114. Helps to Read.

A certain artist

I forget his name

Had got for making spectacles a fame,

Or "Helps to Read," as, when they first were sold,

Was writ1 upon his glaring sign in gold;

And, for all uses to be had from glass,
His were allowed, by readers, to surpass.

There came a man into his shop one day:
"Are you the spectacle contriver, pray?"
"Yes, sir," said he: "I can in that affair
Contrive to please you, if you want a pair."
"Can you? Pray do, then." So, at first he chose
To place a youngish pair upon his nose;

And-book produced, to see how they would fit-
Asked how he liked 'em. "Like 'em? Not a bit."

"Then, sir, I fancy-if you please to tryThese in my hand will better suit your eye." "No, but they don't."-" Well, come, sir, if you please, Here is another sort: we'll e'en try these;

Still somewhat more they magnify the letter:
Now, sir?"" Why, now, I'm not a bit the better!"
"No? here, take these that magnify still more:
How do they fit?"-"Like all the rest before."

1 writ, written.

In short, they tried the whole assortment through, But all in vain, for none of 'em would do.

The operator, much surprised to find

So odd a case, thought, "Sure the man is blind."

"What sort of eyes can yours be, friend?" said he.

Why, very good ones, friend, as you may see.”

"Yes, I perceive the clearness of the ball:

Pray, let me ask you, can you read at all?"

"No, you great blockhead! if I could, what need Of paying you for any Helps to Read?"

And so he left the maker in a heat,1

Resolved to post him for an arrant2 cheat.

DR. BYROM.

115.- Mark Antony's Address over the Dead Body of Cæsar.

This celebrated speech is from Shakespeare's play of "Julius Cæsar," Act III. Scene 2. Mark Antony was a friend of Cæsar, who had just been assassinated (B.C. 44), and had been permitted by Brutus and Cassius, the leaders of the anti-Cæsar party, "to speak in Cæsar's funeral."

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears:

I come to bury Cæsar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interréd with their bones:
So let it be with Cæsar. The noble Brutus
Hath told you Cæsar was ambitious.

1 heat, rage.

2 arrant, complete, absolute.

If it were so, it was a grievous fault, -
And grievously hath Cæsar answered1 it.

Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest-
For Brutus is an honorable 2 man;

He was my friend, faithful and just to me;
But Brutus says he was ambitious,-

And Brutus is an honorable man.

He hath brought many captives home to Rome,
Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill :

Did this in Cæsar seem ambitious?

8

When that the poor have cried, Cæsar hath wept:

Ambition should be made of sterner stuff.

Yet Brutus says he was ambitious,

And Brutus is an honorable man.

You all did see that on the Lupercal*

I thrice presented him a kingly crown,
Which he did thrice refuse. Was this ambition?
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious,-

And, sure, he is an honorable man.

I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.

1 answered it, atoned for it.

2 honorable. Note that this is ironical, and, together with the subsequent uses of the word, should be read so as to convey this fact.

3 general coffers; i.e., the public treasury.

4 Lupercal, the Roman annual festival day in honor of the god Pan.

You all did love him once, not without cause;

What cause withholds you, then, to mourn for him?
O judgment, thou art fled to brutish beasts,

And men have lost their reason! Bear with me:
My heart is in the coffin there with Cæsar,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

But yesterday the word of Cæsar might
Have stood against the world: now lies he there,
And none so poor to do him reverence.

O masters! if I were disposed to stir

Your hearts and minds to mutiny and rage,
I should do Brutus wrong, and Cassius wrong,
Who, you all know, are honorable men.

I will not do them wrong: I rather choose
To wrong the dead, to wrong myself and you,
Than I will wrong such honorable men.

But here's a parchment with the seal of Cæsar-
I found it in his closet- 'tis his will.

Let but the commons1 hear this testament,2
Which, pardon me, I do not mean to read,-
And they would go and kiss dead Cæsar's wounds,
And dip their napkins in his sacred blood;
Yea, beg a hair of him for memory,

And, dying, mention it within their wills,
Bequeathing it, as a rich legacy,

If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.
You all do know this mantle; I remember
The first time ever Cæsar put it on;

'Twas on a summer's evening, in his tent,
That day he overcame the Nervii.1

Look! in this place ran Cassius' dagger through!
See what a rent the envious Casca made!
Through this the well-belovéd Brutus stabbed;
And, as he plucked his curséd steel away,
Mark how the blood of Cæsar followed it!

2

This was the most unkindest cut of all;
For, when the noble Cæsar saw him stab,
Ingratitude, more strong than traitor's arms,
Quite vanquished him. Then burst his mighty heart;
And in his mantle muffling up his face,

E'en at the base of Pompey's statue,

Which all the while ran blood, great Cæsar fell.

O, what a fall was there, my countrymen!
Then I, and you, and all of us fell down,
Whilst bloody Treason flourished over us.
O, now you weep, and I perceive you feel
The dint of pity: these are gracious drops.
Kind souls! What! weep you, when you but behold

1 Nervii, one of the Gallic tribes conquered by Cæsar.

2 most unkindest, the double superlative, of which this is an example, was common with the writers of the Elizabethan age.

8 statue. This word is here pronounced as a trisyllable. Pompey was a son-in-law of Cæsar, having married his daughter Julia. 4 dint (literally, dent), impression, emotion.