLOWER
The Sons and Daughters, Brothers, 1758. OFFICIAL MEMBERS OF TE and Sisters, of Sovereigns. Sir, or Madam May it please your Royal Highness.
To his Royal Highness the Prince of Wales.
To her Royal Highness the Princess Helena Augusta Victoria.
Other Branches of the Royal Family. -Sir, or Madam: May it please your Highness.
To his Highness the Duke of Cambridge; or, To her Highness the Princess Mary Adelaide of Cambridge.
1757. THE NOBILITY.
A Duke or Duchess.-My Lord, or My Lady May it please your Grace. To his Grace the Duke of To her Grace the Duchess of
A Marquis or Marchioness. Lord, or My Lady: May it please your Lordship; or, May it please your Lady
To the Most Noble the Marquis (or Marchioness) of
An Earl or Countess.-The same.
To the Right Honourable the Earl (or Countess) of
A Viscount or Viscountess.-My Lord, or My Lady: May it please your Lordship; or, May it please your Ladyship.
To the Right Honourable Viscount (or Viscountess)
A Baron or Baroness.-The same.
To the Right Honourable the Baron (or Baroness)
The widow of a nobleman is addressed in the same style, with the introduction of the word Dowager in the superscription.
To the Right Honourable the Dowager Countess
The Sons of Dukes and Marquises, and the eldest Sons of Earls, have, by courtesy, the titles of Lord and Right Honourable; and all the Daughters have those of Lady and Right Honourable.
The younger Sons of Earls, and the Sons and Daughters of Viscounts and Barons, are styled Honourable.
A Member of Her Majesty's M Honourable Privy Council.-Sir, or Lord; Right Honourable Sir, or Lord, as the case may require.
To the Right Honourable Majesty's Principal Secretary of Sta for Foreign Affairs.
1759. AMBASSADORS AND GOVERNOR UNDER HER MAJESTY.
Sir, or My Lord, as the case may be May it please your Excellency.
To his Excellency the American (a Russian, or other) Ambassador.
To his Excellency Marquis Lieutenant General, and General Governor of that part of the United Kingdom called Ireland.
The Lord Mayor of London, York, or Dublin, and the Lord Provost of Edin burgh, during office.-The same.
My Lord: May it please your Lord
To the Right Lord Provost of
The Lord Provost of every other town in Scotland is styled Honourable.
The Mayors of all Corporations (excepting the preceding Lord Mayors), and the Sheriffs, Aldermen, and Recorder of London are addressed Right Worshipful; and the Aldermen and Recorders of other Corporations, and the Justices of the Peace, Worshipful.
1761. THE PARLIAMENT.
House of Peers. - My Lords: May it please your Lordships. To the Right Honourable the Lords Spiritual and Temporal, in Parliament assembled.
House of Commons.-May it please your Honourable House. To the Honourable the Commons of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland.
A GOOD BOOK IS A LIGHT TO THE SOUL.
1763. Hints upon Personal Manners. It is sometimes objected to books upon etiquette that they cause those who consult them to act with mechanical restraint, and to show in society that they are governed by arbitrary rules, rather than by an intuitive perception of what is graceful and polite.
1764. THIS OBJECTION IS UNSOUND, because it supposes that people who study the theory of etiquette do not also exercise their powers of observation in society, and obtain, by their intercourse with others, that freedom and ease of deportment which society alone can impart.
1765. Books UPON ETIQUETTE are useful, inasmuch as they expound the laws of polite society. Experience alone, however, can give effect to the precise manner in which those laws are required to be observed.
1766. WHATEVER OBJECTIONS MAY BE RAISED to the teachings of works upon etiquette, there can be no sound argument against a series of simple and brief hints, which shall operate as precautions against mistakes in personal conduct.
1767. AVOID INTERMEDDLING with the affairs of others. This is a most common fault. A number of people the affairs of some one who is absent. seldom meet but they begin discussing This is not only uncharitable, but positively unjust. It is equivalent to trying a cause in the absence of the person implicated. Even in the criminal code a until he is found guilty. Society, howprisoner is presumed to be innocent
without hearing the defence. Depend is less just, and passes judgment upon it, as a certain rule, that the people who unite with you in discussing the affairs of others will proceed to scandalize you in your absence.
1768. BE CONSISTENT in the avowal
of principles. Do not deny to-day that which you asserted yesterday. If you do, you will stultify yourself, and your opinions will soon be found to have no weight. You may fancy that you gain favour by subserviency; but so far from gaining favour, you lose respect.
1769. AVOID FALSEHOOD. can be found no higher virtue than the love of truth. The man who deceives others must himself become the victim of morbid distrust. Knowing the deceit of his own heart, and the falsehood of his own tongue, his eyes must be always filled with suspicion, and he must lose the greatest of all happinessconfidence in those who surround him.
1770. THE FOLLOWING ELEMENTS of manly character are worthy of frequent meditation:
i. To be wise in his disputes. ii. To be a lamb in his home. iii. To be brave in battle and great in moral courage.
iv. To be discreet in public.
TIME, WHICH IS MOST VALUABLE, IS MOST TRIFLED WITH.
viii. To be an arbitrator in his the same sickening, mincing tone is too ofta vicinity.
ix. To be a hermit in his church. x. To be a legislator in his country. xi. To be conscientious in his actions. xii. To be happy in his life. xiii. To be diligent in his calling. xiv. To be just in his dealing. xv. That whatever he doeth be to the will of God.
1771. AVOID MANIFESTATIONS ILL-TEMPER. Reason is given for man's guidance. Passion is the tempest by which reason is overthrown. Under the effects of passion, man's mind becomes disordered, his face disfigured, his body deformed. A moment's passion has frequently cut off a life's friendship, destroyed a life's hope, embittered a life's peace, and brought unending sorrow and disgrace. It is scarcely worth while to enter into a comparative analysis of ill-temper and passion; they are alike discreditable, alike injurious, and should stand equally condemned.
1772. AVOID PRIDE. If you are handsome, God made you so; if you are learned, some one instructed you; if you are rich, God gave you what you own. It is for others to perceive your goodness; but you should be blind to your own merits. There can be no comfort in deeming yourself better than you really are: that is self-deception. The best men throughout all history have been the most humble.
found. Do, pray, good people, do talk i your natural tone, if you don't wish to be utterly ridiculous and contemptible."
1774. WE HAVE ADOPTED THI FOREGOING PARAGRAPH because we approve of some of its sentiments, but chiefly because it shows that persons who object to affectation may go to the other extreme-vulgarity. It is vulgar, we think, to call even the most affected people "Jackanapes, who screw their words into all manner of diabolical shapes." Avoid vulgarity in manner, in speech, and in correspondence. To conduct yourself vulgarly is to offer offence to those who are around you; to bring upon yourself the condemnation of persons of good taste; and to incur the penalty of exclusion from good society. Thus, cast among the vulgar, you be come the victim of your own error.
1775. AVOID SWEARING. is but the wrath of a perturbed spirit. It is mean. A man of high moral standing would rather treat an offence with contempt than show his indignation by an oath. It is vulgar: altogether too low for a decent man. It is cowardly implying a fear either of not being believed or obeyed. It is ungentlemanly. A gentleman, according to Webster, is a genteel man-well-bred, refined. It is indecent: offensive to delicacy, and extremely unfit for human ears. It is foolish. "Want of decency is want of sense.' It is abusive-to the mind which conceives the oath, to the tongue which utters it, and to the person at whom it is aimed. It is venomous: showing a man's heart to be as a nest of vipers; and every time he swears, one of them starts out from his head. It is contemptible: forfeiting the respect of all the wise and good. It is their words into all manner of diabolical wicked: violating the Divine law, and shapes, could only feel how perfectly disgust-provoking the displeasure of Him who ing they were, it might induce them to drop will not hold him guiltless who takes it. With many, it soon becomes such a con- His name in vain. firmed habit that they cannot again be taught to talk in a plain, straightforward, manly way. In the lower order of ladies' boardingschools, and, indeed, too much everywhere,
1773. AFFECTATION IS A FORM OF PRIDE. It is, in fact, pride made ridiculous and contemptible. Some one writing upon affectation has remarked as follows:
"If anything will sicken and disgust a man, it is the affected, mincing way in which some people choose to talk. It is perfectly nauseous. If these young jackanapes, who screw
1776. BE A GENTLEMAN.
EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE IS A PAGE IN YOUR HISTORY.
1779. HAVING LAID DOWN THESE GENERAL PRINCIPLES for the government of personal conduct, we will epitomize what we would still enforce :
igent and polite, his behaviour is asant and graceful. When he enters dwelling of an inferior, he envours to hide, if possible, the difence between their ranks in life; ever lling to assist those around him, he 1780. AVOID IDLENESS-it is the neither unkind, haughty, nor over-parent of many evils. Can you pray, aring. In the mansions of the rich, "Give us this day our daily bread," e correctness of his mind induces him and not hear the reply, "Do thou this bend to etiquette, but not to stoop to day thy daily duty"? 'ulation; correct principle cautions m to avoid the gaming-table, inriety, or any other foible that could ccasion him self-reproach. Gratified ith the pleasures of reflection, he ejoices to see the gaieties of society, nd is fastidious upon no point of little mport. Appear only to be a gentleman, nd its shadow will bring upon you conempt; be a gentleman, and its honours will remain even after you are dead. 1777. THE HAPPY MAN, OR TRUE GENTLEMAN.
How happy is he born or taught,
That serveth not another's will,
Of prince's ear, or vulgar breath:
More of His grace than gifts to lend;
With a well-chosen book or friend!
Sir Henry Wotton, 1530.
1781. AVOID TELLING IDLE TALES, which is like firing arrows in the dark: you know not into whose heart they may fall.
1782. AVOID TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF, praising your own works, and proclaiming your own deeds. If they are good they will proclaim themselves; if bad, the less you say of them the better.
1783. AVOID ENVY; for it cannot benefit you, nor can it injure those against whom it is cherished.
1784. AVOID DISPUTATION for the mere sake of argument. The man who disputes obstinately, and in a bigoted spirit, is like the man who would stop the fountain from which he should drink. Earnest discussion is commendable; but factious argument never yet produced a good result.
1785. BE KIND IN LITTLE THINGS. The true generosity of the heart is more displayed by deeds of minor kindness, than by acts which may partake of ostentation.
1786. BE POLITE. Politeness is the poetry of conduct-and like poetry, it has many qualities. Let not your politeness be too florid, but of that gentle kind which indicates a refined nature.
1787. BE SOCIABLE-avoid reserve
in society. Remember that the social elements, like the air we breathe, are purified by motion. Thought illumines thought, and smiles win smiles.
1778. BE HONEST. Not only because "honesty is the best policy," but because it is a duty to God and to man. 1788. BE PUNCTUAL. One minute The heart that can be gratified by dis- too late has lost many a golden opporhonest gains; the ambition that can be tunity. Besides which, the want of satisfied by dishonest means; the mind punctuality is an affront offered to the that can be devoted to dishonest pur-person to whom your presence is due. poses, must be of the worst order. 1789. THE FOREGOING REMARKS