At a Caledonian banquet in London a Scotsman who had settled in the metropolis made a speech, in which Scotland and all things Scottish were so fulsomely praised that an Englishman who sat next him said when he had finished:

"If Scotland is all that you Scotsmen say it is, why don't you stay there instead of coming here?"

"Weel," answered the Scotsman, "Ah'll tell ye hoo it wis wi' me. When Ah wis in business in Fife Ah fand a' the fowk wis just as cliver as mesel', an' Ah cudna gar the two en's meet. Sae Ah came awa' Sooth, an' sin' syne, man, Ah've been daein' rale weel."

Men sit around a tool-chest quarreling about saws and planes and chisels. They are not building anything, they are debating about tools. They are fit to be a theological seminary.-Beecher, Adapt.

INQUISITIVE GENTLEMAN Dear me! Have you been wounded?

TOMMY-Oh, no; I was cleaning the bird-cage, sir, and the canary kicked me.

MORE LIKELY

"Any rags? Any old iron?" chanted the dealer, as he knocked at the The suburban villa. man of the house himself opened the door. "No, go away," he snapped, irritably. "There's nothing for you. My wife is away."

The itinerant merchant hesitated a moment, and then inquired: “Any old bottles?"

King Solomon and King David
Led merry, merry lives,

With many, many lady friends
And many, many wives;
But when old age crept over them,
With so many, many qualms,
King Solomon wrote the Proverbs

And King David wrote the Psalms.

nearer

THIS WAS IMPORTANT He was a very small boy. Paddy was his dog, and Paddy was to his heart than anything on earth. When Paddy met swift and hideous death on the turnpike road his mother trembled to break the news. But it had to be, and when he came home from school she told him simply:

"Paddy has been run over and killed."

He took it very quietly. All day it was the same. But five minutes before he had gone to bed there echoed through the house a shrill and sudden lamentation. His mother rushed upstairs with solicitude and pity.

"Nurse says," he sobbed, "that Paddy has been run over and killed.” "But, dear, I told you that at dinner, and you didn't seem to be troubled at all."

"No; but-but I didn't know you said Paddy. I-I thought you said daddy!"