"But he has a right to question you."

“Dat may be, Jedge, but I's got a rattlin' in my head, en ef he worry me much more, fust t'ing you know I'll up and tell de truth 'bout this matter!"-Selected.

AN AGGRAVATED CASE

"And is this man to come into this court with unblushing footsteps, with the cloak of hypocrisy in his mouth, and to draw fifteen bullocks out of my client's pocket with impunity?" asked an English barrister. There was no reply.-Christian Register.

TRESPASSING ON ETERNITY

A long-winded prosy counselor was arguing a technical case recently before one of the judges of the Superior Court. He had drifted along in such a desultory way that it was hard to keep track of what he was trying to present, and the judge had just vented a very suggestive yawn. "I sincerely trust that I am not unduly trespassing on the time of this court," said the lawyer, with a suspicion of sarcasm in his voice. "There is some difference," the judge quietly observed, “between trespassing on time and encroaching on eternity."-Philadelphia Ledger.

SETTLING OUT OF COURT

Magistrate. "Can't this case be settled out of court?" Mulligan. "Sure, sure; that's what we were trying to do, your honor, when the police interfered."-Brooklyn Life.

NOT MAKING HIS DEBUT

Judge-"Were you ever arrested before?"

Riggles "Honest now, Judge, do I look like I was a bud jest makin' me daboo?"-Selected.

LAWYERS

ROOM FOR DOUBT

Here is a little story that was told by Congressman William H. Murray of Oklahoma, in gently throwing the harpoon into a lawyer friend.

One afternoon a stranger debarked from a train at a hustling town in the West, and headed up the street. Finally he met some one that looked like a native.

"Pardon me," said the stranger, halting the likely looking person, "are you a resident of this town?"

"Yes, sir," was the ready rejoinder of the other. "Been here something like fifty years. What can I do for you?"

"I am looking for a criminal lawyer," responded the stranger. "Have you one here?"

"Well," reflectively answered the native, "we think we have, but we can't prove it on him."-Philadelphia Telegraph.

DISCOURAGED

The late Gilman Marston, of New Hampshire, was arguing a complicated case, and had looked up authorities back to Julius Cæsar. At the end of an hour and a half, in the most intricate part of his plea, he was pained to see what looked like inattention. It was as he had feared. The judge was unable to appreciate the nice points of his argument.

"Your honor," he said. "I beg your pardon, but do you follow me?"

"I have so far," answered the judge, shifting wearily about in his chair, "but I'll say frankly that if I thought I could find my way back, I'd quit right here."-Everybody's Magazine.

WHY SHE DID NOT TALK

When Mr. Lloyd George was a young country solicitor in Wales, he was riding home in his dog-cart one day and came upon a little Welsh girl trudging along so wearily that he offered her a ride. She accepted silently, but all the way along, although he tried to engage her in conversation, he could not get her to say anything more than a timid "Yes" or "No." Some days afterward the girl's mother happened to meet Mr. Lloyd George, and said to him smilingly, "Do you remember that my little girl rode home with you a short time ago? Well, when she got home she said, 'Mamma, I rode home from school with Mr. Lloyd George, the lawyer, and he kept talking to me, and I didn't know what ever to do, for you know Mr. Lloyd George charges when you talk with him, and I hadn't any money."-Selected.

PAYING HIS WAY

In a rural court the old squire had made a ruling so unfair that three young lawyers at once protested against such a miscarriage of justice. The squire immediately fined each of the lawyers $5 for contempt of court.

There was silence, and then an older lawyer walked slowly to the front of the room and deposited a $10 bill with the clerk. He then addressed the judge as follows:

"Your honor, I wish to state that I have twice as much contempt for this court as any man in the room."-Youth's Companion.

NEW USE FOR AN ALARM-CLOCK

Senator Ollie James told of a young man in Louisville who not long since hung up his shingle as attorney-at-law.

One afternoon a friend, upon entering the office, observed upon the desk of the new legal light a dollar alarm-clock.

"That's a good idea," said the friend. "One is very apt to oversleep these fine spring mornings."

The youthful attorney smiled sadly. "This alarm-clock was not bought for the reason you mention," said he. "I merely keep it here to wake me when it is time to go home.”—Green Bag.

WOULD HAVE NO COMPETITION

A young graduate in law wrote to a prominent practitioner in Arkansas to inquire what chance there was in that section.

"I am a Republican in politics," he wrote, "and an honest young lawyer."

In a few days he received this reply: "If you are a Republican the game laws here will protect you, and if you are an honest lawyer you will have no competition."-Selected.

LAWYERS' FEES

"Why do you want a new trial?"

"On the grounds of newly discovered evidence, your honor." "What's the nature of it?"

"My client has dug up $400 that I didn't know he had."-Louisville Courier-Journal.

MUST KNOW HIS CHARGES FIRST

Lady. "I want to sue my husband for divorce."

Lawyer. "What are your charges?"

Lady. "What are yours first?"-Selected.

ACQUITTED HIMSELF

Young Lawyer-"How do you think I acquitted myself in that trial?"

Old Friend-"Much better than you did your client."-Selected.

HE COULD NOT SAY

Client: "How much will your opinion be worth in this case?" Lawyer: “I am too modest to say. But I can tell you what I'm going to charge you."-Boston Transcript.

HE NEEDED A LAWYER

"You are lying so clumsily," said the observant judge to a litigant who was making a dubious statement of his case, "that I would advise you to get a lawyer."-Selected.

PROVING HIS CLIENT'S INNOCENCE

A certain lawyer was defending a man who had been sued for returning a borrowed kettle in a damaged condition.

"I intend to prove my client's innocence in three different ways," said he. "First, I intend to show that he never borrowed the kettle.

Secondly, I intend to prove that it was cracked when he borrowed it. And, thirdly, I will prove that it was whole when he returned it."

LAWYERS

Ignorance of the law does not prevent the losing lawyer from collecting his bill.-Puck.

HE WAS CONSIDERATE

Archbishop Ryan once attended a dinner given him by the citizens of Philadelphia and a brilliant company of men were present. Among others were the president of the Pennsylvania railroad, ex-Attorney-General MacVeagh, counsel for the road, and other prominent railroad men.

Mr. MacVeagh, in talking to the guest of the evening, said: "Your Grace, among others you see here a great many railroad men. There is a peculiarity of railroad men that even on social occasions you will find that they always take their lawyer with them. That is why I am here. They never go anywhere without their counsel. Now they have nearly everything that men want, but I have a suggestion to make to you for an exchange with us. We can give free passes on all the railroads of the country. Now if you would only give us-say a free pass to Paradise by way of exchange."

"Ah, no," said His Grace, with a merry twinkle in his eye, "that would never do. I would not like to separate them from their counsel."-Selected.

UNUSUAL FOR A LAWYER

George Ade had finished his speech at a recent dinner-party, and on seating himself a well-known lawyer rose, shoved his hands deep into his trousers' pockets, as was his habit and laughingly inquired of those present: "Doesn't it strike the company as a little unusual that a professional humorist should be funny?"

When the laugh had subsided, Ade drawled out:

"Doesn't it strike the company as a little unusual that a lawyer should have his hands in his own pockets?"-Selected.

LAWYERS AND LIARS

It is a dangerous thing, when you have let slip an unfortunate remark, to try to cover up the blunder.

Mrs. G. was talking with the wife of Judge H. about her son's choice of a profession. "I don't want him to be a lawyer," she said. "Why not?" said the judge's wife. "I think there is nothing much finer than the legal profession for a bright boy."

"Well," said Mrs. G., bluntly, "a lawyer has to tell so many lies." Then it dawned on her that she was talking to the wife of a lawyer; so she hastily added, “That is-er-to be a good lawyer!" -Youth's Companion.

HIS ANNUITY GONE

The New Junior Partner-"Well, I've succeeded in settling that Arnold case, dad."

The Senior Partner-"What! Goodness, boy-why, I gave you that case as an annuity."-Tatler.

LAZINESS

MORBUS SABBATICUS

A certain parish paper of Australia has the following that is too good to keep. "We are not yet ready to sanction Christian Science, but if ever an ailment could yield to the treatment of this cult, we believe 'morbus Sabbaticus' would be that one. 'Morbus Sabbaticus,' or Sunday sickness, is a disease peculiar to churchgoers. The attack comes on suddenly every Sunday; no symptoms are felt on Saturday night; the patient sleeps well, eats a hearty breakfast, but about church time the attack comes on, and continues till services are over for the morning. Then the patient feels easy and eats a hearty dinner. In the afternoon he feels much better, and he is able to take a walk and talk about politics; but about church time he gets another attack, and stays at home. He retires early, sleeps well, and wakes up on Monday morning refreshed and able to go to work, and does not have any symptoms of the disease until next Sunday." The vicar, in the same manner, suggests a remedy: "On Sunday," he says, "rise at seven; use plenty of cold water. Then mix up and take internally a dose composed of equal parts of the following ingredients-namely, will, push, energy, determination, self-respect for God's day, respect for God's Book, respect for God's house. Stir well; add a little love just to make it sweet. Repeat the dose every three minutes until church time, unless relief comes sooner. If the day is stormy an external application of overshoes, rubber coats, and umbrellas will be beneficial."-Selected.

WAITING TO STOP

Admiral Sir Percy Scott is a very hard worker himself, and he detests laziness in others.

One morning some time ago he approached a member of the "unemployable" class who was lying under a tree beside a river, placidly watching the barges drift up and down.

"What are you here for?" Sir Percy asked.

The man turned lazily to look at him.

"I'm here," he said, "to pile them bales on to the wharf."

"I see," commented Sir Percy dryly; "and now, I suppose, you are resting."

"No," was the thoughtful reply; "no, I ain't resting. I'm just waiting."