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O, soft, sir, hold you still: I'll fetch my sister, to get her good-will.
Exit. Luc. Enter, from the house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DломIO of Syracuse.
Ant. S. Why, how now, Dromio? where run'st
thou so fast?
Dro. S. Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio? um I your man? am I myself?
Ani. S. Thou art Dromio, thou art my thou art thyself.
Ant. S. Where Spain?
Dro. S. Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it, hot in her breath.
Ant. S. Where America, the Indies!
Dro. S. O, sir, upon her nose, all o'er embellish'd with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole armadas of carracks to be baflast at her nose. Ant. S. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands? Dro. S. O, sir, I did not look so low. To conman,clude, this drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me; call'd me Dromio; swore, I was assured to her; told me what privy marks I had about me, as the mark of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my left arm, that 1, amazed, ran from her as a witch and, I think, if my breast had not been made of faith, and my heart of steel, she had transform'd me to a curtail-dog, and made me turn ithe wheel.
Dro. S. I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and besides myself.
Ant. S. What woman's man? and how besides thyself?
Dro. S. Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.
Ant. S. What claim lay she to thee? Dro. S. Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay your horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, being a beast, she would have me; but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim
Ant. S. What is she?
Dro. S. A very reverend body; ay, such a one as a man may not speak of, without he say, sir reverence: I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage.
Ant. S. How dost thou mean, a fat marriage? Dro. S. Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench, and all grease; and I know not what use to put her to but to make a lamp of her, and run from her by her own light. I warrant, her rags, and the tallow in them, will burn a Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday, she'll burn a week longer than the whole world
Ant. S. What complexion is she of?
Dro. S. Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing like so clean kept; For why? she sweats, a man may go over shoes in the grime of it.
Ant. S. That's a fault that water will mend. Dro. S. No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.
Ant. S. What's her name?
Dro. S. Nell, sir-but her name and three quarters, that is, an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from hip to hip.
Ant. S. Then she bears some breadth!
Dro. S. No longer from head to foot, than from hip to hip: she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her.
Ant. S. In what part of her body stands Ireland? Dro. S. Marry, sir, in her buttocks; I found it out by the bogs.
Ant. S. Where Scotland?
Dro. S. I found it by the barrenness; hard, in the palm of the hand.
Ant. S. Where France?
Ant. S. Go, hie thee presently, post to the road;
Ang. Master Antipholus.
Ang. I know it well, sir: Lo, here is the chain;
Ang. What please yourself, sir; I have made it
Ant. S. Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.
Dro. S. In her forehead; arm'd and reverted, But this I think, there's no man is so vain, making war against her hair.
Ant. S. Where England?
Dro. S. 1 look'd for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no whiteness in them: but I guess it stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
That would refuse so fair an offer'd chain.
SCENE I-The same.
Enter a Merchant, ANGELO, and an Officer.
Ang. Even just the sum, that I do owe to you,
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, and DROMIO of
Off. That labor may you save; see where he
Ant E. While I go to the goldsmith's house, go
And buy a rope's end; that will I bestow
But neither chain, nor goldsmith, came to me:
Besides, I have some business in the town:
Ant. E. No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.
Ang. Well, sir, I will: Have you the chain about you?
Ant. É. An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
Either send the chain, or send by me some token. Ant. E. Fye! how you run this humor out of breath:
Come, where's the chain? I pray you let me see it.
Ant. E. I answer you! What should I answer you?
Ang. The money that you owe me for the chain.
Ant. E. I owe you none, till I receive the chain. Ang. You know, I gave it you half an hour since.
Ant. E. You gave me none; you wrong me much to say so.
Ang. You wrong me more, sir, in denying it:
Off. I do and charge you in the duke's name,
to obey me.
Ang. This touches me in reputation:Either consent to pay this sum for me,
Or I attach you by this officer.
Ant. E. Consent to pay thee that I never had! Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar'st.
Ang. Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer; I would not spare my brother in this case, If he should scorn me so apparently.
Off. I do arrest you, sir; you hear the suit. Ant. E. I do obey thee, till I give thee bail:But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear As all the metal in your shop will answer.
Ang. Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus, To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.
Enter DROMIO of Syracuse.
Dro. S. Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum,
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
Dro. S. A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.1 Ant. E. Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;
And told thee to what purpose and what end.
Ant. E. I will debate this matter at more leisure,
[Exeunt Mer., ANG.. Officer, and ANT. E. Dro. S. To Adriana; that is where we dined, Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband: She is too big, I hope, for me to compass. Thither I must, although against my will, For servants must their master's minds fulfil.
First he did praise my beauty; then, my speech. Adr. Didst speak him fair!
Luc. Have patience, I beseech. Adr. I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still; My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will. He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere, Ill-faced, worse-bodied, shapeless every where: Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind; Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
Luc. Who would be jealous then of such a one; No evil lost is waild when it is gone. Adr. Ah! but I think him better than I say, And yet would herein others' eyes were worse: Far from her nest the lapwing cries away;5 My heart prays for him, though my tongue do
Enter DROM10 of Syracuse Dro. S. Here, go; the desk, the purse; sweet now, make haste.
Luc. How hast thou lost thy breath? Dro. S. By running fast. Adr. Where is thy master, Dromio! is he well? Dro. S. No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell: A devil in an everlasting garments hath him, One, whose hard heart is button'd up with steel; A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough;
A wolf, nay worse, a fellow all in buff;
A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands
The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands; A hound that runs counter, and yet draws dry-foot well;
One that, before the judgment, carries poor souls to hell.
Adr. Why, man, what is the matter?
Dro. S. I do not know the matter: he is 'rested on the case.
Adr. What, is he arrested? tell me, at whose suit. Dro. S. I know not at whose suit he is arrested, well;
But he's in a suit of buff, which 'rested him, that can I tell ;
Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in the desk!
Adr Go fetch it, sister.-This I wonder at,
Exit LUCIANA. That he, unknown to me, should be in debt: Tell me, was he arrested on a band?s
Dro. S. Not on a band, but on a stronger thing; A chain, a chain; do you not hear it ring? Adr. What, the chain?
Dro. S. No, no, the bell; 'tis time that I were gone. It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes
SCENE III.-The same.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse.
Ant. S. There's not a man I meet, but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
And show'd me silks that he had bought for me,
Enter DROMIO of Syracuse.
Dro. S. Master, here's the gold you sent me for: What, have you got the picture of old Adam new apparel'd?
Ant. S. What gold is this? what Adam dost thou mean?
Dro. S. Not that Adam, that kept the paradise, but that Adam, that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf's-skin that was kill'd for the prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.
Ant. S. I understand thee not.
Dro. S. No? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went like a base-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir,
that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a fob, and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men, and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace, than morris-pike.
Ant. S. What! thou mean'st an officer?
Dro. S. Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band; he, that brings any man to answer it, that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, God give you good rest!
Ant. S. Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any ship puts forth to-night? may we be gone?
Dro. S. Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since, that the bark Expedition put forth to-night, and then were you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy, Delay: Here are the angels, that you sent for, to deliver you.
Ant. S. The fellow is distract, and so am I ;
Enter a Courtezan.
Cour. Well met, well met, master Antipholus. Is that the chain, you promised me to-day? I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now;
Ant. S. Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not!
Dro. S. Master, is this mistress Satan?
Dro. S. Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench; and thereof comes, that the wenches say, God damn me, that's as much as to say, God make me a light wench. It is written, they appear to men fire will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn; Come like angels of light: light is an effect of fire, and
not near her.
Cour. Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir. Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here. bespeak a long spoon. Dro. S. Master, if you do expect spoon-meat,
Ant. S. Why, Dromio?
Dro. S. Marry, he must have a long spoon, that must eat with the devil.
Ant. S. Avoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress: of supping?
I conjure thee to leave me, and be gone.
Dro. S. Some devils ask but the paring of one's nail,
A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,
Master, be wise; and if you give it her,
I hope, you do not mean to cheat me so.
Dro. S. Fly pride, says the peacock: Mistress, that you know,
[Exeunt ANT. S. and DRO. S. Cour. Now, out of doubt, Antipholus is mad, Else would he never so demean himself: A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats, And for the same he promis'd me a chain! Both one, and other, he denies me now. The reason that I gather he is mad, (Besides this present instance of his rage,) Is a mad tale, he told to-day at dinner, Of his own doors being shut against his entrance. Belike, his wife, acquainted with his fits, On purpose shut the doors against his way. My way is now, to hie home to his house, And tell his wife, that, being a lunatic, He rush'd into my house, and took perforce My ring away: This course I fittest choose; For forty ducats is too much to lose.
SCENE IV.-The same.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, and an Officer.
Ant. E. Fear me not, man, I will not break away; I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money To warrant thee, as I am rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood to-day: And will not lightly trust the messenger, That I should be attach d in Ephesus:
I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.
Enter DROMIO of Ephesus, with a rope's end. Here comes my man; I think, he brings the money How now, sir? have you that I sent you for? Dro. E. Here's that, I warrant you, will pay
Ant. E. But where's the money?
Dro. E. Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope. Ant. E. Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope? Dro. E. I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate. Ant. E. To what end did I bid thee hie thee home? Dro. E. To a rope's end, sir; and to that end am I return'd.
Ant. E. And to that end, sir, I will welcome you [Beating him.
1 Correct them all.
Off. Good sir, be patient.
Dro. E. Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.
Off. Good now, hold thy tongue.
Dro. E. Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
Ant. E. Thou whoreson, senseless villain! Dro. E. I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.
Ant. E. Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.
Dro. E. I am an ass indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service, but blows: when I am cold, he heats me with beating: when I am warm, he cools me with beating: I am waked with it when I sleep; raised with it, when I sit; driven out of doors with it, when I go from home; welcomed home with it, when I return: nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I think, when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.
Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, and the Courtezan, with PINCH, and others.
Ant. E. Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.
Dro. E. Mistress, respic finem, respect your end; or rather the prophecy, like the parrot, Beware the rope's end. [Beats him.
Ant. E. Wilt thou still talk?
Cour. How say you now? is not your husband mad?
Adr. His incivility confirms no less.Good doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer; Establish him in his true sense again, And I will please you what you will demand. Luc. Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks! Cour. Mark, how he trembles in his ecstasy! Pinch. Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.
Ant. E. There is my hand, and let it feel your car. Pinch. I charge thee, Satan, hous'd within this
Adr. O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul! Ant. E. You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with a saffron face
Adr. O, husband, God doth know, you dined at home,
Where 'would you had remain'd until this time, Free from these slanders, and this open shame! Ant. E. I dined at home! Thou, villain, what
say'st thou ?
Dro. E. Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at
Ant. E. Were not my doors lock'd up, and I shut out?
Dro. E. Perdy, your doors were lock'd, and you shut out.
Ant. E. And did not she herself revile me there? Dro. E. Sans fable, she herself reviled you there. Ant. E. Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?
Dro. E. Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal
scorn'd you. Ant. E. And did not I in rage depart from thence? Dro. E. In verity you did;-my bones bear
That since have felt the vigor of his rage.
Adr. Is't good to sooth him in these contraries? Pinch. It is no shame; the fellow finds his vein, And, yielding to him, humors well his frenzy. Ant. E. Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to
Adr. Alas, I sent you money to redeem you, By Dromio here, who came in haste for it."
? A corruption of the French oath-pardieu, Without a fable. • Certainly.
And why dost thou deny the bag of gold!
Ant. E. Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all⚫
[PINCH and his Assistants bind ANT. E and DRO. E.
Adr. O, bind him, bind him, let him not come
Pinch. More company!-the fiend is strong within him.
Luc. Ah me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!
Ant. E. What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou,
I am thy prisoner; wilt thou suffer them
Off. He is my prisoner; if I let him go, The debt he owes, will be required of me.
Adr. I will discharge thee, ere I go from thee: Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd And knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it. Home to my house.-0 most unhappy day! Ant. E. O most unhappy strumpet!
Dro. E. Master, 1 am here entered in bond for you.
Ant. É. Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou
Came to my house, and took away my ring,
Adr. It may be so, but I did never see it :-
Luc. God, for thy mercy! they are loose again. Adr. And come with naked swords; let's call more help, To have them bound again. $ Foolish.
Away, they'll kill us. [Exeunt Officer, Ann., and Luc. Ant. S. I see, these witches are afraid of swords. Dro. S. She, that would be your wife, now ran from you.
Ant. S. Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence:
I long, that we were safe and sound aboard.
Dro. S. Faith, stay here this night, they will surely do us no harm; you saw, they speak us fair give us gold: methinks, they are such a gentle nation, that but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still, and turn witch.
Ant. E. I will not stay to-night for all the town; Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard. [Exeunt.
SCENE I.-The same.
Enter Merchant and ANGELO.
Ang. I am sorry, sir, that I have hinder'd you;
But, I protest, he had the chain of me,
Adr. It was the copy of our conference: In bed, he slept not for my urging it;
Mer. How is the man esteem'd here in the city! At board, he fed not for my urging it;
Ang. Of very reverend reputation, sir,
Of credit infinite, highly belov'd,
Second to none that lives here in the city;
That you would put me to this shame and trouble;
Fye on thee, wretch! 'tis pity, that thou liv'st
Ant. S. Thou art a villain, to impeach me thus:
[They draw. Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, Courtezan, and others. Adr. Hold, hurt him not, for God's sake; he is
Some get within him, take his sword away:
This is some priory;-In, or we are spoil'd.
Enter the ABBESS.
Abb. Be quiet, people; Wherefore throng you hither?
Adr. To fetch my poor distracted husband hence: Let us come in, that we may bind him fast, And bear him home for his recovery.
Ang. I knew, he was not in his perfect wits. Mr. I am sorry now, that I did draw on him. Abb. How long hath this possession held the man? Adr. This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad, And much, much different from the man he was; But, till this afternoon, his passion
Ne'er brake into extremity of rage.
Abb. Hath he not lost much wealth by wreck at sea?
Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye
Adr. To none of these, except it be the last;
Ay, but not rough enough.
i. c. Close, grapple with him.
Alone, it was the subject of my theme;
Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.
Abb. And thereof came it, that the man was mad:
Unquiet meals make ill digestions,
And what's a fever but a fit of madness?
Luc. She never reprehended him but mildly, When he demean'd himself rough, rude, and wildly.
Why bear you these rebukes, and answer not?
Abb. No, not a creature enters in my house.
Abb. Neither; he took this place for sanctuary, And it shall privilege him from your hands, Till I have brought him to his wits again, Or lose my labor in essaying it.
Adr. I will attend my husband, be his nurse,
And ill it doth beseem your holiness,
Mer. To see a reverend Syracusan mercnant,