The World's Best Humorous Anecdotes: Wit and Repartee Selected from Many Sources and Arranged TopicallyGeorge H. Doran Company, 1923 - 261 pages |
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Results 1-5 of 27
Page 34
... Jones ' boy . He wouldn't be his mother's boy if he didn't borrow something . " - Selected . WOULD HAVE TO SPONGE ELSEWHERE Tenderfoot : " Mother says can she borrow some eggs and some sugar ; she wants to make a sponge cake ...
... Jones ' boy . He wouldn't be his mother's boy if he didn't borrow something . " - Selected . WOULD HAVE TO SPONGE ELSEWHERE Tenderfoot : " Mother says can she borrow some eggs and some sugar ; she wants to make a sponge cake ...
Page 37
... and I propose that we leave the old school- house standing until the new one is up , and that we use the stones of the old schoolhouse to build the new one . " - Young Folks . TWO - LEGGED PHEASANTS Mistress : " Well , Jones BULLS 37.
... and I propose that we leave the old school- house standing until the new one is up , and that we use the stones of the old schoolhouse to build the new one . " - Young Folks . TWO - LEGGED PHEASANTS Mistress : " Well , Jones BULLS 37.
Page 38
... Jones , I hope we shall get more out of the garden this year . We had next to nothing last year . " Jones : " Ay , ' twere they plaguy pheasants ' ad most on it last year . " Mistress : " If you ask me , I should say it was two - legged ...
... Jones , I hope we shall get more out of the garden this year . We had next to nothing last year . " Jones : " Ay , ' twere they plaguy pheasants ' ad most on it last year . " Mistress : " If you ask me , I should say it was two - legged ...
Page 40
... Jones hasn't any fish - fork . Get her one at once ! " " Madam , " came the emphatic reply , " last time Mrs. Jones dined here we lost a fish - fork . " James has now been relegated to the garden . — Tit - Bits . A FRANK DEBUTANTE Host ...
... Jones hasn't any fish - fork . Get her one at once ! " " Madam , " came the emphatic reply , " last time Mrs. Jones dined here we lost a fish - fork . " James has now been relegated to the garden . — Tit - Bits . A FRANK DEBUTANTE Host ...
Page 43
... . Right there the road will fork and if your wife will keep her eye on you , she will find out whose dog you are . " - Sam Jones . CHARITY EXPERIMENTAL RELIGION One of our prominent authors and clergymen CHARACTER 43 CHARACTER.
... . Right there the road will fork and if your wife will keep her eye on you , she will find out whose dog you are . " - Sam Jones . CHARITY EXPERIMENTAL RELIGION One of our prominent authors and clergymen CHARACTER 43 CHARACTER.
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Popular passages
Page 212 - Now Philip was of Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter. 45 Philip findeth Nathanael, and saith unto him, We have found him, of whom Moses in the law, and the prophets, did write, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph. 46 And Nathanael said unto him, Can there any good thing come out of Nazareth ? Philip saith unto him, Come and see.
Page 158 - Are you willing to swear that you know more than half of them?
Page 121 - He is just like his father — you have to learn him with a club. Pound nolege into him. I want him to get it and don't pay no attention what his father says — I'll handle him.
Page 270 - Lindsey was lunching one very hot day, when a politician paused beside his table. "Judge," said he, "I see you're drinking coffee. That's a heating drink. Did you ever try gin and ginger ale ?" "No," said the Judge, smiling, "but I have tried several fellows who did."— Selected.
Page 87 - What is the secret of success?" asked the Sphinx. "Push," said the Button. "Never be led," said the Pencil. "Take pains," said the Window. "Always keep cool," said the Ice. "Be up to date," said the Calendar. "Never lose your head,
Page 137 - Is that true?" asked the judge, turning to the man with the mussed-up face. "Sure, it's true," said the accuser. "I called him a liar because he is one, and I can prove it.
Page 232 - He can take a short course; it all depends on what you want to make of him. When God wants to make an oak he takes a hundred years, but he takes only two months to make a squash.
Page 275 - An English lord, who had just arrived from England, was talking to an American Boy Scout. "My grandfather," he said, "was a very great man. One day Queen Victoria touched his shoulder with a sword and made him a lord." "Aw, that's nothin'," the Boy Scout replied. "One day Red Wing, an Indian, touched my grandfather on the head with a tomahawk and made him an angel.
Page 239 - Owing to my ill health, I will sell at my residence, in township 19, range 18, according to the government survey, one plush raspberry cow, aged 8 years. She is of undoubted courage and gives milk frequently. To a man who does not fear death in any form she would be a great boon. She is very much attached to her present home with a stay chain, but she will be sold to any one who agrees to treat her right.
Page 20 - you must have been walking very carelessly. I am a very careful driver. I have been driving a car for seven years.