CHAPTER II.

1833.

First Religious Impressions - Discouragement - Conversion - Dr. Bedell's Ministry-Baptism - First Approach to the Lord's TableConfirmation-Love for the Episcopal Church and Liturgy-Catholic Spirit St. Andrew's, Philadelphia-Evangelical Views.

THE era of the believer's second birth of the commencement of the new, the immortal life, hid with Christ in Godwith what interest will it be invested throughout eternity! With what delighted wonder will the glorified saint review each step of the way in which the Lord led his servant, emerging from nature's darkness into marvellous light, and discover the amazing wisdom and love which directed his goings. In the experience of some of God's children, the transition is marked and sudden from death in trespasses and sins to newness of life. The conviction of sin is sharp and agonizing, and the believing view of the Lamb of God is immediately attended with such emotions of relief and joy, that the circumstances of the change are manifest, and the hour discernible. But among those familiarized, from early youth, with the truths of redemption, this is not the ordinary method of the Spirit's operation. Silently and imperceptibly, the truth, that had been known to the intellect, stirs the conscience, engages the affections, and penetrates the heart. Like the natural husbandry, there is first the blade, then the ear, then the full corn in the ear. The influx of the divine light is not like the tropical sun-rise, flooding the landscape, a little while before buried in night's obscurity, with an almost instantaneous and overpowering radiance; but like the unveiling of the same bright orb in more temperate, but not less favored regions, the dawn advances with a progress

almost imperceptible, until the perfect day gladdens the rejoicing world.

Thus it was with the eminent Christian whose deep religious experience, whose ripeness in knowledge and grace will be presented in the following pages, chiefly through the medium of her own unconscious pen. Her conversion was not one marked by sudden transitions and violent emotions. Like Lydia's, her heart was gently opened by the Spirit of truth, and the conclusion that she was herself a new creature in Christ Jesus was the result of calm reflection, and the review of a change that had been many months in progress. Comparing her present with her former self, she recognized, with tremulous hope, and joy mingled with solicitude, cheering indications that she had been the subject of divine grace, and was confirmed in her purpose of devoting herself to the Lord. Upon this point she remarks, in her own Diary (under date of February 17th, 1833):

"I am often grieved that I have not experienced deeper convictions of sin, and stronger feelings of repentance; but I desire to experience any feelings that may be profitable. I will not be discouraged on that account, especially as my religious feelings have been so very gradual. The conviction of being an object of the displeasure of God has weighed heavily upon my mind during the past year or two; and as I have recently become sensible of a more peaceful state of mind than I have ever before enjoyed, I will trust that a saving change has commenced in my heart, and that it will not be long ere more light be given me."

The religious sentiments of Miss Allibone were put to the test of protracted and distressing illness, and were intimately connected, in the minds of her friends, with the confinement and pain by which they were so beautifully illustrated; but they were not, at their commencement, the fruit of broken health, and enforced seclusion. On the contrary, she turned from the world when it lay all bright and tempting before

her, and chose the Lord for her portion before she knew the tedium and distress of the invalid's chamber. In one of her letters, commending her Saviour's love, occurs the remark, "She might suppose that suffering had driven me to this refuge; but I felt that it alone is a resting-place, before I felt the influence of disease."

Her attention seems to have been first arrested by a sermon which she heard, at the age of sixteen, on the text, "The wages of sin is death." So much was she impressed by it, that she was induced to seek the society of Christians, in the hope of obtaining that encouragement and guidance, of which she now felt the need. In this hope she was disappointed. Her thirst for religious knowledge was not satisfied, and her salutary impressions grew by degrees fainter. The remembrance of this stage in her spiritual history, and of the loss and discouragement which she sustained, by the want of Christian counsel and invitation to communicate her own feelings, exerted a decided influence upon her religious life. She dreaded lest she herself should thus quench the aspirations of any awakened soul, and especially of any youthful seeker after salvation; and hence she was ready, not only to welcome the introduction, but to anticipate the all-important subject. Her heart was overflowing with love for the souls of all around her, and out of the abundance of the heart her mouth spake constantly, affectionately, and persuasively. She formed the habit of introducing religion into all her conversations and letters, and combined fidelity and plainness with such winning gentleness and cordial sympathy, that none could be offended. The Lord God gave her the tongue of the learned, that she might speak a word in season to those that were weary.

Her desires for peace with God were again rekindled, and she found special blessing and comfort from the ministry of the Rev. Dr. Bedell, Rector of St. Andrew's Church. The labors of that devoted servant of God formed an era in the

religious history of the city in which his lot was cast. He "preached the gospel with the Holy Ghost sent down from heaven," and "by manifestation of the truth, commended himself to every conscience, in the sight of God." And among the many precious souls who will be his "joy and crown of rejoicing, in the day of the Lord Jesus," is the subject of this memoir. The faithful pastor and the docile member of his flock now hymn together the praises of Him who loved them, and washed them from their sins in his own blood.

On the 31st of January, 1833, being then in the twentieth year of her age, she received baptism at the hands of Dr. Bedell. The first entry in her Diary, bearing date February 2d, 1833, thus alludes to this solemn and interesting event:

"With a grateful heart do I make this record of my feelings. It constitutes but one among the many attempts I have made to keep a Diary. Hitherto, my feelings have been so complicated, and often so inexplicable, that their retrospect has afforded me little gratification. I trust their nature is now changed, and that the same grace which has thus far influenced my heart will bring it into a state of complete subjection, so that I may henceforth daily rejoice in the mercy of my Heavenly Father, and become more and more opposed to aught that is repugnant to His will.

"I have made a solemn vow to devote my heart and life to His service, and was induced to do so by a conviction that strength would be given me for its fulfilment. I trust that the feelings of solemnity induced by a sense of the important step I have taken, may be ever vividly.traced on my memory." In her Diary, January 31st, 1834, she remarks: "This day, a year ago, my dear

and I were baptized. I entered into such solemn obligations, trusting in the strength of my Saviour, and truly can I say, 'Hitherto hath the Lord helped me.'"

It was, indeed, a sincere, unreserved surrender that she

made of herself to the Lord, in his appointed ordinance; and the covenant into which she then publicly entered was, in all things, "well ordered and sure." None who knew her can doubt that she "witnessed a good confession," and how well she fulfilled her solemn promise and vow, to "fight manfully under Christ's banner, and continue his faithful soldier and servant, unto her life's end," all could testify. She led, indeed, "the rest of her life according to that beginning.' The duty of a public profession of their faith, by all who are intent on the kingdom of heaven, and who indulge a hope of salvation, was to her mind perfectly evident.

Her correspondence will show how faithfully she urged this obligation upon those whom she counselled. The step which she herself took from conscience towards God, and from the desire to render full obedience to her Saviour's commands, and which she was fully convinced had brought her rich spiritual blessings, she earnestly commended to all who were seeking the way of life. And representations of the binding and sacred character of this duty, and of the benefits that would flow from its right performance, came with much power and effect from one so spiritually-minded. That there is no necessary connection between divinely-appointed forms and formality, and that the way of obedience is the way of peace and holiness, was made evident by her own example. Miss Allibone's early associations, it may be here remarked, were, to a considerable extent, with the Society of Friends. She numbered many endeared intimates and family connections among that people, and in her letters and conversation was accustomed frequently to use their characteristic language.

The next entry in her Diary, which, from this time, was kept up, for-some years, with little interruption, records her feelings of anxiety in reference to her first approach to the Lord's table:

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'February 4th.—I was not aware until Saturday afternoon that I was expected to take the Sacrament the next day. I