ALL UP

Two men were crossing the ocean in a storm and both became deathly sick. Finally one roused up a little and ventured to ask, "Do you suppose the moon is up yet?" The other tried several times in vain to make reply. Finally he said, "I don't know, Bill, but if that is one of the things I swallowed, it surely is up. I feel as though I had thrown up my immortal soul also."-Exchange.

QUALIFIED BY NATURE

Jed has been nervous lately about being drafted and has decided to enlist. He chose the navy, and told the naval recruiting officer he was intended by nature for a sailor. When asked why, he said because he had a floating kidney.-Salt Seller.

THE PROFESSOR'S TROUBLE

The professor was walking down the street when accidentally he allowed one foot to drop in the dry gutter. Thinking deeply on some obscure subject, he unconsciously continued walking with one foot on the sidewalk and the other in the gutter. A friend, seeing him, stopped and said:

"Good morning, professor. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Well," said the professor, "when I left home this morning I was feeling quite all right, but during the last few minutes I notice I have a limp in my left leg."-Atlanta Journal.

WHERE IT HELPS

"Do you think early rising is good for your health?" asked the languid city visitor.

"I don't know about my health," replied Farmer Cobbles, "but next to sun, rain and fertilizer, it's the best thing there is for crops."-Birmingham Age Herald.

ZEKE ZOWIE SEZ Once there were two men. One was exceedingly truthful, and therefore when a lie was necessary he told clumsy lies. The other lied often, and from practice lied skillfully.

Because the clumsy one's infre quent lies were always discovered, he was called a Confirmed Liar.

But the skillful liar, being too clever to be caught, was esteemed as the Soul of Truth.

Moral-Don't lie. But if you must make it a practice, why, make it a practice.-Pepper and Salt.