CHAPTER III.

1833.

Ill health-Fortitude and Submission-Letters to Suffering FriendsEfforts to do Good - Enjoyment of the Beauties of Nature - Temora Dr. Bedell's Illness - Birth-day Reflections.

THE greater part of Miss Allibone's life was passed in the chamber of sickness, and upon the bed of pain. Physical suffering, and that of no common severity, was her lot. A torturing malady caused her sleepless nights and wearisome days, cut her off from the enjoyments of active life, and made her a prisoner and an invalid. To those upon whom life's bright morn is opening, such a visitation is peculiarly trying; and to one endued with a disposition so lively and energetic, the privations of sickness would have seemed, we might fancy, almost insupportable. A few weeks or months of such debility and agony as were her frequent portion, would have exhausted the patience of many a sufferer. In her case it was not for months, but for year after year, that the heavy hand of disease lay upon her. In her twentieth year she began to suffer from a spinal affection, and the year that followed was one of extreme physical anguish.

In January, 1834, after a consultation of physicians, she was advised to confine herself to her chamber, and was induced to submit to very painful remedies. Her Diary and letters will show the submissiveness of her spirit to a dispensation so trying. But others than herself could best appreciate her surprising fortitude and unmurmuring cheerfulness. To say that she was wholly resigned to her Father's will would convey but a faint idea of the reality. There was a lively satisfaction with the dealings of her Almighty Friend, a calm confidence in his love, a chastened joy, an unbroken

serenity that, to be appreciated, must have been witnessed. She was one who "rejoiced in tribulation." She not only bowed to the rod, but kissed it. She exemplified, beautifully and strikingly, one of her favorite texts, "Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, unto all patience and long-suffering, with joyfulness." The sunshine of her soul was constantly beaming from her bright and peaceful countenance, and lighting up her apartment with its hallowed. radiance. With her sick-room there were no associations of gloom and sadness. No murmur of fretfulness or repining was ever heard there, no expression of impatience or discontent escaped her lips. Even to the youthful and the gay, it was an attractive spot, redolent of affectionate words, bright looks and delightful intercourse. Her apartment, as was said of the Rev. E. Bickersteth's during his illness, was "a chamber of light, and love, and peace, and praise." Those who are familiar with prolonged illness-who know the tendency of continued and excessive suffering to depress the spirit, and sadden the countenance-who know how the invalid becomes morbidly engrossed with his own ailments, and comparatively indifferent to all beside, cannot but admire the effects of divine grace in her uniform patience, cheerfulness, sympathy with others, and forgetfulness of self. One of the first allusions to her ill-health, in her Diary, is dated

"May 10th, 1833.-I have been unable to write. I am well convinced that it is good for me to be afflicted, and I do not even desire to suffer less, if I am thereby enabled to grow in grace. 'Sweet are the uses of adversity.' Last Sunday was communion-day, and I could not go to church. I was very, very much disappointed, but felt very thankful that I had not to go out of my chamber to obtain a blessing."

June 11th.-Have not felt well all day, and now feel almost bowed down under my often infirmities; head feels strangely; pain along my spine, breast and side, and feel quite sick. I want to see my mother-I am sick at heart

I want somebody to pet me. How much better would it be for me to look to my Heavenly Father for strength to endure patiently the suffering with which He sees good to afflict me. I trust that, at the last day, I may be found among those of whom it is said, 'And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain, for the former things are passed away.'

"Through the grace of my Heavenly Father, I have been enabled to bless Him for my sufferings, because I know they conduce to my spiritual welfare. I have often, and I think I may say generally, enjoyed more peace of mind when confined by sickness, than when in comparative health, for I have not been quite well for a long time. It seems to me that I feel, every day, an increasing affection for the people of God, and I am sometimes disposed to be encouraged by this. We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren.' It is a peculiar sentiment, such as others have never had the power to excite. I feel myself so inferior to those who are truly pious, and yet so desirous to be like them. Oh! I am but a beginner in the Christian race very child; yet if I only believe, I know that no good thing shall be wanting. How much cause have I to lament my unbelief! Truly it may be said of me, 'O thou of little faith.' My hourly prayer is, 'Lord, increase my faith.""

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"August 22d.-I have not been able to scribble even a few lines, for a long time, and am scarcely able to write now. During the greater part of the last two weeks I have been confined to my bed, and am still a prisoner, with no prospect of immediate release, as for several weeks, I expect, the doctor will continue his applications. This prospect would seem dreary, especially as I am thereby deprived of my long anticipated visit to Bucks County; but I am very thankful that I have been enabled to say in my heart, 'It is good for me that I have been afflicted.' I have felt cheerful and happy;

and with humility would add that I trust I have been enabled to grow in grace, and in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. I have sought, and can truly say I have found ' grace to help in time of need.' I love to pray, better than before, and can often feel that my prayers are heard. I feel as though the truths contained in Scripture were more deeply impressed upon my mind; and the atonement of my Saviour is clear to my view as the knowledge of my existence, though I never in my life have doubted it for a single moment. I do also trust that I have been enabled to accept Him as my Saviour, and believe that my love for Him, and my faith in Him, will be increased. It is the earnest and almost continual prayer of my heart that it may be so.

"How much I need! How strange it is that I can ever forget that the eye of God is on us all the day, or should ever, for a moment, suffer myself to love the world, and the things of the world, so well as I sometimes do. How inconsistent, how unworthy I am! yet now that I confess it, I do not feel it as I ought.

'When I turn mine eyes within,
Oh how dark, and vain, and wild,
Prone to unbelief and sin,

Can I deem myself thy child?'

"Yes, my Heavenly Father, I feel that I am-that thou art drawing me nearer and nearer to thyself, and that I shall yet rejoice in Him who is the help of my countenance, and my God. Oh, take away those lurking clouds of unbelieftake away this mournful proneness to sin!

"The dearest idol I have known,

Whate'er that idol be,

Help me to tear it from Thy throne,
And worship only Thee,'

is the sincere prayer of my heart, and surely it will be answered."

To a friend she writes:

"It would grieve me much to learn that thy ailments have increased, were I not well persuaded, from continued experience, that every trial composes part of the process employed by our Heavenly Father for the purification of our hearts; and while we are mercifully enabled to realize this truth, we shall learn to 'glory in tribulation,' knowing that its end will be the love of God shed abroad in the heart,' its reward an eternal weight of glory.' I am most grateful that to us has been granted a desire to exercise unqualified submission to the will of God; and I feel assured that while he will spare us no trial needful for our good, we shall always be enabled to realize that his strength will be made perfect in our weakness."

To another she writes:

"I was surprised to hear of thy sickness, I was about to say sorry, but I am not, for I trust thee will find that it has been blessed to thee. One hour of severe pain is enough to convince us of the insufficiency of the world and its vanities to cheer and sustain us; and our Heavenly Father is so merciful as to send us frequent lessons of the kind, to wean us from all other dependence, and to teach us to rely upon Him alone. Thee seemed so sad when thee was in town. If thee judges me worthy of thy confidence, write to me, and tell me the reason; I can at least pray for thee. I am sorry thee cannot overcome thy reluctance to converse on the subject which so much occupies thy thoughts. I know, from experience, that this is a great obstacle to our growth in grace. Oh, what a blessed thing it is that we have a Counsellor on high, who understands the language of a sighthe falling of a tear, the upward glancing of an eye,' where no eye rests upon us but His own; that when we know not what to pray for as we ought, the Holy Spirit maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.'"

Counsels of submissiveness, from the pen of Susan Allibone, were clothed with power. Her friends saw in her the living example of what she urged; and while they marvelled at the grace given her patiently to endure the afflictive will of God, they could not but lay to heart her affectionate persuasives to resignation and acquiescence under their own trials.