that I shall be filled. Not that I am any thing, or can do any thing, but because Christ died for all, and God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should have everlasting life. Do not let us despond, then; but if we feel that we have not attained what we wish, say with David, 'Why art thou cast down, oh my soul, and why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise Him who is the help of my countenance and my God.' I think one of our besetting sins is ingratitude. We think it right to mourn that we are not what we ought to be, and so it is; but we forget what has been done for us. It ought to be the ever-dwelling sentiment in our hearts, 'Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all His benefits.' While we remember to pray, we ought not to forget to praise.

"I wonder if thee has ever read Legh Richmond's life. I think I derived from it more pleasure, and I trust more profit, than from any biography I ever read."

To Miss E. N.

Philadelphia, May 10th, 1833. "Thee is not mistaken in supposing that I do not entirely approve of a trifling style of writing, and my conscience often reproaches me not only on this score, but for a multitude of idle words and unprofitable imaginations that are ever ready to intrude upon my mind. Thee asks me to write for thy benefit. Would that I were more competent to advise! My own example and deficiency always occur to me, when I would advise others; but still, in spite of my infirmities, my mind is so deeply impressed with a sense of the importance of religion, and of the necessity of immediate attention to its interests, that I would not neglect an opportunity of urging it upon those I love. What strange infatuation it is, that our energies should be dormant, and that we can sleep in the midst of danger! Could we be calm in the battle-field? And should we not be more alive to danger when we are exposed not only to foreign attacks, but when civil wars are waging around us? Could we obtain a perfect view of 'that fearful sight, a naked human heart,' with what alarm and dismay would we make the dread survey! I feel more entirely convinced, every day of my life, that the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked;' and it is when the grace of our Heavenly Father has implanted in our hearts a sense of our infirmity that nature or reason can never give, that we learn in some degree to appreciate the beauty of holiness. Thee says, dear E., that thee is

sensible of the most entire indifference in regard to thy most important interests. I believe that thee has had very serious impressions, and why is it that they do not produce a permanent effect? It is the strange perversity of human nature.

"I was reasoning once with Miss L., on the depravity of the heart, and she thought to confute me at once by asking me if I thought I would be condemned if I were to die; that I had done no harm, and that God would not certainly be so unjust as to consign me to eternal punishment. I told her that if I were to die that night, I knew that I could not go to Heaven. She said that if she believed herself in such a situation, she could not possibly rest or sleep. Her remark produced a very powerful impression, commonplace as it was. Dear E., do not waste thy time in speculation and murmuring that thee is no better; thee cannot amend thy own heart. I will extract a passage from an interesting book I borrowed a few weeks since, and that I mean to lend to thee:

He

"I cannot doubt that the inquirer may be, in a certain sense, truly sincere, while he hangs back in expectation of a kind of mental discipline, a routine which he does not understand, but which he has been taught to anticipate; and hence his common reply to the repeated solicitations of the Gospel is, "I am not prepared." But he has conceived wrong notions of the scheme of redemption. has adopted some ideas which obscure its light, or embarrass its simplicity with perplexities which ought to have no connexion with it. How strange a position of affairs is this which is supposed to be his! The inquirer is waiting for the Redeemer, and the Redeemer waiting for him! How inconsistent with the design of the Bible! How derogatory to the character of the Saviour.'

"Again: "That the awakened sinner is not to remain idle is very certain. He is to renounce every habit or practice which he knows to be guilty. He is to weigh his actions by the standard of God's holy law. He is to look carefully into his disposition and temper, and to turn from the snares to which they expose him. He is to abandon all that is at enmity with the will of his Maker. But the whole of this is contemporaneous with his approach to Christ; it is part of the very act of "arising to go to his Father.”

Alas! how slowly we receive the blessed truth that salvation is free ! Oh, why should not the truth be received as it is? The physician of Gilead is not only able, but ready to administer a cure to all who sincerely apply to him. And can it be necessary that they should be better, when they approach him, if he can heal them as they are.'’

"Jan. 1, 1834. — Another year is gone and past. The lapse of time has never before so forcibly arrested my attention. The moment that is lost, is lost forever; and how many have passed unimproved, my Heavenly Father only knows. It is to his mercy alone that I can look for forgiveness. Why is it that my heart is so ungrateful for the mercies of the year that is past? How innumerable they are! This year has been the most important of my life. I trust that I can include among these blessings, the chiefest of all, a renewed heart. Surely its impulses and desires are changed. Its affections are transferred from earth to heaven, and it enjoys a degree of peace to which it has always before been a stranger, the peace of God which passeth all understanding.' And yet there is much in this heart of mine that cannot even endure the test of self-examination, and still less, a comparison with the standards the Scripture gives us; yet I know that this good work which God, in his infinite mercy, has begun and continued in me, will not be suffered to remain unfinished. I know that it is my Father's good pleasure to give me the kingdom; and I have commenced this year with an humble prayer, that I may have grace to go on from strength to strength; that every false refuge may be taken from me, whatever it may cost. 'What I know not, teach Thou me,' is the sincere prayer of my heart, and I feel an entire conviction that if there is now anything wrong in my heart-anything that keeps me from the enjoyment of perfect peace-as I doubt not there is, God, in His infinite mercy, will teach me this. And I believe this, not because I am not unworthy, ungrateful, ever erring, but because God has promised, Whosoever will, let him take of the water of life freely,' 'Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find.'"

CHAPTER V.

1834.

Increased Illness-Apprehended Nearness of Death - Impressions of a Work to be done - Eleven weeks' Confinement.

IN the commencement of the year 1834, the trying malady which was to be Miss Allibone's life-companion, increased in its severity, and confined her for many weeks to her apartment. This affliction was doubtless intended, by Him who led her as a Shepherd, to promote her sanctification, to perfect all that was lacking in her faith, and to prepare her for that eminent holiness and usefulness, by which she should glorify God. How meekly, lovingly, carnestly, she responded to the gracious design, will appear from her Diary, meant for no eye but God's, and from her letters, intended only for the eye of friendship. It is a privilege to draw aside the veil that concealed the secrets of this hallowed chamber, and to show how the love and presence of the Lord can sustain his children when ready to faint; how, in the multitude of their pains and sorrows, his comforts can refresh their souls. Let the repining and discontented, if any such review these pages, learn from her example of suffering patience, the loving-kindness of the Lord, and blame their own unbelief and rebellion. To many, Susan Allibone, prostrated in the bloom of youth by incurable disease; enduring, in her seclusion from the world, the extremest agony, was doubtless an object of much commiseration. But no shadows brooded over her tranquil spirit, and her peace flowed as a river.

66

Diary, Jan. 24th, 1834. The first day of my confinement to my room, and passed in a very pleasant manner, I besought the blessing of my Heavenly Father upon

too.

my tarriance here. I have asked Him to sanctify every trial I may be called to endure; to give me patience under my sufferings, and a happy issue out of all my afflictions. I do not doubt that my prayers will be more than answered, through the mercy of my Redeemer, and though I be deprived of many privileges, my soul will still be refreshed with heavenly showers. I read a little in my French Testament; have had several visitors, and no solitude; but have had ample opportunity for the performance of my duties. I am sorry they have been attended to with such inadequate interest."

"25th. This day I feel so happy. I wonder that I am so ungrateful for the blessings I have received. My very soul ought to warm within me, but I am often very insensible to the goodness of my Heavenly Father. Oh! wilt Thou not create in me a new heart, and renew a right spirit within me? Make my heart to overflow with love divine, all other love excelling. Give me grace to bless Thee for comfort and for suffering, for sorrow and for joy. Oh! inspire my heart with resignation to Thy will. Let not one murmuring thought escape my heart or lips. Let me rather, oh, my Father, bless Thee that Thou hast deprived me of health, for it is, in truth, one of the greatest blessings Thou hast ever bestowed upon me."

"Sunday, 26th.-How pleasantly has this morning passed, part of it in retirement! I trust that my spiritual interests may not be injured by my necessary deprivation of public ordinances. I pray that they may not."

"Jan. 31st, 1834. This has been a year of almost uninterrupted bodily suffering, yet, truly, I can say it has been the happiest of my life. I have been mercifully enabled to endure my afflictions as coming from the hand of a kind Heavenly Father, and to regard them as blessings. Oh, I hope I have more dependence on the mercy of God than ever before. I have found Him a very present help in time of trouble. I am not afraid to trust Him for all to come.