The World's Best Humorous Anecdotes: Wit and Repartee Selected from Many Sources and Arranged TopicallyGeorge H. Doran Company, 1923 - 261 pages |
From inside the book
Results 1-5 of 64
Page 15
... wife even accuses him of forgetting at times that he's a married man , and any one who can forget that has no memory at all . " - Detroit Free Press . ABSENT - MINDED Professor " I went to the railway office to - day and got that ...
... wife even accuses him of forgetting at times that he's a married man , and any one who can forget that has no memory at all . " - Detroit Free Press . ABSENT - MINDED Professor " I went to the railway office to - day and got that ...
Page 19
... Wife of author ( hearing the sound of a brow being slapped ) .— " O Harold ! An inspiration ? " The author ( sadly ) .— “ No , my dear - a mosquito . ” — Punch . AUTOMOBILING NEEDED NEW PARTS " My brother bought a motor here last week ...
... Wife of author ( hearing the sound of a brow being slapped ) .— " O Harold ! An inspiration ? " The author ( sadly ) .— “ No , my dear - a mosquito . ” — Punch . AUTOMOBILING NEEDED NEW PARTS " My brother bought a motor here last week ...
Page 20
... wife for a horse . You wouldn't swap me for a horse , would you , darling ? " He- " Of course not . But I'd hate to have any one tempt me with a good motor car . " - London Tit - Bits . APPROPRIATE FOR A TIN WEDDING Mrs. Ford- " My ...
... wife for a horse . You wouldn't swap me for a horse , would you , darling ? " He- " Of course not . But I'd hate to have any one tempt me with a good motor car . " - London Tit - Bits . APPROPRIATE FOR A TIN WEDDING Mrs. Ford- " My ...
Page 22
... Wife ( taking very nervous friend for a little trip ) — “ I feel so safe with George driving , now he has joined the Red Cross . He is learning first aid , and knows where all the hospitals are . ” — London Opinion . AN AUTO FACE NOT ...
... Wife ( taking very nervous friend for a little trip ) — “ I feel so safe with George driving , now he has joined the Red Cross . He is learning first aid , and knows where all the hospitals are . ” — London Opinion . AN AUTO FACE NOT ...
Page 23
... wife was taking her first trip with her husband in his airship . " Wait a moment , George , " she said . " I'm afraid we will have to go down again . ” " What's wrong ? " asked the husband . " I believe I have dropped one of the pearl ...
... wife was taking her first trip with her husband in his airship . " Wait a moment , George , " she said . " I'm afraid we will have to go down again . ” " What's wrong ? " asked the husband . " I believe I have dropped one of the pearl ...
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Common terms and phrases
ABSENT-MINDED Professor ain't American answered asked Bill Bobby boss Boston Transcript called chickens Christian church Collier's Weekly colored daughter dear dinner doctor DOCTOR Doctor Eagle Magazine Esau exclaimed farmer father fish give hand head hear heard Home Journal honor horse husband I'se inquired Irishman Johnny Jones judge kleptomania knew lady lawyer little girl look Louisville Courier-Journal ma'am madam Magazine mamma married minister Miss morning mother mule negro neighbor never night pardon preacher professor question Rastus remarked replied saw wood Selected sergeant sermon sing Star story Sunday school sure talking teacher tell terminological inexactitude there's thing thought Tit-Bits told Tommy TRIGGERNOMETRY Uncle voice waiter walk Washington Star What's wife Willie woman wood-saw word Yale Record York York Sun young Youth's Companion
Popular passages
Page 212 - Now Philip was of Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter. 45 Philip findeth Nathanael, and saith unto him, We have found him, of whom Moses in the law, and the prophets, did write, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph. 46 And Nathanael said unto him, Can there any good thing come out of Nazareth ? Philip saith unto him, Come and see.
Page 158 - Are you willing to swear that you know more than half of them?
Page 121 - He is just like his father — you have to learn him with a club. Pound nolege into him. I want him to get it and don't pay no attention what his father says — I'll handle him.
Page 270 - Lindsey was lunching one very hot day, when a politician paused beside his table. "Judge," said he, "I see you're drinking coffee. That's a heating drink. Did you ever try gin and ginger ale ?" "No," said the Judge, smiling, "but I have tried several fellows who did."— Selected.
Page 87 - What is the secret of success?" asked the Sphinx. "Push," said the Button. "Never be led," said the Pencil. "Take pains," said the Window. "Always keep cool," said the Ice. "Be up to date," said the Calendar. "Never lose your head,
Page 137 - Is that true?" asked the judge, turning to the man with the mussed-up face. "Sure, it's true," said the accuser. "I called him a liar because he is one, and I can prove it.
Page 232 - He can take a short course; it all depends on what you want to make of him. When God wants to make an oak he takes a hundred years, but he takes only two months to make a squash.
Page 275 - An English lord, who had just arrived from England, was talking to an American Boy Scout. "My grandfather," he said, "was a very great man. One day Queen Victoria touched his shoulder with a sword and made him a lord." "Aw, that's nothin'," the Boy Scout replied. "One day Red Wing, an Indian, touched my grandfather on the head with a tomahawk and made him an angel.
Page 239 - Owing to my ill health, I will sell at my residence, in township 19, range 18, according to the government survey, one plush raspberry cow, aged 8 years. She is of undoubted courage and gives milk frequently. To a man who does not fear death in any form she would be a great boon. She is very much attached to her present home with a stay chain, but she will be sold to any one who agrees to treat her right.
Page 20 - you must have been walking very carelessly. I am a very careful driver. I have been driving a car for seven years.