CHAPTER X.

His exercise for the good of the people in the West Indies-communicates to Friends his resignation to visit some of these islands-The state of his mind, and the close considerations he was led into while under this exercise-preparations to embark, and considerations on the trade to these islands; released from the concern he had been under-religious engagements after his return home-His sickness, in which he was brought to a very low state; and the prospects he then had.

THE 12th day of the third month, 1770, having for some years past, dieted myself on account of a lump gathering on my nose, I grew weak in body, and not of ability to travel by land as heretofore. I was at times favoured to look with awfulness toward the Lord, before whom are all my ways, who alone hath the power of life and death; and to feel thankfulness raised in me, for this his fatherly chastisement, believing if I was truly humbled under it, all would work for good. While I was under this bodily weakness, my mind being at times exercised for my fellow-creatures in the West Indies, I grew jealous over myself, lest the disagreeableness of the prospect should hinder me from obediently attending thereto for though I knew not that the Lord required me to go there, yet I believed that resignation was now called for in that respect. Feeling a danger of not being wholly devoted to him, I was frequently engaged to watch unto prayer, that I might be preserved; and upwards of a year having passed, as I walked one day in a solitary wood, my mind being covered with awfulness, cries were raised in me to my merciful Father, that he would graciously keep me in faithfulness; and it then settled

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on my mind as a duty, to open my condition to Friends at our Monthly Meeting; which I did soon after, as follows:

"An exercise hath attended me for some time past, and of late been more weighty upon me, under which, I believe it is required of me to be resigned to go on a visit to some part of the West Indies." In the Quarterly and General Spring Meeting, I found no clearness to express any thing further, than that I believed resignation herein was required of me; and having obtained certificates from all the said meetings, I felt like a sojourner at my outward habitation, kept free from worldly incumbrances, and was often bowed in spirit before the Lord, with inward breathings to him, that I might be rightly directed. I may here note, that what I have before related of my being when young, joined as an executor with another Friend, in executing a will, our having sold a negro lad till he might attain the age of thirty years, was now the occasion of great sorrow to me. After having settled matters relating to this youth, I provided sea-stores, a bed, and other things for the voyage; and hearing of a vessel likely to sail from Philadelphia for Barbadoes, I spoke with one of the owners at Burlington, and soon after went to Philadelphia on purpose to speak with him again. He told me there was a Friend in town who was part owner of the said vessel; but I felt no inclination to speak with him, but returned home. A while after, I took leave of my family, and going to Philadelphia, had some weighty conversation with the first-mentioned owner, and showed him a writing, as follows:

"On the 24th day of the eleventh month, 1769. As an exercise, with respect to a visit to Barbadoes, hath

been weighty on my mind, I may express some of the trials which have attended me, under which, I have at times rejoiced that I have felt my own self-will subjected.

"Some years ago, I retailed rum, sugar and molasses, the fruits of the labour of slaves; but then had not much concern about them, save only that the rum might be used in moderation; nor was this concern so weightily attended to, as I now believe it ought to have been. But of late years being further informed respecting the oppressions too generally exercised in these islands, and thinking often on the degrees there are in the connexions of interest and fellowship with the works of darkness, Ephe. v, 11; and feeling an increasing concern to be wholly given up to the leadings of the Holy Spirit, it hath appeared to me, that the small gain I got by this branch of trade, should be applied in promoting righteousness on the earth; and was the first motion toward a visit to Barbadoes. I believed the outward substance I possess should be applied in paying my passage, if I go, and providing things in a lowly way for my subsistence; but when the time drew near, in which I believed it required of me to be in readiness, a difficulty arose, which hath been a continued trial for some months past; under which, I have with abasement of mind, from day to day, sought the Lord for instruction; and often had a feeling of the condition of one formerly, who bewailed himself, for that the Lord hid his face from him. During these exercises, my heart hath been often contrite; and I have had a tender feeling of the temptations of my fellowcreatures, labouring under those expensive customs distinguishable from the simplicity that there is in Christ, 2 Cor. ii, 3, and sometimes in the renewings of Gospel love, I have been helped to minister to others.

“That which hath so closely engaged my mind in seeking to the Lord for instruction is, whether after so full information of the oppression which the slaves who raise the West India produce lie under, as I had in reading a caution and warning to Great Britain and her colonies, written by Anthony Benezet, it is right for me to take a passage in a vessel employed in the West India trade.

"To trade freely with oppressors, and without labouring to dissuade from their unkind treatment, seek for gain by such traffic, tends, I believe, to make them more easy respecting their conduct, than they would be, if the cause of universal righteousness was humbly and firmly attended to, by those with whom they have commerce. That complaint of the Lord by his prophet, "They have strengthened the hands of the wicked," hath very often revived in my mind; and I may here add some circumstances preceding any prospect of a visit there. The case of David hath often been before me of late years: he longed for some water in a well beyond an army of Philistines, at war with Israel; and some of his men to please him, ventured their lives in passing through this army, and brought that water.

"It doth not appear that the Israelites were then scarce of water, but rather, that David gave way to delicacy of taste; but having thought on the danger these men were exposed to, he considered this water as their blood, and his heart smote him that he could not drink it, but poured it out to the Lord. The oppression of the slaves which I have seen in several journeys southward, on this continent, and the report of their treatment in the West Indies hath deeply affected me; and a care to live in the spirit of peace, and minister just cause of offence to none

of my fellow-creatures, hath, from time to time, livingly revived on my mind; and under this exercise, I have for some years past, declined to gratify my palate with those sugars.

"I do not censure my brethren in these things; but believe the Father of mercies, to whom all mankind by creation are equally related, hath heard the groans of these oppressed people; and is preparing soon to have a tender feeling of their condition: and the trading in, or frequent use of any produce known to be raised by the labours of those who are under such lamentable oppres sion, hath appeared to be a subject which may yet require the more serious consideration of the humble followers of Christ, the prince of peace.

"After long and mournful exercise, I am now free to mention how things have opened in my mind, with desires that if it may please the Lord, further to open his will to any of his children in this matter, they may faithfully follow him in such further manifestation.

"The number of those who decline the use of the West India produce, on account of the hard usage of the slaves who raise it, appears small, even amongst people truly pious; and the labours in Christian love on that subject, of those who do, are not very extensive.

"Were the trade from this continent to the West Indies to be quite stopped at once, I believe many there would suffer for want of bread.

"Did we on this continent, and the inhabitants of the West Indies, generally dwell in pure righteousness, I believe a small trade between us might be right. Under these considerations, when the thoughts of wholly declining the use of trading vessels, and of trying to hire a vessel to go in ballast have arisen in my mind, I have