In a while, I resolved totally to leave off some of my vanities; but there was a secret reserve in my heart, of the more refined part of them, and I was not low enough to find true peace. Thus, for some months, I had great troubles, there remaining in me an unsubjected will, which rendered my labours fruitless, till at length, through the merciful continuance of heavenly visitations, I was made to bow down in spirit before the Lord. I remember one evening I had spent some time in reading a pious author; and walking out alone, I humbly prayed to the Lord for his help, that I might be delivered from all those vanities which so ensnared me. Thus, being brought low, he helped me; and as I learned to bear the cross, I felt refreshment to come from his presence; but not keeping in that strength which gave victory, I lost ground again; the sense of which greatly affected me; and I sought deserts and lonely places, and there with tears did confess my sins to God, and humbly craved help of him. I may say with reverence, he was near to me in my troubles, and in those times of humiliation opened my ear to discipline. I was now led to look seriously at the means by which I was drawn from the pure truth, and learned this, that if I would live in the life which the faithful servants of God lived in, I must not go into company as heretofore, in my own will; but all the cravings of sense must be governed by a Divine principle. In times of sorrow and abasement, these instructions were sealed upon me, and I felt the power of Christ prevail over selfish desires, so that I was preserved in a good degree of steadiness; and being young, and believing, at that time, that a single life was best for me, I was strengthened to keep from such company as had often been a snare to me.

I kept steadily to meetings; spent first-day afternoon chiefly in reading the Scriptures, and other good books; and was early convinced in my mind, that true religion consisted in an inward life, wherein the heart doth love and reverence God the Creator, and learns to exercise true justice and goodness, not only toward all men, but also toward the brute creatures. That as the mind is moved by an inward principle, to love God as an invisible, incomprehensible Being; by the same principle it is moved to love him in all his manifestations in the visible world. That, as by his breath the flame of life was kindled in all sensible creatures, to say we love God as unseen, and, at the same time, exercise cruelty toward the least creature moving by his life, or by life derived from him, is a contradiction in itself.

I found no narrowness respecting sects and opinions ; but believed, that sincere, upright-hearted people, in every society, who truly love God, were accepted of him.

As I lived under the cross, and simply followed the openings of Truth, my mind, from day to day, was more enlightened; my former acquaintance were left to judge of me as they would, for I found it safest for me to live in private, and to keep these things sealed up in my own breast. While I silently ponder on that change wrought in me, I find no language equal to [describe] it, nor any means to convey to another a clear idea of it. I looked upon the works of God in this visible creation, and an awfulness covered me; my heart was tender, and often contrite, and universal love to my fellow-creatures increased in me this will be understood by such who have trodden in the same path.

Some glances of real beauty may be seen in their faces who dwell in true meekness. There is a harmony in the

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sound of that voice to which Divine love gives utterance, and some appearance of right order in their temper and conduct, whose passions are regulated; yet all these do not fully show forth that inward life to such who have not felt it but this white stone and new name are known rightly to such only who have them.

Though I had been thus strengthened to bear the cross, I still found myself in great danger, having many weaknesses attending me, and strong temptations to wrestle with; in the feeling whereof I frequently withdrew into private places, and often with tears besought the Lord to help me, whose gracious ear was open to my cry.

All this time I lived with my parents, and wrought on the plantation; and having had schooling pretty well for a planter, I used to improve it in winter evenings, and other leisure times; and being now in the twenty-first year of my age, a man, in much business at shop-keeping and baking, asked me if I would hire with him to tend shop and keep books. I acquainted my father with the proposal; and, after some deliberation, it was agreed for me to go.

At home I had lived retired; and now having a prospect of being much in the way of company, I felt frequent and fervent cries in my heart to God, the Father of mercies, that he would preserve me from all taint and corruption; that, in this more public employment, I might serve Him, my gracious Redeemer, in that humility and self-denial, with which I had been, in a small degree, exercised in a more private life. The man who employed me, furnished a shop in Mount Holly, about five miles from my father's house, and six from his own; and there I lived alone, and tended his shop. Shortly

after my settlement here, I was visited by several young people, my former acquaintance, who knew not but vanities would be as agreeable to me now as ever; and, at these times, I cried to the Lord in secret for wisdom and strength; for I felt myself encompassed with difficulties, and had fresh occasion to bewail the follies of time past, in contracting a familiarity with libertine people: and as I had now left my father's house outwardly, I found my heavenly Father to be merciful to me beyond what I can express.

By day I was much amongst people, and had many trials to go through; but in the evenings, I was mostly alone, and may with thankfulness acknowledge that, in those times, the spirit of supplication was often poured upon me; under which I was frequently exercised, and felt my strength renewed.

In a few months after I came here, my master bought several Scotchmen as servants, from on board a vessel, and brought them to Mount Holly to sell; one of whom was taken sick, and died.

In the latter part of his sickness, he, being delirious, used to curse and swear most sorrowfully; and the next night after his burial, I was left to sleep alone in the same chamber where he died. I perceived in me a timorousness; I knew, however, that I had not injured the man, but assisted in taking care of him according to my capacity; and was not free to ask any one, on that occasion, to sleep with me: nature was feeble; but every trial was a fresh incitement to give myself up wholly to the service of God, for I found no helper like him in times of trouble.

After a while, my former acquaintance gave over expecting me as one of their company; and I began to be

known to some whose conversation was helpful to me. As I had experienced the love of God, through Jesus Christ, to redeem me from many pollutions, and to be a succour to me through a sea of conflicts, with which no person was fully acquainted, and as my heart was often enlarged in this heavenly principle, I felt a tender compassion for the youth, who remained entangled in snares like those which had entangled me from one time to another; this love and tenderness increased; and my mind was more strongly engaged for the good of my fellowcreatures. I went to meetings in an awful frame of mind, and endeavoured to be inwardly acquainted with the language of the true Shepherd; and one day, being under a strong exercise of spirit, I stood up, and said some words in a meeting; but not keeping close to the Divine opening, I said more than was required of me; and being soon sensible of my error, I was afflicted in mind some weeks, without any light or comfort, even to such a degree that I could not take satisfaction in any thing. I remembered God, and was troubled; and, in the depth of my distress, he had pity upon me, and sent the Comforter. I then felt forgiveness for my offence, and my mind became calm and quiet, being truly thankful to my gracious Redeemer for his mercies; and after this, feeling the spring of Divine love opened, and a concern to speak, I said a few words in a meeting, in which I found peace. This, I believe, was about six weeks from the first time. As I was thus humbled and disciplined under the cross, my understanding became more strengthened to distinguish the pure Spirit which inwardly moves upon the heart, and taught me to wait in silence, sometimes many weeks together, until I felt