THE MAN WHO STUTTERED.

"You all know Dick Timmins," observed the Major. "And you're all aware that he stutters a little. Dick, by-the-way, recently quarrelled with his friend Jack Hunter, who also stutters-slightly. Somebody asked Dick if the rupture was serious. 'W-w-we're not on s-s-s-stuttering terms,' says Dick, haughtily. They say the trouble arose through Dick trying to tell Jack a funny story. He stuttered away at it for five minutes, and couldn't make a start; when Jack said that he was reminded of a funny story, and sailed in, and also wrestled five minutes, but couldn't make a start either. Then Dick tried again; next Jack made another effort. This lasted a half-hour or so, when they finally discovered that each was trying to tell the same story, and this proved to be the rift in the lute. "Bu adven

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at I started to tell was of a little I myself had with Dick last spring. on the street, and he asked me to go e Icarian Building with him to sample aordinary brand of cigar with a friend ad an office there. Dick was somewhat ed over the prospect, and stuttered rather than usual, but as near as I could make out his friend was a returned Cuban consul who had just got in with several hundred boxes of the Cuban Captain-General's private stock of cigars. I was easily persuaded, and we walked over to the Icarian and stepped into the elevator.

m

"Of course I had no idea as to the part of the building occupied by the ex-consul, but I understood Dick must know. The elevatorman threw the lever over with a snap, saying, with another snap, 'What floor, sir? The two snaps excited Dick. T-t-the t-t-t-t-th-thhe began. We shot by the third, fourth, and fifth. T-t-the t-t-t-th-th-th-' went on Dick. The elevator-man looked at him inquiringly. We tore along by the seventh, eighth, and ninth. I say the t-t-t-t-t-th-th-' cried Dick, furiously. The man looked at him calmly. We passed the eleventh and twelfth floors. 'You ch-ch-ch-chump! howled Dick; 't-the t-t-t-t-t-th-th-th- We boomed along through the teens and shot by the twentieth. The man stood with his hand on the lever, gazing at Dick like a stone image. C-c-c-confound it, I-I-I-I-I say you're a fool!' sputtered Dick, his face as red as a lobster. 'L-1-1-1-let us off at the t-t-t-t-th-th-th-th- The twenty-fifth, twenty-sixth, and twenty-seventh faded away. The man stood calm as fate. Dick was boiling. Y-you numskull! Y-you idiot! he shouted. We-we-we-we-we-we w-want the t-t-t-t-th-th-th-th- The man gazed. Dick sprang forward and forced over the man's arm, lever and all. The car stopped with a jerk. The t-t-t-th-th-thirtieth, you leatherhead!' gurgled Dick. 'T-that's what I said at f-f-first! T-t-try to carry a p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-ppassenger by, will you!'

"And we stepped out, while the car went on. "Your friend is here on the thirtieth, eh ?' I said.

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"N-n-n-no t-t-t-t-th-third. We'll w-w-walk down. I d-d-d-don't want t-t-t-that s-s-s-scoundrel in the car to t-t-think I can't t-t-t-t-t-t-t-talk! "So walk down we did, fifty-four short flights, twenty-seven times around the elevator shaft. Then we found that the Captain-General's private stock was a false alarm. The ex- consul was smoking a pipe, and the first thing he did was to knock out the ashes and ask Dick if he had any smoking-tobacco about him."

roared Dick. 'He's on the

MR. BUSH'S CIRCUS.

DURING One of the reminiscential interludes indulged in by Mr. Milo Bush, he told of an alleged visit of a circus to the town some years before. The instructive tale ran as follows:

"It was Starbuck's Allied Tentatorial Aggravation, a Gigantic, Awe-producing Spectacle of Wonders from the Slimy Deep, the Higeous Jungle, the Bone-strewn Desert, and the Roaring Caverns of the upper air, whence blow the Seven Vampire Winds of heaven seeking whom they may destroy. Them was the words of the bills. One ticket admits to all this grand tautological presentation of upaslike monsters snatched from yearth's remotest corners and conveyed to your doors.

T

"Well, when the doors opened, the whole town was on hand. We found some things not up to the bills-the unicorn had only one horn -but we were not inclined to find fault. All ould have gone well if Mayor Patty tried to ride the trick mule. Close personal and political friends tried to dissuade him but, no, he would ride that mule. The mul throwed him and cracked his head agin the centre pole. He was mad, and went out and made complaint before Jedge Malgrave, having peeked through a hole in the tent and a seen that the zebra only had stripes on the side towards the augence.

"Well, they brought Starbuck, the sole proprietor, before the jedge, and he was convicted and fined $500. Starbuck said he couldn't pay, and they put him in the lockup. That settled the Allied Aggravation, and it went to pieces right in our midst.

"We called a public meeting to consider the situation. Lawyer Kingsley made a speech. 'Gentlemen,' says he,' we suddenly find a large number of artists, recently engaged in amoosing and instructing the crowned heads of Europe, and likewise a number of monsters ensnared from the suspicious parts of the yearth, thrown upon our charity. Shall it be said that the people of this city allowed these artists and these monsters to suffer? Palsied be this hand and may this tongue, gents, cleave to the roof of this mouth, if such shall be the case! I move you, sir, that volunteers be called for to look after these deserving artists and monsters.' The motion was carried. Joe Reynolds said he would take the hippopotamus. Jason Brack said he would board an artist. It was decided to send the sacred cow to Elder Babbitt, of the First Baptist Church, since she was said to be a good milker, and would pay for her keep. It was arranged to board the fat lady and the other members of her sex at the hotel. Jim Reed said he would take the ostrich. His igee was to set her on two hundred hens' eggs. Somebody said he would take the camel, and another man offered to board the ringmaster. I felt I ought to do something, so I riz up, and says I: 'Mr. Cheerman and feller-citizens,--I agree with the previous speakers that it behoofs us to do something for these unfortunates. We

must make these artists and these monsters feel that in our buzzums beats the warm chords of Christian charity. They are our brothers, Mr. Cheerman-that is, the artists are, and mebby some of the monsters. Now is the time to show what stuff we are made of. For my part, Mr. Cheerman, I stand ready to take to my home and to tenderly care for the Egyptian mummy. He was no relative of mine, and I never seen him before, but if he shall ever want for proper care, then, gentlemen, palsied be both of these hands, and may this tongue know naught in the future but the touch of higeous upaslike ice-water! I sot down amid deefening applause and cries of 'Three cheers for Old Man Charity Blushing to the roots of my hair, I went out, shouldered the Egyptian party, which I took to be a king, and carried him home and stood him in the pantry.

"It was exciting times in this town while we had that there circus on our hands. We got some good out of it, however; we sot the steam - piano up in the Methodist church, and doubled the congregation. Jim Reed complained that he couldn't make the ostrich set, and that she'd picked off all his doorknobs and e't 'em, and he wanted to exchange her for an artist; but we made him stick to his bargain. Hauk Shoemaker said that the tattooed man which he had for his guest leaned agin the parlor wall-paper, and the design come out and struck into the paper; but we told him he must stand it. The lions and tigers kept breaking loose and running round town and scaring people and getting under folks's houses. Some of the artists went to work. The ringmaster got a job as primaryschool teacher, and the clown began working in an undertaking establishment. And all the time the king stood there in my pantry and never made the least trouble. When others complained about their charges, I said to 'em: 'Do I kick about the king? Do I find fault? No, sir! Dooty, gentlemen; sacred dooty. Virtue is its own reward.' The preacher, with the sacred cow giving sixteen quarts of milk per day, was the only other man that wasn't finding fault about something. contrast between the sacred cow, paying for her keep and eight quarts besides, and that ostrich, standing about pulling tenpenny nails out of the side of Jim's barn with a loud squeak, was very painful, especially to Jim. The minister used to p'int out the difference between a sacred and a profane animal, though, strictly speaking, Jim was the profane animal, his remarks being scandalous every time he heard another nail squeak.

The

"All the time the sole proprietor staid in jail, cheerful as the trick mule. Mostly the artists remained hopeful too, except the bearded lady, who became disgusted, and walked out of town. He said no bearded lady with a true love for his art would submit to living on charity.

"The monster that made the most trouble

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