-anticipate a quiet hour in thought of Heaven and of my Saviour. It has been our communion this morning, and we have had a beautiful day for its holy duties, but to me it has not been all peace like the last communion. That was a day more like heaven than any thing I have since had. I have had a weight on my spirit from which it has been hard for me to arise. I am poor and miserable, and yet I have looked to Jesus, and some faint gleams have been granted me. I will try to trust and do right, then all will end in peace.

Since I have been in school, my mind has been so closely occupied that I could not attend to my religious duties as I wished; and themes on which I once dwelt with delight, have escaped too much from my mind. This has darkened my way. I am so sinful, I need all the help I can have. During the week I have had much excitement, and am worn out with it. I am in a strange state this afternoon; perhaps I am not well; I do very much need support from above. But if I trust in God he will give me strength to meet every duty.

This is a sad account; but I have written down my feelings, and they are a faithful index to my heart, sometimes peaceful and again mourning on account of sin. I want to keep this journal to refer to in after years, when, if I live, I shall be far from this home. The events of this summer have been the touchstone to many hidden feelings. The outer world has been calm as usual, but in my inner world what a succession of events and of scenes there has been! O, my God, if I might not have looked to Thee, could I have borne this ceaseless rush? I should have sunk, might I not have leaned on the Saviour for aid."

"September 12th. Sabbath afternoon. Again alone, and better prepared, I hope, to spend my hour than I was last Sabbath. I now feel that I was worn out with excitement then. I needed to have been quiet and trusted in Christ. Now all is calm and sweet. I can only thank God and say, 'here, my Father, take me and do with me as seemeth good in thy sight.' I want to keep on in a steady, even course; but there are continually coming up things which deeply excite me, and never till I reach the other world, do I expect to be free from their influence. There, we shall be able to bear all, but here, joy and sorrow wear away the life.

I am at present in school, and though I love my dear girls very much, yet I find it so fatiguing I shall rejoice when Miss B. comes and I can be released. There will come many duties for this fall and winter, which will require strength and calmness of mind, and I must try to keep my heart quiet.

The American Board are now at Philadelphia, deliberating what they can do in the present crisis. May our churches be ready to meet it. I pray for strength that I may be ready to give up my all. O, I am very weak,—I need to look to Christ for aid in every thing. But I can have a bold heart. I want to have my heart lose its hold on earthly things, and look more at Christ's kingdom. I must use diligently all the means I have for this, and they are very great. I am determined to press on, that so 'Christ may be formed in me the hope of glory." "

There is a

"Tuesday, 14th. The mists of an autumn evening now hang around the hills and over the trees. The crickets are chirping their songs. I love their voice. loneliness in their notes agreeing well with these fading days. These early autumn days are to me the most glo

rious of the year.

There is a hallowed influence in the quiet air, and the vault of heaven wears just the hues which tell of a holier clime. It is a time for elevating thoughts. I love these days more than I can tell. I have loved the summer softness and the young spring's breath, and I love autumn too. Oh, this fair earth, so beautiful even in its ruins, how many looks and tones it has to win us up to heaven. Last year my heart was sick at the thought of autumn. The turning leaves made it recoil. It was not so once, but then it made me melancholy to see the trees fading, and the flowers dropping away, and to hear the chill night wind whistling against the casement. I thought continually of Bryant's words on autumn,

“The melancholy days are come, the saddest of the year,

Of wailing winds and naked woods, and meadows brown and sere."

sons.

But I thank God, that a year has taught me better lesHow quickly this summer has passed! Let me see to it that my days are spent usefully, when they fly so swiftly. To-day I have enjoyed, for I am at work on my own plans. My school days are over, and again I am quiet; and can command time for my various duties both at home and abroad."

"Sabbath, September 19th. Dr. Armstrong of the American Board is here. He has come in behalf of Missions, and though it has been denied me the privilege of hearing him preach, I have prayed that his labors might be blessed.

I have had a dull day in body, but I trust not quite so in mind. Fatigue and excitement have made me nearly useless, but I hope I shall improve as the cold weather returns. This morning I dozed about all the time, have not been down at all to meals, and dozed till after church time

this afternoon, but for a little while I have been up, and read 'Last hours of Christ,' and also some interesting papers of Dr. Armstrong, and I have had sweet thoughts of Jesus and His faithful love. So great! It is wonderful! and I so poor and vile. The least thought makes my eyes overflow, for I am weak. I am happy and trusting tonight. When I look in, all is indeed very dark and sinful, but I look away to Christ and all is bright, and I pray for my precious ones, and for this whole world that Jesus may reign."

CHAPTER VI.

SICKNESS AND RECOVERY.

"Sunday, Oct. 10th. It is just three weeks since I have written in my journal, and I have looked for the first time this afternoon, upon my lovely hills, by my own dear window. I am writing in my own chamber, where I have passed through a deeply interesting and eventful season; for I have been brought to the borders of the grave, from which it has pleased God to raise me, so that now I am fast recovering. I have been down stairs for a little while, and have touched again my dear piano. But I am still very weak, and sit in my easy chair very quietly, reading some, and sewing some, but thinking most of the time. And O, I thank God for the sweet thoughts he grants me.

I can look back on the whole scene, and view it only in the light of a blessing. I had very little suffering— principally weakness; but I was so ill that my parents gave up all hope, and my physicians felt there was scarcely a chance for my recovery. And yet, through the whole, my mind was clear. I knew all which was going on around me, felt my danger, and thought that I should die. It pleased God to give me great calmness, without which it would have been impossible for my disease to have been checked; for excitement was the thing most feared. I left the event entirely in my Saviour's hand. I trusted all to him, and knew that if it was his will, I should recover; if not,