also bear much from others for your sake, in the exercise of his friendship.

18. He must be one that hath so good an esteem of your person, and so true and strong a love to you, as will suffice to move him, and hold him to all this.

19. He must be yet of a public spirit, and a lover of good works, that he may put you on to well-doing, and not countenance you in an idle self-pleasing and unprofitable life. And he ought to be one that is skilful in the business of your calling, that he may be fit to censure your work, and amend it, and direct you in it, and confer about it; and it is best for you if he be one that excelleth you herein, that he may add something to you (but then you will not be such to him, and so the friendship will be unequal).

sex.

20. Lastly, there must be some suitableness in age and

The young want experience to make them meet for the bosom friendship of the aged (though yet they may take delight in instructing them, and doing them good). And the young are hardly reconcilable to all the gravity of the aged. And it must not be a person of a different sex, unless in case of marriage. Not but that they may be helpful to each other as Christians, and in a state of distant friendship; but this bosom intimacy, they are utterly unfit for, because of unsuitableness, temptation and scandal.

Directions for the Right Use of Special Bosom Friendship.

Direct. 1. Engage not yourself to any one, as a bosom friend, without great evidence and proof of his fitness in all the foregoing qualifications.' By which you may see that this is not an ordinary way of duty or benefit, but a very unusual case. For it is a hard thing to meet with one among many thousands, that hath all these qualifications: and when that is done, if you have not all the same qualifications to him, you will be unmeet for his friendship, whatever he be for yours. And where in an age will there be two that will be suited in all those respects? Therefore our ordinary way of duty is, to love all according to their various worth, and to make the best use we can of every one's grace and gifts, and of those most that are nearest us: but without the partiality of such extraordinary affection to any

one above the rest. For young persons usually make their choice rashly, of one that afterwards proveth utterly unmeet for the office of such a friend, or at least, no better than many other persons; nay, ten to one, but after-experience will acquaint them with many that are much wiser, and better, and fitter for their love. And hasty affections, are guilty of blind partiality, and run men into sin and sorrow, and often end in unpleasant ruptures. Therefore be not too forward in this friendship.

Direct. 11. When you do choose a friend, though he must be one that you have no cause to be suspicious of, yet reckon that it is possible that he may be estranged from you, yea, and turn your enemy.' Causeless jealousies are contrary to friendship on your part; and if there be cause, it is inconsistent with friendship on his part. But yet no friendship should make you blind, and not to know that man is a corrupt and mutable creature; especially in such an age as this, wherein we have seen, how personal changes, state-changes, and changes in religion, have alienated many seeming friends. Therefore love them, and use them, and trust them, but as men, that may possibly fail of your expectations, and open all your secrets, and betray you, yea, and turn your enemies. Suspect it not, but judge it possible.

Direct. 111. Be open with your approved friend, and commit all your secrets to him, still excepting those, the knowledge of which may be hurtful to himself, or the revealing of them hereafter may be intolerably injurious to yourself, to the honour of religion, to the public good, or to any other.' If you be needlessly close, you are neither friendly, nor can you improve your friend enough to your own advantage. But yet if you open all without exception, you may many ways be injurious to your friend and to yourself; and the day may come which you did not look for, in which his weakness, passion, interest, or alienation, may trouble you by making all public to the world.

Direct. IV. Use as little affectation or ceremony with your friend as may be; but let all your converse with him be with openness of heart, that he may see that you both trust him, and deal him in plain sincerity.' If dissimulation and forced affectation be but once discovered, it

tendeth to breed a constant diffidence and suspicion. And if it be an infirmity of your own which you think needeth such a cover, the cloak will be of worse effect, than the knowledge of your infirmity.

Direct. v. Be ever faithful to your friend, for the cure of all his faults; and never turn friendship into flattery: yet still let all be done in love, though in a friendly freedom, and closeness of admonition.' It is not the least benefit of intimate friendship, that what an enemy speaketh behind our backs, a friend will open plainly to our faces. To watch over one another daily, and be as a glass to shew our faces or faults to one another is the very great benefit of true friendship. "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth, for he hath not another to help him up'.' It is a flatterer and not a friend, that will please you by concealing or extenuating your sin.

Direct. vi. Abhor selfishness as most contrary to real friendship.' Let your friend be as yourself, and his interest as your own. If we must love our neighbour as ourselves, much more our dearest bosom friends.

Direct. VII. Understand what is most excellent and useful in your friend, and that improve.' Much good is lost by a dead-hearted companion, that will neither broach the vessel and draw out that which is ready for their use; nor yet feed any good discourse, by due questions or answers, but stifle all by barren silence. And a dull, silent hearer, will weary and silence the speaker at the last.

Direct. VIII. 'Resolve to bear with each other's infirmities: be not too high in your expectations from each other: look not for exactness and innocence, but for human infirmities, that when they fall out, you may not find yourselves disappointed.' Patience is necessary in all human con

verse.

Direct. ix. Yet do not suffer friendship to blind you, to own or extenuate the faults of your dearest friend.' For that will be sinful partiality, and will be greatly injurious to God, and treach against the soul and safety of raive! your friend.

Eccles. iv. 9-11,

Direct. x. 'And watch lest the love, estimation or reverence of your friend, should draw you to entertain his errors, or to imitate him in any sinful way.' It is no part of true friendship to prefer men before the truth of Christ, nor to take any heretical, dividing, or sensual infection from our friend, and so to die and perish with him; nor is it friendly to desire it.

Direct. XI. Never speak against your friend to a third person; nor open his dishonourable weakness to another.' As no man can serve two masters, so no man can well please two contrary friends: and if you whisper to one the failings of another, it tendeth directly to the dissolution of your friendship.

Direct. XII. Think not that love will warrant your partial, erroneous estimation of your friend.' You may judge him fittest for your intimacy: but you must not judge him better than all other men, unless you have special evidence of it, as the reason of such a judgment.

Direct. XIII. Let not the love of your friend draw you to love all, or any others the less, and below their worth.' Let not friendship make you narrow-hearted, and confine your charity to one: but give all their due, in your valuation and your conversation, and exercise as large a charity and benignity as possibly you can: especially to societies, churches and commonwealth, and to all the world. It is a sinful friendship, which robbeth others of your charity; especially those to whom much more is due than to your friend.

Direct. XIV. Exercise your friendship in holiness and well-doing:' kindle in each other the love of God and goodness, and provoke each other to a heavenly conversation. The more of God and heaven is in your friendship, the more holy, safe, and sweet, and durable it will prove. It will not wither, when an everlasting subject is the fuel that maintaineth it. If it will not help you the better to holiness and to heaven, it is worth nothing. "If two lie together, then they have heat; but how can one be warm alone"." See that your friendship degenerate not into common carnal love, and evaporate not in a barren converse,instead of pray

m Eccles. iv. 11.

er and heavenly discourse, and faithful watchfulness and reproof.

Direct. xv. Prepare each other for suffering and death, and dwell together in the house of mourning, where you may remember your nearer everlasting friendship: and not only in the house of mirth, as if it were your work, to make each other forget your latter end.'

CHAPTER XXIX.

Cases and Directions for Loving and Doing Good to Enemies.

MOST which belongeth to this subject is said before, Chap. ix. about Forgiving Enemies, and therefore thither I refer the reader.

Tit. 1. Cases about Loving and Doing Good to Enemies.

Quest. 1. 'Whom must I account an enemy, and love under that name?'

Answ. 1. Not every one that is angry with you, or that giveth you foul words, or that undervalueth you, or that speaketh against you, or that doth you wrong: but he that hateth you, and seeketh or desireth your destruction or your hurt as such designedly. 2. And no man must be taken for such, that doth not manifest it, or by whom you cannot prove it. 3. But if you have reasonable suspicion you may carry yourself the more warily for your own preservation, lest he should prove your enemy, and his designs should take you unprovided.

Quest. 11. With what kind of love must an enemy be loved, and on what accounts?'

Answ. Primarily with a love of complacence, for all the good which is in him, natural and moral: he must be loved as a man for the goodness of his nature; and his understanding and virtues must be acknowledged as freely, and loved as fully, as if he were no enemy of ours: enmity must not blind and pervert our judgment of him, and hinder us from discerning all that is amiable in him; nor must it cor