Page images
PDF
EPUB

and how different from the greetings we had always received! Not even at first did I so fully realize the loss we have sustained. I felt that to faint would be a relief, and I did almost, if not quite, lose my recollection. I perhaps might have prayed more that I might not be so overwhelmed, but there was not one feeling of murmuring.

"Had, during a few days, much intercourse with Mr. H. He said to me, one day, when speaking of the probability of his death, I candidly repent of every sin I have ever committed. My only trust is in the blood of Christ. I lie at the foot of the Cross.' He has since departed in the triumph of faith.

"To-morrow will be our Communion Sunday. I trust that my heart will be prepared for this blessed ordinance, whether or not I be permitted to partake of it.

"Oct. 20th.-Have been unable to go to church to-day, but have received more spiritual strength than usual. Have had dear little H. with me much of the day, and have tried to lead her to Jesus. Great is my responsibility towards these dear children. The office of a sponsor is no light charge, and for it I must give account. How many are my sins of omission!

'The blood of Christ, that crimson sea,

Shall wash my load of sin away.'

Oh, how sorrowful I feel! Would not my heart have broken, had I received no sustaining grace!

"Oct. 29th.-I cannot often write in my Diary, as it gives me much pain to do so. Increasing reason have I to be reminded of my mortality, and I fear I have sometimes offended my Heavenly Father by a more earnest desire to depart, than is consistent with perfect submission to His will. Still, He knows that in my heart I desire that His will may be done in all things, and it is my prayer that the way by which He is leading me may not seem long. Many, many blessings

are given me, and I do hope that a new song will be put into my mouth, even praise to our God. I am afraid I am too sorrowful. I feel so lonely without my dear mother, and yet I always find comfort in prayer.

“I have said nothing about the last Communion season. I felt a resting of the soul upon God, but when I remembered that I could not, as I had been accustomed, pray for my dear mother, as I knelt at the chancel, my heart was faint within me. I remembered that I must soon praise God for His mercy to her, for while we were commemorating the dying love of Jesus upon earth, it was her privilege to sit at the marriage supper of the Lamb. Oh, my mother, my mother! my heart yearns for thee, yet I rejoice that thou art in Heaven; and this, only the love of Christ could enable me to say.

"We had a very sweet visit from dear Friend Gurney, on Sunday week. He seemed to sympathize deeply with us. He told me he believed that He who had begun a good work in my heart would carry it on; and I believe He will, for Christ's sake. I do love and trust my Saviour, and He will never forsake me.

I do

"Next Sunday will be another Communion season. not know whether I shall be able to go to church, but I hope my heart will be prepared for this blessed ordinance, which I have found the most useful means of grace which has been

Vouchsafed me.

[blocks in formation]

CHAPTER XII.

1840-1842.

Effect of the shock upon Miss Allibone's Health-Spiritual Peace her sole Support Prostration - Intermission of Writing— Dr. Clark's Letters The Easter of the Universe - Comment on Jude xxiv. — Intimacy with Miss L. V. Byrd - Letters to Miss B.- Counsels to the Desponding Communions in private - Removal to Hamiltonville Cottage Home- Efforts to do good - Excursions to the Woodlands -Classes for Instruction First Letter to Rev. R. Smith.

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

IT could not be otherwise than that the overwhelming shock, which had come so suddenly upon Miss Allibone, should seriously affect her health. It is wonderful, indeed, that she survived it. So frail and delicate, her nervous system so acutely sensitive, it would have seemed inevitable that she would sink under the stroke which severed the bonds of earthly communion with her fondly-loved parent. The daughter expected soon to lay her aching head beside her mother's, and friends scarcely looked for her to remain long behind. Under God, it may be supposed that her holy resignation to her Father's will exerted a soothing influence, which alleviated the physical effects of the shock which she had sustained. The balm in Gilead may have proved medicine to the body, as well as to the stricken soul. It was obvious, indeed, for many years of her languishing life, that her religious peace. and animating hopes were the true support of the debilitated frame, and that, bodily as well as spiritually, "the joy of the Lord was her strength." But while wonderfully supported through this fiery trial, her frail earthly tenement quivered and trembled, as if ready to be dissolved.

When the new excitement of her grief subsided, her strength was utterly prostrated, and the struggle was doubt

ful and protracted between life and death. For more than a year she lay passive in the hands of her Almighty Guardian, calmly awaiting, in the confidence of faith, His sovereign will. She was obliged to desist, during this period, from those exertions to benefit others which constituted, at other times, so much of her occupation and enjoyment. The feeble hand could no longer guide the pen, that was wont to do so much for the comfort and instruction of the absent, her correspondence was almost suspended, and her Diary for nearly two years is a blank. From this prostration she surprisingly recovered, so as to be able to resume her epistolary converse with her friends, and to impart oral teachings in her own room, to the profit and blessing of the young and ignorant. But she never regained the ability to walk or to travel. The visit to Temora, soon after her mother's death, was her last journey, and much as she had enjoyed these visits, she resigned them without a word of regret or complaint.

"Jan. 2d.-Again I open my Diary, after an interval of more than nine weeks. Unexpected, indeed, has been the continuance of my life until this time, for I have been on the very confines of

"April 24th.-Still I am in this lower world,-still experiencing the sustaining, the consoling grace of my Heavenly Father, and receiving proofs of affection from my beloved friends. Every day do my precious sisters and brothers become more dear. Unvarying is their kindness, and I could be only willing to leave them for my heavenly home, for the Saviour's presence, and for a reunion with my blessed mother. I ought not to write, for I have little strength; I should not, otherwise, neglect my Diary: but I would record the love of God, the Saviour's all-sufficiency, the Spirit's aid, and my own unworthiness. Still is the language of my heart,

'A guilty, weak, and helpless worm,

On Thy kind arm I fall;
Jesus, my strength and righteousness,
My Saviour and my all.'

Be with me, dear Saviour, in my time of need, and then permit me, in Heaven, to praise Thy redeeming love!"

Extract from a letter of Rev. J. A. Clark to Miss Allibone. "April 23d, 1840.

"Though somewhat fatigued by our journey, we had one of the loveliest views of regenerated nature rising from the tomb of winter that I ever enjoyed. The foliage on the trees was just beginning to put forth, and a robe of dark verdure to be spread over every ñeld. The sky was cloudless, the sun most brilliant, the air balmy and invigorating; a flood of splendor seemed poured over universal nature; while the birds, on every hedge and spray, were tuning their shrill pipes, and saying to the devout ear, 'Praise ye the Lord.' It was an animating scene, and one calculated to refresh the mind and wake up gladness in the heart. I could not but think how delightful would be that great Easter of the universe, when 'all that are in the graves shall hear the voice of Jesus and come forth;' when the new heavens' and the 'new earth' shall be raised up from the tomb and the ashes of this dissolved world; and we shall walk amid celestial beauty, immortal freshness, and the sweet echoing voices of angels, and be for ever present with the Lord; - behold Jesus in all His loveliness—admire Him in His glory, and be changed into the same image..

"These are meditations that occupy much of your time; and you feel a longing desire to enter in, and behold the unclouded vision of Immanuel. Though your removal would wither one of the green spots on earth, upon which I love to linger, still I would not, were it in my power, delay for a single moment the approaching wheels of Messiah's chariot, which is to conduct you to the city of the Great King, and to the presence of the Lamb.

"I know that it is alone by grace that you are what you are; you have nothing whereof to boast-you have nothing wherein to glory; but you have a great deal for which to praise the Lord: the removal, through the blood of Christ, of all your sins; your acceptance in the Beloved; a blessed hope which entereth within the veil; a peace which passeth all understanding; the spirit of adoption whereby you can cry, 'Abba, Father;' the Spirit bearing witness with your spirit. that you are a child of God; entire resignation to the will of God; a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better; an assured hope of blessedness at God's right hand; these are the precious gifts of God, for which you cannot praise him enough."

« PreviousContinue »