INTERCOURSE WITH GENTLEMEN. 307 ry to render you happy. You ought, however, to be fully satisfied that such a sentiment, of a permanent character, does really exist in your own bosom, before you consent to a union. In your ordinary intercourse with gentlemen, much caution should be observed. Always maintain a dignity of character, and never condescend to trifle. But, in your conversation upon general subjects, you may exercise the same sociability and freedom which you would with ladies; not seeming to be sensible of any difference of sex. Indignantly repel any improper liberties; but never decline attentions which are considered as belonging to the rules of common politeness, unless there should be something in the character of the individual which would justify you in wishing wholly to avoid his society. Some men are so disagreeable in their attentions, and so obtrusive of their company, that they become a great annoyance to ladies. I think the latter justifiable in refusing ordinary attentions from such men, till they learn better manners. Pay the strictest regard to propriety and delicacy, in all your conduct; yet do not maintain such a cold reserve and chilling distance, as to produce the impression in the mind of every one you meet that you dislike his society. No gentleman of refined and delicate feelings will intrude his company upon ladies, when he thinks it is not desired; and you may create this impression, by carrying the rules of propriety to the ex 308 PROPRIETY OF CONDUCT. treme of reserve. But the contrary extreme, of manifesting an excessive fondness for the society of gentlemen, is still more to be avoided. By cultivating an acute sense of propriety in all things, with a nice discrimination of judgment, you will be able generally to direct your conduct aright in these matters. Never indulge feelings of partiality for any man until he has distinctly avowed his own sentiments, and you have deliberately determined the several points already mentioned. If you do, you may subject yourself to much needless disquietude, and perhaps the most unpleasant disappointments. And the wounded feeling thus produced may have an injurious effect upon your subsequent character and happiness. I shall close this chapter with a few brief remarks, of a general nature : 1. Do not suffer this subject to occupy a very prominent place in your thoughts. To be constantly ruminating upon it, can hardly fail of exerting an injurious influence upon your mind, feelings, and deportment; and you will be almost certain to betray yourself, in the society of gentlemen, and, perhaps, become the subject of merriment, as one who is anxious for a husband 2. Do not make this a subject of common conversation. There is, perhaps, nothing which has a stronger tendency to deteriorate the social intercourse of young people, than the disposition to give GENERAL REMARKS. 309 the subject of matrimonial alliances so prominent a place in their conversation, and to make it a matter of jesting and mirth. There are other subjects enough, in the wide fields of science, literature, and religion, to occupy the social hour, both profitably and pleasantly; and a dignified reserve on this subject, will protect you from rudeness, which you will be very likely to encounter, if you indulge in jesting and raillery in regard to it. 3. Do not speak of your own private affairs of this kind, so as to have them become the subject of conversation among the circle of your acquaintances. It certainly does not add to the esteem of a young lady, among sensible people, for her to be heard talking about her beaux. Especially is this caution necessary in the case of a matrimonial engagement. Remember the old adage: "There's many a slip Between the cup and the lip;" and consider how your feelings would be mortified, if, after making such an engagement generally known among your acquaintances, any thing should occur to break it off. In such case, you will have wounded feeling enough to struggle with, without the additional pain of having the affair become a neighborhood talk. 4. Do not make an engagement a long time before you expect it to be consummated. Such engagements are surrounded with peril. A few years may make such changes in the characters 310 GENERAL REMARKS. and feelings of young persons as to destroy the fitness and congeniality of the parties; while, if the union had been consummated, they would have assimilated to each other. In short, let me entreat you to cultivate the most delicate sense of propriety, in regard to every thing having the most distant relation to this matter; and let all your feelings, conversation, and conduct be regulated upon the most elevated principles of purity, refinement, and religion; but do not carry your delicacy and reserve to the extreme of prudery, which is an unlovely trait of character, and which adds nothing to the strength of virtue. CHAPTER XIX. SUBMISSION-DEPENDENCE-CONTENTMENT. "Having food and raiment, let us be therewith content."-1 TIM. vi. 8. THE secret of true happiness lies in a cordial acquiescence in the will of God. It is "Sweet to lie passive in his hand, And know no will but his." The doctrine of a particular providence is most precious to the Christian heart. It enables him to see the hand of God in every event. Hence, the sinfulness of a repining, discontented, and unhappy temper. It is difficult to reconcile the habitual indulgence of such a disposition with the existence of grace in the heart. The first emotion of the new-born soul is submission to the will of God. We are prone to lose sight of the hand of God in the little difficulties and perplexities which are of every day occurrence, and to look only at second causes. And so we often do in more important matters. When we are injured or insulted by others, we are disposed to murmur and complain, and give vent to our indignation against the im |