CHAPTER VII.

1835.

Expediency of Diaries - Characteristics of the present Diary - Visits to the sick-Vernal beauties - Letter to her Mother-Grief at profanation of the Sabbath - Bishop Moore - Romanism - New Pastor His Institution - Rev. Mr. Clark's Sermons.

UPON the advantage of keeping a minute record of the spiritual state, and of the daily life, there has been much difference of opinion. That a religious diary is not to all persons, and under all circumstances, beneficial, can hardly be questioned. To know one's self is proverbially difficult; to pen a just and truthful description of ourselves not less so. Many a journalist discovers, inadvertantly, traits of character, of which the writer was unsuspicious, and conveys to the reader a very different impression from that which was entertained by himself. A mind, too, that is morbidly sensitive to its own operations, too much given to self-study and introversion, would aggravate its own unhappy tendencies by the practice. An exaggerated estimate of frames and feelings, a neglect of the great objective truths of the gospel, dreamy enthusiasm or gloomy depression, and duties left undone, would be the natural result. The diaries of such persons, full of wearisome repetitions, are unprofitable to their authors, and devoid of interest or value to others.

On the other hand, the truthful record, by an earnest and intelligent Christian, of the different stages of the spiritual life, of the conflicts, troubles and enjoyments of the soul struggling to walk with God, the enumeration of Providential mercies and deliverances, of divine checks, supports and consolations, cannot but prove an exceeding help to self-examination and growth in grace. No human hand can so draw

the portraiture of soul-life, as the individual delineated. "For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him?" And when a vivid, impartial and discriminating picture is presented of the inner history of a child of God, it cannot but engage the attention, and appeal to the sympathy of Christian readers. Such heart-narratives are rare. Those who might best trace them are often too busily engaged in the active and stirring scenes of life to leave memorials of this kind behind them, or such memorials as may be suitably presented to the public eye.

In reviewing Miss Allibone's Diary, the author has been surprised, as well at its copiousness, as at its clearness, variety and justness of observation. It has appeared to him eminently free from the faults to which this species of composi tion is liable, and to combine, in an unusual degree, its chief excellencies.

That a person, in her feeble state of health, should continue, for so many years, a work, demanding so much bodily and mental effort, is truly surprising. It is a remarkable monument of her diligence, perseverance and faithful dealing with herself. Sincerity pervades every line, and deep devotional feeling pours itself forth without restraint. The close inspection of her own thoughts, and words, and ways, is wonderful, and shows her constant anxiety so to walk as to please God; while her earnest, simple faith, going out of herself to rest in Christ, and her unfeigned love, longing to bless and comfort others, preserved her from any tendency to morbid self-engrossment. The aim with which she prosecuted this work is thus referred to in the commencement of one of her little memorandum-books.

"I trust that my Heavenly Father will bestow a blessing upon my heart in writing in this book, and that He will preserve me from expressing any feeling or sentiment that has not come from the very bottom of my heart. I keep a Diary for the sole purpose of spiritual benefit, that I may make a

record of my thoughts and actions, and that I may be thus enabled to review the past."

Another allusion to the subject occurs among the first entries of the year 1835.

* "I am almost discouraged from writing in this book. I have little to record but wandering thoughts and idle words, but I trust there is a great blessing in reserve for me. Oh, how much do I need a grateful sense of the means which have already been vouchsafed to me!"

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February 1st, Sunday.-This day two years since I was first admitted to the most comfortable sacrament of the body and blood of Christ, and this morning I anticipate the enjoyment of this privilege. It will be profitable to compare my present feelings with those with which I first approached the table of the Lord. I was then 'trembling and afraid;' weak in faith, but very sincere; conscious of my unworthiness, yet trusting that the all-sufficiency of my Redeemer would be yet more fully revealed to me, and that I should yet rejoice in Him who is the health of my countenance, and my God. I hoped to make rapid advances in the divine life-to press unwavering towards the mark of our high calling. I would not then have believed that, after this interval, my progress would have been so small, so inadequate to my privileges. I am still weak and wavering, inconsistent and unbelieving, yet the Lord has had mercy on me. When I cried, He answered me, and sent strength into my soul, and if I shall be permitted to go up to the sanctuary to-day, I shall not fear to approach the table of the Lord, and I trust that I shall be enabled to draw near with faith, and to take this Holy Sacrament to my comfort.'

"This day two years ago, our dear pastor preached from the text, Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended.' Very forcibly is that sermon impressed upon my mind.

"The communion was very solemn. I was not as much

affected as usual, but I felt that I was confirming my covenant with God: offering myself unto Him in a holy and acceptable sacrifice. Oh, how sinful I am, and how great is that righteousness which can and does avail for me!"

"6th. Last Tuesday I paid a visit to a woman who has been for several years a subject of excruciating suffering. For six months, her sister says, she has not been raised in bed, or turned. I was much agitated by the prospect of going to see this person, whom the doctor thinks very near eternity, as I was not acquainted with the state of her mind. I felt the responsibility of my situation. I endeavored to cast my burden upon the Lord, and asked dear E. to pray that I might be enabled to discharge my duty, whatever it might be. She appeared, however, to place her dependence upon her Saviour, and to be, as far as I could judge, prepared for eternity.

"I called next day to see her, and found her in great agony, so that she shrieked with pain. This was a good lesson for me, and I saw, by her bedside, the inefficiency of this world's consolations. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would withdraw my affections from all earthly things, and place them upon Jesus, that, by His influence, I may be prepared to do and to suffer the will of the Lord. O, may the Lord be with me, 'in all time of prosperity, in all time of tribulation, in the hour of death, and in the day of judgment.' Then, safely sheltered beneath the wing of his protection, I shall have naught to fear."

"9th. I went to read to an old black woman whom sister took me to see last week. I asked if she had ever read, or rather heard read, 'Old Sarah, the Indian woman.' She said, 'Oh, yes, that she once had the tract, and had kept it on the bed beside her during a long illness, but she had lost it.' She then referred to some parts of it with great interest. I read it to her, and a chapter of the Bible. She seemed to enjoy it as 'a feast of fat things.' She says that for forty

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THE ENQUIRER DIRECTED TO CHRIST.

[1835.

years she has endeavored to serve the Lord in her poor way, and though she has had many ups and downs, and though the billows have run high, yet they have never overwhelmed her. She can read a very little in the spelling-book, and I have promised, if it be the Lord's will, to instruct her. She says her Master will help her to learn when I am not with her. She suffers very much, lives alone, and is very poor, and yet seems very happy. This is easily accounted for,— the Lord is her portion. I trust that if I be permitted to have future intercourse with her, it will be greatly blessed to my spiritual good, and I shall regard this privilege as one token of the love of my Heavenly Father. Much do I need something to speed my progress Zionward,-not added means of grace, for I have them in abundance, but a heart to prize and profit by them. I want humility, and a spirit of selfdenial, but above all, I want love to my Saviour, and simple dependence upon His merits. Oh, may all my needs be mercifully provided for by His abundant mercy, and may God impart to me His saving and sanctifying grace, in proportion, not to my desires, but to my necessities, and His infinite love."

To a Friend.

Feb. 14, 1835.

"I was much affected by the perusal of thy letter, dear R. Thee asks me if I think that the desire to know the truth would have ever been implanted in thy heart, if it had been the intention of a merciful and wise God to keep thee in ignorance of the knowledge of His ways? Have I ever used to thee the language of discouragement? If so, may I be mercifully forgiven for having offended one of my Heavenly Father's little ones. I trust that I had much rather pass the remnant of my life in a dark and noisome dungeon, than throw a single obstacle in the path of one whose steps are turned Zionward. I do not look upon thee as an unbeliever, my dear friend. I believe that God is leading thee in the way everlasting, and that thy path will shine brighter and brighter unto the perfect day.' But it has seemed to me, that had thee a clearer view of the character and offices of our Redeemer-that it is only through our Lord Jesus