who are sincere in their religion, and are not evil examples to their children. imprinted in my mind, by deep affliction, that While writing the above, a mournful consideration took possession of my mind, relating to the original cause, not only of the great wickedness, which so much abounds in Christendom, but also of the too great defection in those of moral and religious lives, from the true life and inward power of Christianity in their hearts; while, at the same time, they mightily extol the Holy Scriptures with many extraordinary epithets. Under this prospect, it appeared very plain to me, as it has often done before, that this defection in both sorts proceeds from the want of truly believing in, and being immediately led and guided by the Holy Spirit and grace of God in their hearts, a measure and "manifestation" of which (say the Scriptures) is "given to every man to profit withal;" which would, if obeyed, make wicked men righteous, moral men better, and in the end make both true Christians at heart, and enjoyers of the life and power of Christianity. It would take up a treatise to write at large upon the virtue and efficacy of this holy and divine principle of the Spirit of God, for the salvation of mankind, through our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, as abundantly testified of in the Holy Scriptures, and also in many of our Friends' writings. I refer particularly to the works of our beloved brethren, William Penn and Robert Barclay, especially to the latter, in the 2nd, 5th, and 6th proposi-ed; and when, at any time, I did what I tions of his Apology, upon Immediate Revelation, and the Universality of the Light and Grace of Christ, where my reader will find it very fully treated of. PART II. SECTION I. Before I was seven years of age, the Spirit of the Lord began to work in my mind, and strove with me, to bring me off from childish playfulness and vanities. His holy light in my soul, as I soon after found it to be, convinced me, that I ought not to give way to, nor do this, or the other thing which present should not have done, it brought upon me trouble and condemnation, even in those early days, as it hath always since, when I did any thing that offended the Lord. If this were a proper place for it, I could enlarge abundantly upon the divine nature of this holy principle of the Light and Spirit of Jesus Christ in the soul, of which the Holy Scriptures so largely testify; however, I shall be THIS Second Part gives some account of my spi-led to do it in part in the process of this hisritual travels, and the various exercises of soul tory, knowing from my own certain experiI have passed through and experienced in the ence, that it is no principle of our nature, nor any innate notion of our minds, for nothing way of regeneration from my youth upward:- of or from our own fallen nature, can show And further shows, that when, by the operation or convince us of sin. Though I did not preof the holy Light and Spirit of the Lord upon sently know, that it was the Lord's Spirit my soul, I had attained to some degree of spi- which I felt working in me, as Samuel knew ritual growth in my own particular, a concern not the Lord's voice, when a child, yet being of spirit came upon me for the prosperity of Truth convinced in myself, by its holy convictions, in general, and a necessity to unite with faithful that I ought not to do those things which brethren for the discharge of the discipline in the brought trouble upon me, and also, that when church of Christ:-Treating also of church gov- at any time I refrained from doing what caused ernment in the Apostles' times and in our own, this trouble, I had sweet peace and satisfaction of mind, it made me the more to attend to its showing how nearly they agree:-With some account of my journeys, voyages, &c. dictates, and drew me off from many childish actions, which youth are prone to; whereby, THOUGH the spiritual. exercises which II grew into sobriety beyond many of my age, have gone through in my pilgrimage were so until I came to be about nine years old. that we are commanded to abstain from every appearance of evil, which we cannot do, but by the assistance of the Lord's Holy Spirit, and taking up the cross of Christ to every such appearance, whereby we witness an overcoming of the assaults and temptations of Satan. I now saw, in the light, that if I persisted in vanity and wildness, I was in the way of destruction; and when the terrors of the Lord were upon me, I would take up fresh resolutions to refrain from and avoid such conduct. But these resolutions came to nothing, being made in my own strength; for, perhaps, the very next temptation would prevail, and then again, the Lord's righteous judgments laid hold upon me; thus I repeatedly made work for repentance. But in a little time after, I began by degrees to lose this condition; and I well remember, how the enemy of my soul worked in a mystery, insinuating into my mind, "What harm, or evil is there in things, which are accounted innocent diversions?" And being of a lively, active temper, this bait took with me; so that my mind was drawn off from attending to the convictions of the Lord's Holy Spirit in my heart, which did often bring trouble and condemnation upon me. Beginning to love playful pastimes, I lost that inward sweetness and peace which I had before enjoyed; and by endeavouring to stifle these secret reproofs, I grew harder, until, from a desire to keep company with other wild boys, I took delight in getting out into the streets to play with them, so that I grew very wanton, although my dear parents endeavoured to restrain me. After I had been associating with such companions, when I came to be a little still, the Lord's judgments would seize me, and bring me alternately. William Edmundson of Rosenalunder great trouble of soul; then I would re- lis, that worthy and honourable Friend and solve to refrain, and do so no more. Yet father in Israel, was concerned about this time perhaps the next temptation that offered, I could not withstand, but fell into the same snare again. Thus it was with me, until I came to be about twelve years of age; although, to the praise of the Lord, I was preserved from any very wicked or gross actions, or even very bad words, yet my mind was drawn away into vanity and wildness, and I was far from being so sober as I ought to have been. And here, I may be allowed to make a cautionary digression concerning parents.-If they have any regard to the good of their children, they should keep a very strict hand over them, especially when they are prone to wildness, as I was; for, had not my parents been careful over me, I had been worse than I was. And although my dear mother would never indulge me in any evil practice, being a prudent, discreet woman; yet she loved me exceedingly, which I well knew, and therefore in some measure I presumed upon it, and ventured abroad at some times, which I should not have done, had she corrected me oftener. I would advise and caution all parents to take particular care of their children in going to and returning from school, lest they fall into company that would certainly corrupt them; likewise to keep them from walking abroad on first-days, or those called holy days, for such times are the most dangerous, and they are then most liable to fall in the way of idle company, to their great hurt. From my own experience I can say, that by giving way at first to small hurtful things, the enemy gets advantage, gradually stealing in, and drawing away the mind into greater evils. Therefore it is, At this time, 1669, we had no afternoon meetings in the room where meetings for pub lic worship were held, but we had evening meetings, which were held at Friends' houses to visit Friends of this province; and being at Cork, the evening meeting fell in course at the house of the widow, Bridget Denis, who be came a faithful Friend, and towards her latter end had a testimony for Truth, and I doubt not died in the Lord. To this meeting I went, with great heaviness and sorrow upon my soul, under a mournful sense of my repeated transgressions against the Lord; and also with earnest cries, that He would be pleased to forgive me, and for the time to come, grant me power and strength over the temptations of the enemy; for I clearly saw, that I was not capable, by any ability of my own, to preserve myself from the least evil, agreeably to the saying of our blessed Lord, "Without me ye can do nothing." I sat down in the meeting full of sorrow; and William Edmundson's tes timony, so reached my inward state and condition, and pierced my very soul, that I could not refrain crying out in the meeting, under a sense of my sins, and of the Lord's terrors and judgments, which I then felt beyond what I had ever before experienced. And I was, at that time, as truly baptized by the powerful preaching of the word of life by him, as those were, to whom the apostle Peter preached, Acts, ii. 37. Then, oh! then, were my sins, and the sinfulness of them, set before me; and in the agony and bitterness of my soul, I secretly cried unto the Lord, for the pardon and remission of them, with humble prayers unto Him, that he would be pleased to enable me by his Holy Spirit to walk more circumspectly for the time to come, and do his holy will, and that I might truly serve and worship him in spirit and in truth. But the Lord's heavy judgments continued upon me for a considerable time, how long I cannot exactly remember, but I believe for some months, until I became obedient to his divine light and good Spirit in my soul, without which I could not perform anything that was acceptable to God. And I have since found by living experience, that although our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, by his sufferings and death, placed me and all mankind in a condition capable of salvation, yet the completion thereof was, and is, in our obedience to his Holy Spirit, a measure of which, according to Scripture, he hath given to each of us, "to profit withal," that we may thereby work out our own salvation. After the baptizing power of the Lord had thus seized upon me, I had dominion given me over those temptations, which had before so often prevailed upon me, and I grew easier in spirit, and had great sweetness and comfort. My companions wondered at this alteration; and when I passed them in the street, I have overheard them say one to another, "What's the matter with Joe Pike? he won't speak to us;" at which I rejoiced greatly in my heart, with humble thanks to the Lord, that he had given me so much power and victory over the temptations into which I had before so often fallen. Then did I begin to love the Lord, and I delighted to turn my mind inward, and diligently to wait upon him, by the help of his Holy Spirit, by which I gradually grew in experience and knowledge of the things of God. Oh! then how did I love to go to meetings! and I longed for the meeting days; and when there, endeavoured to have my mind inwardly exercised towards the Lord, whom I loved with all the powers of my soul. Oh! how near and dear to me were the faithful ministering servants of the Lord, as also other faithful Friends, in whose company I greatly delighted, and loved to hear them speak of the things of God; my mind being wholly taken off from the vanities, plays, and pastimes of the world, all was nothing to me! And when I could, I went into some secret place to wait upon the Lord, and there I poured out my soul unto him, with overflowing tears of joy, that he had so mercifully wrought this great change in me; and I may say, with humble thanksgiving and praise to his holy name, that he was pleas ed to accept of my tender offering of a broken heart, in returning upon my soul at times the sweet incomes of his divine power and living presence, to the overcoming of my spirit with unutterable joy. I have gone to meeting, and whilst there, a living faith attended, and full assurance has arisen in my soul, that if I diligently waited, with my mind inwardly exercised towards the Lord, I should feel his life giving presence; and according to my faith, the Lord hath broken in upon my spirit with unspeakable comfort. The remembrance of such seasons is renewed within me at this time, for which my soul is melted into tenderness, with humble thanksgiving and praise to his Holy and Divine Majesty, that he has kept me alive in spirit now to old age, to bear this testimony for him from my own experience, that his holy Truth waxes not old, as doth a garment; for although I am decayed in body, and through the weakness thereof, seem to be near the brink of the grave, yet to the praise of the Lord, I can say, I am as strong in him and in the power of his might, and feel my spirit as zealous for his Holy Name and testimony, as at any time of my life; for which, all that is within me magnifies and extols, even with my mouth in the dust, the holy and eternal name of the Lord of heaven and earth, who liveth for ever and ever! Before I had reached my fourteenth year, by the Lord's Holy Spirit working in me, I came to witness a state of purity, holiness, and innocency; in which, not so much as a vain or foolish thought could arise in my mind, but the holy light of Christ did presently let me see it and judge it, so that I abhorred all evil thoughts, words and actions, and loved truth and righteousness with all my soul. I dearly loved all faithful Friends, and felt them as dear to me as my own life; and they loved me, being sensible I loved the Lord. And here, let me add a caution to all ministers and elders, to take great care of any undue liberty in words or behaviour, before such as are young and tender in the Truth, whether in youth or riper age; for the newly convinced are very sharp in observation; and if they observe anything, whether it be in more words than are necessary, or in behaviour, which they think not agreeable to that solidity the Truth leads into, it is apt to stumble or confuse them. We find, the great apostle Paul was very tender over those who were young and weak, and denied himself of lawful things, lest he should offend them, and said, though all things were lawful, yet all things were not expedient. Notwithstanding I had, by the power and Spirit of the Lord, attained to a state of purity, yet, alas! I lost it again, for want of true and diligent watchfulness to the light, and closely following the leadings of it, and not through any gross evil I had committed. Between the age of fourteen and fifteen, I began to grow more negligent in waiting upon the Lord, and thence into more coldness of love to him, and so by degrees to lose that tender frame of spirit I had formerly witnessed. ed to the Lord by the Holy Spirit, at the dediAnd then the enemy of my soul, tempted me with the pleasures and vanities of the world, so that my mind was allured and drawn towards them, and I did love and delight therein. Among the rest, I was inclined to take pleasure in fine apparel, and the like, as I could get them, according to my station, of which I remember a particular instance. Having got a pretty fine new coat, the spirit of pride arose in me, and passing along the street, (I remember the place,) I thought my self, as the saying is, somebody, but amidst these vain and foolish thoughts, I was in an instant struck as with an arrow from the Lord, and it swiftly passed through my mind after this manner, "Poor wretch! was not Jesus Christ, the Lord of heaven and earth, meek and low of heart, and his appearance mean on earth? He was not proud and high; wilt thou, poor worm! be high and proud of thyself or clothes?" These thoughts so wounded my spirit, that I went home very sorrowful and dejected; but this went off in a little time, for the delights of the world began to take root in me, and my mind went after them, by which I was drawn away from the Lord. And I bear my testimony, that the adorning of the body with fine apparel, and fashionable cuts, as well as superfluity in household furniture, is utterly inconsistent with that plainness which the holy Truth leads into. It led our ancients out of such things, and to testify against them; for most certain it is, that though pride first springs in the heart, yet, by delighting in outside things, the mind becomes captivated thereby, and the root of vanity grows inwardly stronger and stronger. My mind having thus gone astray from the Lord, it displeased him, and caused him to withdraw from me, so that I did not enjoy the sweetness and comfort of his Holy Spirit, as I had done before; yet he took it not from me, but it became my judge and condemner, for loving those things that offended him, and so the terrors of the Lord often seized me, and I could well remember, from the strength of my natural memory, how it had been with me, when I was in favour with the Lord, and by his holy Light I saw how I had lost the living sense of the sweetness I had formerly enjoyed, which made me sorely to lament my present condition. And, from this experience, I have learned to understand the vast difference there is between natural comprehension and memory, and the present, living, experimental witnessing of the life and power of Truth upon the soul, by which the soul is kept alive to God. Solomon, from the strength of his memory, could not forget how excellently he had pray cation of the temple, and yet he lost that living and divine sense of it, when he afterwards went into idolatry. The world has the former; and by the strength of their natural reason, comprehension, and memory, they read, they study the learned languages, and acquire knowledge, or rather gather notions, being thus furnished and equipped for what they call divinity. But, alas! true divinity is quite another thing, and learned quite another way, even by the Lord's Holy Spirit, and which consists in the enjoyment of his sweet presence in our soul. I say this, in measure from my own experience, for when I was obedient to his holy Light and Spirit in my heart, and was taught by it, it led me, though but childish in my natural understanding, to the holy hill of spiritual Zion, even to the enjoy ment of his living comfortable presence. But when I declined from it, though I grew in natural knowledge and understanding, yet I lost my innocent condition, and the spiritual communion I once had; so that, instead of his Holy Spirit being my comforter, it became my judge and condemner. These things liv ingly flow into my mind, and I give them forth as a testimony for the Lord, and to the operation of his holy Spirit. Thus stood my inward condition, from about the age of fifteen to eighteen; during which time I maintained a pretty good character amongst Friends and others; for, through the Lord's great mercy, I never fell into any gross or scandalous evils, nor yet did I keep bad company, but was generally beloved, so far as I knew, by all that were acquainted with me, notwithstanding which, I was gone from, and had lost my inward communion and fellowship with the Lord, that I had formerly witnessed. This leads me to caution all, whether young or old, against valuing or justifying themselves upon the morality of their conduct, and depending upon it, as I have known some to do. For though a man cannot be a right Christian, without being a good moralist, yet he may sustain a moral character, and be very far from being a true Christian, and acceptable to God: this I can speak from my own experience. When about eighteen years old, the Lord was graciously pleased to grant me a renewed visitation, not in that sudden and extraordi nary manner as before, but in a more gradual way. He did arise, and give me a full and clear sight of my condition, and how I was estranged from him in spirit; and that if I continued therein, I should grow harder and harder, and in the end, be undone for ever. The sense of this brought me into great horror and distress, with bitter lamentation; under fortable were they to me! Oh! how would my heart be even melted into tenderness, in finding that some of the experiences of holy men answered to mine, as face answereth to face in a glass, whereby a hope was raised in me, that I should get through my exercises, as they did through theirs. But at other times, when the Lord's Spirit seemed to be withdrawn from me, although I read them, and understood the words, yet my mind not being influenced and opened by the Lord's Spirit, I received not the same benefit or comfort; and from hence I learned, by living experience, that it is by and through the openings of His Spirit that we receive the true comfort or profit in reading the Holy Scriptures. I was in this condition, more or less, for about two or three years; and at times, when the Lord enabled me to pray to Him, oh! the strong crics that would ascend, and with most fervent beseechings of soul I did pray, with overflowing tears, and said in my heart which I lay some time, until the Lord was ment again and again, not only seven times, mercifully pleased to tender my spirit a little, but more than seventy times seven. Oh, and assist me to pray unto him for a repent- "the wormwood and the gall" that I was ant heart, on account of my past disobedi- made to drink of in that day! 66 my soul hath ence, in so ungratefully departing from him, them still in remembrance, and is humbled which indeed lay as a mill-stone upon my within me." Yet, with thanksgiving and soul, and brought me into sore agony and praise to the holy name of the Lord, he distress of spirit. I then sought to be alone, brought me through, at last, and set my feet in unseen places, where I often poured out my upon his rock. During this time of sore afsoul unto the Lord, with many tears, begging fliction, I read the Holy Scriptures, particu for mercy and forgiveness; for I saw that I larly the book of Psalms, and that evangelical had come to a great loss, and that I must un-prophet Isaiah, wherein I found abundance of learn many things that I had learned in the experiences that suited my condition; and night of my apostacy in spirit from him, when, in reading them, the Lord was pleased though not in principle or profession, during to influence my mind by his Spirit, how comwhich the evil root and nature had grown strong in me. I also saw, that nothing could destroy this, but the axe, the sword, the ham mer, and the fire of his Holy Spirit, and that I must be regenerated and born again, before I could ever attain to the condition I had lost, and which the light of Jesus let me see very clearly. Then, oh! then, the agony, the horror that seized my soul, I am not able to express it. I often thought no one's condition was ever like mine; when I turned my mind inward, my soul seemed like a habitation of dragons, which were ready to devour me; evil thoughts, of many kinds, presented themselves; temptations of the wicked one, that I never was inclined to, beset me. When I went to meeting, I had no rest there; I could not stay my mind upon the Lord; so that I was almost ready to run out of it, the enemy seemed so to roar upon me, as if to destroy my soul. It appeared to me, that the Lord had wholly withdrawn Himself from me, and was far from my help. When night came, I" Oh Lord, depart not from me! keep me in wished for the morning, and when the morning came, I wished for the evening. In the night season, I often lay mourning and bitterly weeping, making my pillow wet with tears. My distress was such, that if the Lord, in mercy, had not pitied me, and by granting a little hope and ease of spirit, helped me, I believe I should have sunk under it, my misery was so great; for I was at times so overwhelmed with sorrow, that I was almost in despair of ever getting through my afflictions, fearing that I was utterly forsaken. When I had continued in this state a considerable season, ready to faint in spirit, the Lord did, in his own time, not in mine, neither in so powerful a manner as I desired, again arise, with a little of the light of his countenance for the ease of my distressed soul; which yet continued not long with me. Then did I fall again into the same misery. Thus was I afflicted and tossed, as with a tempest, until I was almost worn out with sorrow; plunged into spiritual Jordan or judg. VOL. II.--No. 10. this praying condition, let me not depart out of it! keep me from evil! make me as Thou wouldst have me to be; for Thou knowest I desire to love thee, better than the whole world, and I will, with thy assistance, serve thee all the days of my life." But here I was not to stay; not being sufficiently purged; and had again to go down into judgment, and lie under his spiritual bap-tism: then did misery, sorrow, and lamenta tion again take hold of me. Thus it was with me, from season to season, in my progress heavenwards; yet with this difference, that those intervals of ease grew longer, during which, I was ready to say in my heart-"I hope I shall never more be moved;" but again the Lord withdrew, and hid his face from me for a season, so that my soul was troubled thereby, yet his grace was with me still, as an anchor at bottom, and as a monitor, guide, and director, to preserve me from running into any gross evil. Notwithstanding I was so preserved, for want of keeping close 46 |