CHAPTER XXXV.

Stepmothers.

F all the world loves a lover, all the world seems by unanimous consent to hate a stepmother. I do not mean that stepmothers in

individual cases are always treated with aversion or dislike.

Many

of these excellent women are exceedingly successful in the difficult work they have taken up, and they are rewarded for their labor and care by the fond love of the children in their homes and by the respect of all who know them.

She

A stepmother has three sets of people to please, if not more. must commend herself to her husband and his children, to the husband's relations and the relations of his first wife, the children's own mother. After that she must run the gauntlet of criticism from her neighbors and townspeople, and even from strangers, for wherever she goes accompanied by her stepchildren the eyes of those upon her will take note of any defect in manner or any little irritability; above all things, of any difference she may happen to make between her own children and those to whom she is acting as mother in step relationship.

An own mother may be impatient and unjust and no one observes it, but the slightest dereliction on the part of a stepmother calls forth pity for the children, poor things, and pitiless comment upon the woman who is supposed to have married her husband only to regard his children as a burden. In all literature and in all nations hard measure is dealt out to the stepmother. In the fairy stories, in lyrical ballads, in the old-fashioned novels and the new, she is the type of whatever is despotic, of whatever is unkind, of whatever is unmotherly.

Yet there are stepmothers and stepmothers. No woman who undertakes the office of stepmother, if she do so with a full conception of the responsibilities it involves, is anything but a brave, true woman. Often the mother-heart is found in women who never bear a child of their own. There are blessed and lovely mothers who simply remember compassionately the one who has gone and do their very best to supply to those she has left the care and sweet tenderness she would have given had she lived.

One of the happiest homes I have ever known had in it three sets of children growing up together. Husband and wife had each been married before and each had a family of children. There came along by degrees a third little family, and

the various boys and girls lived together in an ideal harmony. The respective rôles of stepmother and stepfather were carried on successfully by the parents, who seemed to show no partiality to the younger brood, but treated all alike.

Stepfathers are less unfavorably commented upon than stepmothers. They are, indeed, a rather popular set of people. A man's work taking him outside his home he is not expected to stay there and administer justice, discipline the children, or spoil them by over-indulgence. He does not have to wash the little hands and faces a dozen times a day, to sew on buttons or mend torn trousers, or settle little disputes, and therefore, whether he is father or stepfather, he gets along pretty well, occasionally acting indeed as the court of last resort in certain difficult cases, but ordinarily having a pleasant time with his children and escaping much of the triviality which makes woman's life a dull routine.

Children are often set against a stepmother by the thoughtless remarks of relatives and friends, or of heedless servants, who take pains to sow the seeds of jealousy and suspicion before the new wife comes upon the scene. This is certainly wicked work, and a little care on the part of those who have children in their hands to bring up would prevent it. Many a stepmother is doing all she can to educate and train the children whom she loves most dearly, and she should be helped and not hindered in this work.

Some years ago I was paying a visit in a beautiful old home on Long Island, where each summer as the month of August came round a widely scattered family grouped itself under the old roof-tree around one of the most beautiful women I have ever known. She must have been lovely as a girl and as a young matron, for I did not know her until the lines gently laid by time upon her face indicated three score years and ten.

But she had so young a heart, so sweet a disposition, such quick sympathy with youth and childhood, such tender comprehension of the troubles which come to people as they meet the problems of life, that in age she remained what she must always have been-a perfect queen. Around her gathered as long as she lived, which was until she had long passed her eightieth birthday, her children and grandchildren; and those to whom she had taken the place of stepmother were just as devoted, just as loyal and considerate, as were the others.

Her oldest stepson had been a young man when the fair young wife came into the house, and there were a number of children belonging to that first set. Then she had a large family of her own. One of these told me that she shall never forget the shock she felt when, as a growing girl, some meddlesome neighbor took upon herself to inform her that her older brothers and sisters were not really her own, but only what are called half brothers and sisters. She rushed home to

throw herself on the maternal breast and sob, and that sweet mother told her not to mind anything that was said; that she loved the children all alike.

Many of us have similar memories which we recall, and we know that it is not the fact merely of bearing offspring, but the warm mother heart, true and sweet,

the feeling of re

sponsibility in undertaking the sacred trust, and the overflowing love which makes some women's hearts a sanctuary for all which needs shelter, that make the stepmother a true mother.

Occasionally

one's heart is harrowed by tales of cruelty, but these

do not spring from the fact

of the rela

tionship so much as from the fact of the narrow and selfish heart of the woman who has undertaken to care for children when she has no love for them. An own mother has sometimes been known to be injudicious, unjust and severe, and so far as in us lies it will be a good thing if we should all join hands hereafter in

.

opposing the senseless and foolish prejudice which makes the stepmother a butt for ridicule or a target for sneers.

Louisa C. Tuthill, alluding to extreme sensitiveness, once said something which stepmothers may find helpful:

"If your enemies misunderstand your motives, it matters little if they are such as you can lay open to the eyes of Him who sits as a 'refiner and purifier.' If you are led, by their severity, to a clearer discernment of your own motives, to a closer scrutiny into your own conduct, they in effect serve you better than your flatterers-even better than your friends. 'You will form your own character, nor can your enemies prevent it. Their calumny will injure you less than you imagine.'

"Injuries, real or supposed, are not to be met with a haughty and contemptuous spirit. Loathing and disdaining meanness and sinfulness, avoid transferring your hatred to the beings who are guilty of them. Hatred, malice, and all evil passions, burn themselves with the firebrands they throw, poison themselves with their own deadly mixtures. They whose bosoms are haunted by these demons should not meet with condemnation alone; they should call forth the deepest commiseration. When you can pray for those who despitefully use and persecute you,' not generally, but individually, it is the surest proof that they are entirely forgiven. The Christian's heart should bound to offer forgiveness, even to those offending ones who will not ask it. Blessed indeed is that spirit which, in humble imitation of the divine Redeemer, can say, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.'

"But not alone toward enemies is the spirit of Christian forbearance to be exercised. Such, alas! is fallen human nature, that the best and loveliest of earthly friends have their darker shades of character. We should be foolishly employed in endeavoring, day after day, to count the spots upon the glorious sun; to dwell upon the faults of those whom we love would be equal folly. Habitually to interpret their motives kindly, to make charitable allowances for their weakness, to use every favorable opportunity to draw forth their excellence, to endeavor to correct their faults by example and by advice, unostentatiously offered; this is the task of Christian forbearance.

"Excessive sensitiveness to unkindness or to dislike should not be suffered to mar your happiness. This may arise from morbid sensibility, or from pride. In either case, you will be disturbed by

from the friends whom you fondly love, and weeks of dejection be the consequence. No better remedy can be prescribed, than a cordial, wholesome kindliness of

manner on your own part, which will most probably call forth the same manner from your friends, Practice that true Christian courtesy, recommended by the Apostle Paul, and so beautifully exemplified by our blessed Saviour in all His social intercourse. This courtesy exhibits itself from day to day, in those 'thousand decencies' that give to life its sweetness. If, notwithstanding your own kindliness, you have true friends who are deficient in courtesy, their want of suavity should not alienate you; with this unfortunate deficiency, their hearts may be kind and benevolent. Habituate yourself to their unpleasing manners, and steel yourself against them; a rough rind often encloses fruit that is sweet and nutritious."

Where, as sometimes happens, the stepdaughters are nearly the same age with their mothers, the problem grows more difficult of solution daily, unless on both sides there are good temper, common sense and conscience. These brought to bear upon any situation soon rob of its worst aspects. A man has a right to marry a second time. Let this be conceded and his family will accommodate

themselves to the arrangement, even if they would have preferred it otherwise.