"Playing postman,” replied her "pet." "I gave letters to all the houses in our street. Real letters, too."

"Where on earth did you get them?" questioned his mother. "They were those old ones in your wardrobe drawer, tied up with ribbon," was the innocent reply.-Selected.

THOUGHT HE WAS BLIND

Bobby was sent by his father on an errand to an elderly relative who placed great stress upon manners. Upon his return his father questioned him as to his reception.

""Tain't no use to write any more letters to him, pa. He can't see to read them. He is blind."

"Blind!"

"Yes. He asked me twice where my hat was, and I had it on my head all the time."-Selected.

HE WAS THE LITTLE BOY

A small boy with a lonesome expression walked into the County Clerk's office in Denver. "Please, sir," he said timidly, "have you seen anything of a lady round here?"

"Why, yes," answered the officer, "I've seen several."

"Well, have you seen any without a little boy?" continued the lad, anxiously.

"Yes," replied the deputy.

"Well," said the little chap, as a relieved look crossed his face, "I'm the little boy. Where's the lady?"-Selected.

DOUBLED HIS WEIGHT

Charley was weighed the other day. "Father," he said that evening, "I weigh eighty pounds."

"What is that, Charley?" asked his mother with surprise.

"Indeed, I do, mother. The man that weighed me said it was forty, but he didn't notice that I stood on one foot when I was on the scales."-What to Do.

THE PIE'S MIDDLE NAME

Little Robert, says an exchange, rushed into the kitchen one day and asked his mother what kind of pie she was making. "Lemon meringue pie," she answered.

The little fellow disappeared, but presently returned. "Mother," he said, "what did you say is the pie's middle name?"-Selected.

THE OCEAN WAS TOO FULL

A little girl was visiting Old Point for the first time, and her father took her to bathe in the ocean. Nothing more extensive than the bathtub at home had been her experience. As she waded out, tightly holding her father's hand, she was presently up to her

neck in the water. "Oh, papa," she exclaimed, "take me out; it's too full."-Harper's Magazine.

THE NIGHT OF THE BATH

"Edgar." "Yes, mother." "What are you children doing?" "Playing royalty. I am a Knight of the Garter, and Edwin is Saturday." "That is an odd name for royalty." "Oh, it is just a nickname on account of his title." "What is his title?" "Night of the Bath."-Youngstown Telegram.

HAD ENOUGH CHILDREN

Little Mary's father had denied her a pleasure which she had expected to enjoy. That night when she said her prayers at her mother's knee she concluded with this petition:

"And please don't give my papa any more children. He don't know how to treat those he's got now."-Selected.

ONLY THE DOG HEARD THEM

Bobby's mother was often distressed by her small son's lapses from correct speech, all the more because his reports from school were always good.

"Bobby," she said plaintively, "why do you keep telling Major to 'set up' when you know 'sit up' is what you should say?"

"Oh, well, mother," Bobby answered, "I don't like to waste grammar on Major when he doesn't know the difference, being a dog."-Selected.

WHAT HE WAS GOING TO BE

Hon. Mr. Sweet was making friends with Johnny, his host's son. "And how old are you?" he asked.

"I'm five," said Johnny.

"Ah, quite a little man! And what are you going to be?" questioned Mr. Sweet, who believes that he selected his own career in the cradle.

"I'm going to be six," Johnny returned with conviction.-Youth's Companion.

HIS SUGGESTION

Robbie-"Mamma, may I go a-fishing?"

Mamma-"No, Robbie, you might fall in and be drowned." Robbie "Well, then, mamma, may I go a-swimming?"-Selected.

DID NOT ENVY HIS FATHER

Little Tommy: "Father, did you ever see a cyclone that blowed everything up in the air-cows and horses and houses and things, upside down?" Father: "Well, no, Tommy, although I've heard of it often." "Did you ever see a great whale swallow a ship?" "No, indeed, Tommy." "Did you ever see our house from way up in a

balloon?" "No, I never did." "Well," said Tommy, in despair, "I think it'd be rather tiresome to live so long and never see any thing."-Selected.

A NATURAL INQUIRY

Bobbie "What does it cost to make a letter go?"

Postman-"Two cents."

Bobbie "Don't you take 'em for children at half price?"— Selected.

IT MADE A DIFFERENCE

Mamma-"Come, little daughter, you must wash your hands after playing with the cat."

Little Daughter-"Yes, mamma; but I'll jes have to rinse 'em this time. I been playin' with the kitten."-Selected.

WANTED TO ATTRACT ATTENTION

Little Lydia had been given a ring as a birthday present, but, much to her disappointment, no one of the guests at dinner noticed it. Finally, unable to withstand their obtuseness or indifference, she exclaimed, "Oh, dear, I'm so warm in my new ring!"-Youth's Companion.

GRATEFUL TO THE COW

A new England family had recently acquired a cow, greatly to the excitement and joy of the children.

The following Sunday as the dessert, which consisted of ice cream, was placed on the table, the three-year-old of the family announced with great pride to the assembled guests:

"Our cow made that!"-Selected.

SAW THE THUNDER WINK

Little William was standing at the window, watching an approaching storm. Great clouds overspread the sky, when suddenly a bright flash of lightning parted them for an instant. "Oh, mother," he said, “I saw that funder wink."-Selected.

HAD REASON TO BE GENEROUS

Mother to small son: “Bobby, dear, I hoped you would be unselfish enough to give little sister the largest piece of candy. Why, see, even old Biddy gives all the nice big dainties to the little chicks, and only keeps an occasional tiny one for herself."

Bobby thoughtfully watched the hen and chickens for a time, and then said: "Well, mamma, I would, too, if it was worms."Selected.

HINDERED

Little Richard's mother took him for a visit to his grandparents. When bedtime approached he was instructed to kiss each of his

relatives good night. He hesitated when he came to his grandfather, who wore a long, heavy beard.

"Aren't you going to tell grandfather good night, dear?" his mother asked.

“No, mother, I can't," was the reply, "there isn't any place to tell him."-Argonaut.

QUICK WORK

A lady who had just received an interesting bit of news said to her little daughter:

"Marjorie, dear, auntie has a new baby, and now mamma is the baby's aunt, papa is the baby's uncle, and you are her little cousin." "Well," said Marjorie, wonderingly, "wasn't that arranged quick?" -Selected.

TIME TO BEGIN

Little Willie came to his mother with the following query: "Mother, what would you do if some one broke the large vase in the parlor?"

"I would whip him," responded mother. After a few seconds elapsed, Willie, with a broad grin, said: "Well, you'd better get ready. Papa broke it."—London Saturday Journal.

THOUGHT THE CAT WAS BOILING

The cat settled herself luxuriously in front of the kitchen range and began to purr. Little Dolly, who was strange to the way of cats, regarded her with horror. "Oh, grandmother!" she cried. "Come here quick. The cat's begun to boil."-The Girl's World.

EVERYBODY ACCOMMODATED

Tommy (just off train, with considerable luggage)—“Cabby, how much is it for me to Latchford?"

Cabby-"Two shillings, sir."

Tommy-"How much for my luggage?"

Cabby-"Free, sir."

Tommy "Take the luggage, I'll walk."-Boston Transcript.

SOMETHING NEW

Nannie "We're going to have a new porch in front of our house."

Marjorie "Well, we've got new yawning to all of our front windows."-Selected.

TIRED OF OUTSIDERS

Last week I was asked to stay with my little grandson. I told him stories and played with him, but at last he seemed to have lost interest in all I was doing and slipped down off my lap, got

up on the window seat, and with a sigh said: "I'm tired of everybody in the world but my own family.”—Selected.

NO BABY POLICEMEN

Peggy "Was that p'liceman ever a little baby, mother?"
Mother-"Yes, dear."

Peggy (thoughtfully)-"I don't believe I've ever seen a baby p'liceman !"-The Continent.

HE HAD TO FINISH THE BOOK

"Harold, dear, put up your book now and go to bed," said his mother. "But, mamma, I got to finish this story to-night; I simply must." "Why so, dear?" "Cause I'll be nine to morrow, and you see it says this book is 'For children of six to eight years.'" Selected.

WHAT HE GAVE HIS BROTHER

Little six-year-old Harry was asked by his Sunday school teacher: "And, Harry, what are you going to give your darling little brother for Christmas this year?" "I dunno," said Harry; "I gave him the measles last year."-Selected.

HIS REFERENCES WERE GOOD

Boy: "Please, I've come in answer to your advertisement for a boy."

Manager (of few words): "Yes, character all right?"

Boy: "As right as rain, sir. If it 'adn't 'a' bin suitable I shouldn't 'a' came. I know the last three chaps as had the place, an' they all gives you a very high character indeed!"-Selected.

MEASURING CLOTH

Little Cordelia's grandmother had an old-fashioned way of measuring a yard by holding one end of the goods to her nose and then stretching the piece at arm's length. One day Cordelia found a bit of ribbon. Carrying it to her grandmother, she very gravely requested: "Grandmother, smell this and see how long it is."Selected.

WHAT MADE HIM SORE

Mother: "Herbert, you mustn't ask your papa so many questions. They irritate him."

Herbert (shaking his head): "It ain't the questions, ma. It's the answers he can't give that make him sore!"-Selected.

WHY SHE WAS SO SOBER

"Why, Phillis, what makes you so sober this morning?" asked mother.

"Oh, mother," the four-year-old replied, "I shall be so glad when