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on this occasion, and wondered from what cause it could proceed, and why he should so lightly pass over those vices in others, from which he abstained himself; for I had never heard him swear and as his expressions were not obscene, I imagined his conversation was chaste; in which, however, my ignorance deceived me, and it was not long before I had reason to change my opinion of his character.'

N° 13. TUESDAY, DECEMBER 19, 1752.

-Sic omnia fatis

In pejus ruere, ac retrò sublapsa referri:

Non aliter quàm qui adverso vix flumine lembum
Remigiis subigit; si brachia fortè remisit,

Atque illum in præceps prono rapit alveus amni.-VIRG.
Thus all below, whether by nature's curse,
Or fate's decree, degen'rate still to worse.

So the boat's brawny crew the current stem,
And, slow advancing, struggle with the stream:
But if they slack their hands, or cease to strive,
Then down the flood with headlong haste they drive.
DRYDEN.

THERE came one morning to inquire for him at his chambers, a lady who had something in her manner which caught my attention and excited my curiosity her clothes were fine, but the manner in which they were put on was rather flaunting than elegant; her address was not easy nor polite, but seemed to be a great mixture of affected state and licentious familiarity: she looked in the glass while she was speaking to me, and without any confusion adjusted her tucker: she seemed rather pleased than disconcerted at being regarded with earnestness;

and being told that my cousin was abroad, she asked some trifling questions, and then making a slight courtesy, took up the side of her hoop with a jerk that discovered at least half her leg, and hurried down stairs.

'I could not help inquiring of the clerks, if they knew this lady; and was greatly confounded when they told me, with an air of secrecy, that she was my cousin's mistress, whom he had kept almost two years in lodgings near Covent-garden. At first I' suspected this information; but it was soon confirmed by so many circumstances, that I could no longer doubt of its truth.

As my principles were yet untainted, and the influence of my education was still strong, I regarded my cousin's sentiments as impious and detestable; and his example rather struck me with horror, than seduced me to imitation. I flattered myself with hopes of effecting his reformation, and took every opportunity to hint the wickedness of allowing incontinence; for which I was always rallied when he was disposed to be merry, and answered with the contemptuous sneer of self-sufficiency when he was sullen.

Near four years of my clerkship were now expired, and I had never yet entered the lists as a disputant with my cousin: for though I conceived myself to be much his superior in moral and theological learning, and though he often admitted me to familiar conversation, yet I still regarded the subordination of a servant to a master, as one of the duties of my station, and preserved it with such exactness, that I never exceeded a question or a hint when we were alone, and was always silent when he had company, though I frequently heard such positions advanced, as made me wonder that no tremendous token of the divine displeasure immediately

followed: but coming one night from the tavern, warm with wine, and, as I imagined, flushed with polemic success, he insisted upon my taking one glass with him before he went to bed; and almost as soon as we were seated, he gave me a formal challenge, by denying all divine revelation, and defying me to prove it.

'I now considered every distinction as thrown down, and stood forth as the champion of religion, with that elation of mind which the hero always feels at the approach of danger. I thought myself secure of victory; and rejoicing that he had now compelled me to do what I had often wished he would permit, I obliged him to declare that he would dispute upon equal terms, and we began the debate. But it was not long before I was astonished to find myself confounded by a man whom I saw half drunk, and whose learning and abilities I despised when he was sober; for as I had but very lately discovered that any of the principles of religion, from the immortality of the soul to the deepest mystery, had been so much as questioned, all his objections were new. I was assaulted where I had made no preparation for defence; and having not been so much accustomed to disputation, as to consider that, in the present weakness of human intellects, it is much easier to object than answer, and that in every disquisition difficulties are found which cannot be resolved, I was overborne by the sudden onset, and in the tumult of my search after answers to his cavils, forgot to press the positive arguments on which religion is established: he took advantage of my confusion, proclaimed his own triumph, and because I was depressed, treated me as vanquished.

As the event which had thus mortified my pride, was perpetually revolved in my mind, the same mistake still continued: I inquired for solutions instead

of proofs, and found myself more and more entangled in the snares of sophistry. In some other conversations which my cousin was now eager to begin, new difficulties were started, the labyrinth of doubt grew more intricate, and as the question was of infinite moment, my mind was brought into the most distressful anxiety, I ruminated incessantly on the subjects of our debate, sometimes chiding myself for my doubts, and sometimes applauding the courage and freedom of my inquiry.

'While my mind was in this state, I heard by accident that there was a club at an alehouse in the neighbourhood, where such subjects were freely debated, to which every body was admitted without scruple or formality: to this club in an evil hour I resolved to go, that I might learn how knotty points were to be discussed, and truth distinguished from

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Accordingly, on the next club night I mingled with the multitude that was assembled in this school of folly and infidelity: I was at first disgusted at the gross ignorance of some, and shocked at the horrid blasphemy of others; but curiosity prevailed, and my sensibility by degrees wore off. I found that almost every speaker had a different opinion, which some of them supported by arguments, that to me, who was utterly unacquainted with disputation, appeared to hold opposite probabilities in exact equipoise; so that instead of being confirmed in any principle, I was divested of all; the perplexity of my mind was increased, and I contracted such a habit of questioning whatever offered itself to my imagination, that I almost doubted of my own existence,

'In proportion as I was less assured in my principles, I was less circumspect in my conduct; but such was still the force of education, that any gross violence offered to that which I had held sacred, and

every act which I had been used to regard as incurring the forfeiture of the Divine favour, stung me with remorse. I was indeed still restrained from flagitious immorality by the power of habit: but this power grew weaker and weaker, and the natural propensity to ill gradually took place; as the motion that is communicated to a ball which is struck up into the air, becomes every moment less and less, till at length it recoils by its own weight.

'Fear and hope, the great springs of human action, had now lost their principal objects, as I doubted whether the enjoyment of the present moment was not all that I could secure; my power to resist temptation diminished with my dependance upon the grace of God, and regard to the sanction of his law; and I was first seduced by a prostitute in my return from a declamation on the beauty of virtue, and the strength of the moral sense.

I began now to give myself up entirely to sensuality, and the gratification of appetite terminated my prospects of felicity: that peace of mind, which is the sunshine of the soul, was exchanged for the gloom of doubt, and the storm of passion; and my confidence in God and hope of everlasting joy, for sudden terrors and vain wishes, the loathings of satiety and the anguish of disappointment.

I was indeed impatient under this fluctuation of opinion, and therefore I applied to a gentleman who was a principal speaker at the club, and deemed a profound philosopher, to assist the labours of my own mind in the investigation of truth, and relieve me from distraction by removing my doubts: but this gentleman, instead of administering relief, lamented the prejudice of education, which he said hindered me from yielding without reserve to the force of truth, and might perhaps always keep my mind anxious, though my judgment should be

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