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SECOND PART OF
KING HENRY IV.
KING HENRY THE FOURTH.
HENRY, Prince of Wales, afterwards
King Henry V.;
THOMAS, Duke of Clarence;
TRAVERS and MORTON, Domestics of Northumber-
FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, PISTOL, and Page.
PRINCE JOHN, of Lancaster, afterwards his Sons. DAVY, Servant to Shallow.
(2 Henry V.) Duke of Bedford;
PRINCE HUMPHREY of Gloster, after
wards (2 Henry V.) Duke of
Lord Chief Justice of the King's Bench.
A Gentleman attending on the Chief Justice.
EARL OF NORTHUMBERLAND;)
SCROOP, Archbishop of York;
SIR JOHN COLEVILE;
MOULDY, SHADOW, WART, FEEBLE, and BULLCALF,
FANG and SNARE, Sheriff's Officers.
A Dancer, Speaker of the Epilogue.
Enemies to the King. Lords and other Attendants: Officers, Soldiers, Mes
sengers, Drawers, Grooms, &c.
Warkworth. Before Northumberland's Castle. Enter RUMOR, painted full of Tongues.
Rum. Open your ears; For which of you will stop
The vent of hearing, when loud Rumor speaks?
Can play upon it. But what need I thus
Even with the rebel's blood. But what mean I
To noise abroad,-that Harry Monmouth fell
They bring smooth comforts false, worse than true
North. What news, Lord Bardolph? every min- Stopping my greedy ear with their bold deeds:
Should be the father of some stratagem:1
How is this deriv'd?
Saw you the field? came you from Shrewsbury?
A gentleman well bred, and of good name,
On Tuesday last to listen after news.
L. Bard. My lord, I over-rode him on the way;
North. Now, Travers, what good tidings come
Tra. My lord, sir John Umfrevile turn'd me back
L. Bard. My lord, I'll tell you what;-
Give then such instances of loss?
North. Yea, this man's brow, like to a title-leaf,
But in the end, to stop mine ear indeed,
Why, he is dead.
L. Bard. I cannot think, my lord, your son is dead
North. For this I shall have time enough to mourn.
Out of his keepers' arms; even so my limbs,
A scaly gauntlet now, with joints of steel,
4 Return of blows.
L. Bard. Sweet earl, divorce not wisdom from your honor.
Mor. The lives of all your loving complices
Let us make head. It was your presurmise,
L. Bard. We all, that are engaged to this loss,
I hear for certain and do speak the truth,-
Or fair king Richard, scraped from Pomfret stones;
SCENE II.-London. A Street.
Enter Sir JOHN FALSTAFF, with his Page bearing his Sword and Buckler.
Fal. Sirrah, you giant, what says the doctor to my water? Page. He said, sir, the water itself was a good healthy water: but, for the party that owed it, he might have more diseases than he knew for.
Fal. Men of all sorts take a pride to girds at me; The brain of this foolish-compounded clay, man, is not able to invent any thing that tends to laughter, more than I invent, or is invented on me; I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men. I do here walk before thee, like a
sow, that had overwhelmed all her litter but one. If the prince put thee into my service for any other reason than to set me off, why then I have no judgment. Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my cap, than to wait at my heels. I was never manned with an agate till now: but I will set you neither in gold nor silver, but in vile apparel, and send you back again to your master for a jewel; the juvenal, the prince your master, whose chin is not yet fledged. I will sooner have a beard grow in the palm of my hand, than he shall get on his cheek; and yet he will not stick to say his face is a face-royal: God may finish it when he ⚫Distribution. 1 Against their stomachs. 2 Greater. Gibe. 4 A root supposed to have the shape of a man. Alluding to little figures cut in agate.
| will, it is not a hair amiss yet: he may keep it still as a face-royal, for a barber shall never earn sixpence out of it; and yet he will be crowing as if he had writ man ever since his father was a bachelor. He may keep his own grace, but he is almost out of mine, I can assure him.-- What said master Dumbleton about the satin for my short cloak, and slops?
Page. He said, sir, you should procure him better assurance than Bardolph: he would not take his bond and yours; he liked not the security.
Fal. Let him be damned like a glutton! may his tongue be hotter!-A whoreson Achitophel! a rascally yea-forsooth knave! to bear a gentleman in hand, and then stand upon security!-The whoreson smooth-pates do not wear nothing but high shoes, and bunches of keys at their girdles; and if a man is thorough with them in honest taking up, then they must stand upon--security. I had as lief they would put ratsbane in my mouth, as offer to stop it with security. looked he should have sent me two-and-twenty yards of satin, as I am a true knight, and he sends me security. Well, he may sleep in security; for he hath the horn of abundance, and the lightness of his wife shines through it: and yet cannot he see, though he have his own lantern to light him.- Where's Bardolph?
Page. He's gone into Smithfield, to buy your worship a horse.
Fal. I bought him in Paul's, and he'll buy me a horse in Smithfield: an I could get me but a wife in the stews, I were manned, horsed, and wived." Enter the Lord Chief Justice, and an Attendant.
Page. Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the prince for striking him about Bardolph. Fal. Wait close, I will not see him.
Ch. Just. What's he that goes there?
Ch. Just. He that was in question for the robbery?
Alten. He, my lord: but he hath since done good service at Shrewsbury; and, as I hear, is now going with some charge to the lord John of Lancaster. Ch. Just. What, to York! Call him back again. Atten. Sir John Falstaff!
Fat. Boy, tell him, I am deaf.
Page. You must speak louder, my master is deaf. Ch. Just. I am sure, he is, to the hearing of any thing good.-Go, pluck him by the elbow; I must speak with him.'
Atten. Sir John,
not wars? is there not employment? Doth not the Fal. What! a young knave, and beg! Is there king lack subjects? do not the rebels need soldiers? Though it be a shame to be on any side but one, it is worse shame to beg than to be on the worse side, were it worse than the name of rebellion can tell
how to make it.
Atten. You mistake me, sir.
Fal. Why, sir, did I say you were an honest man? setting my knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied in my throat if I had said so.
and your soldiership aside; and give me leave to Atten. I pray you, sir, then set your knighthood tell you, you lie in your throat, if you say I am any other than an honest man.
Fal. I give thee leave to tell me so! I lay aside of me, hang me; if thou takest leave, thou wert that which grows to me! If thou get'st any leave better be hanged: You hunt-counter, hence! avaunt!
Atten. Sir, my lord would speak with you. Ch. Just. Sir John Falstaff, a word with you. time of day. I am glad to see your lordship abroad: Fal. My good lord!--God give your lordship good I heard say, your lordship was sick: I hope, your lordship goes abroad by advice. Your lordship, though not clean past your youth, hath yet some smack of age in you, some relish of the saltness of time; and I most humbly beseech your lordship, to have a reverend care of your health.
Ch. Just. Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to Shrewsbury.
is returned with some discomfort from Wales. Fal. An't please your lordship, I hear his majesty
Ch. Just. I talk not of his majesty:-You would not come when I sent for you.
Fal. And I hear moreover, his highness is fallen into this same whoreson apoplexy.
Ch. Just. Well, heaven mend him! I pray, let me speak with you.
Fal. This apoplexy is, as I take it, a kind of lethargy, an't please your lordship; a kind of sleeping in the blood, a whoreson tingling.
Ch. Just. What tell you me of it? be it as it is. Fal. It hath its original from much grief; from study, and perturbation of the brain: I have read the cause of his effects in Galen; it is a kind of deafness.
Ch. Just. I think, you are fallen into the disease; for you hear not what I say to you.
Fal. Very well, my lord, very well: rather, an't please you, it is the disease of not listening, the malady of not marking, that I am troubled withal. Ch. Just. To punish you by the heels, would amend the attention of your ears; and I care not, if I do become your physician.
Fal. I am as poor as Job, my lord; but not so patient: your lordship may minister the potion of imprisonment to me, in respect of poverty; but how I should be your patient to follow your prescriptions, the wise may make some dram of a scruple, or indeed a scruple itself.
Ch. Just. I sent for you, when there were matters against you for your life, to come speak with
Fal. As I was then advised by my learned counsel in the laws of this land-service, I did not come. Ch. Just. Well, the truth is, sir John, you live in great infamy.
Fal. He that buckles him in my belt, cannot live in less.
Ch. Just Your means are very slender, and your waste is great.
Fal. I would it were otherwise; I would my means were greater, and my waist slenderer.
Ch. Just. You have misled the youthful prince. Fal. The young prince hath misled me: I am the fellow with the great belly, and he my dog.
Ch. Just. Well, I am loath to gall a new healed wound your day's service at Shrewsbury hath a little gilded over your night's exploit on Gadshill: you may thank the unquiet time for your quiet o'er-posting that action.
Fal. My lord?
Ch. Just. But since all is well, keep it so: wake not a sleeping wolf.
Fal. To wake a wolf is as bad as to smell a fox. Ch. Just. What! you are as a candle, the better part burn out.
Fal. A wassel candle, my lord: all tallow: if I did say of wax, my growth would approve the truth. Ch. Just. There is not a white hair on your face, but should have his effect of gravity.
Fal. His effect of gravy, gravy, gravy. Ch. Just. You follow the young prince up and down, like his ill angel.
Fal. Not so, my lord; your ill angel1 is light; but, I hope, he that looks upon me, will take me without weighing: and yet, in some respects, I grant, I cannot go, I cannot tell: Virtue is of so little regard in these coster-monger times, that true valor is turned bear-head: Pregnacy is made a tapster, and hath his quick wit wasted in giving reckonings: all the other gifts appertinent to man, as the malice of this age shapes them, are not worth a gooseberry. You, that are old, consider not the capacities of us that are young: you measure the heat of our liver in the bitterness of your galls; and we that are in the vaward of our youth, I must confess, are wags too.
Ch. Just. Do you set down your name in the scroll of youth, that are written down old with all the characters of age? Have you not a moist eye? a dry hand? a yellow cheek! a white beard? a decreasing leg an increasing belly? Is not your voice broken? your wind short? your chin double? your wit single? and every part about you blasted with antiquity? and will you yet call yourself young? Fye, fye, fye, sir John!
Fal. My lord, I was born about three of the clock in the afternoon, with a white head, and something
A large candle for a feast. 1 The coin called on angel.
a round belly. For my voice,-I have lost it with hollaing, and singing of anthems. To approve my youth further, I will not: the truth is, I am only old in judgment and understanding; and he that will caper with me for a thousand marks, let him lend me the money, and have at him. For the box o'the ear that the prince gave you,-he gave it like a rude prince, and you took it like a sensible lord. I have checked him for it; and the young lion repents: marry, not in ashes, and sack-cloth; but in new silk, and old sack.
Ch. Just. Well, heaven send the prince a better companion!
Fal. Heaven send the companion a better prince! I cannot rid my hands of him.
Ch. Just. Well, the king hath severed you and prince Harry: I hear you are going with lord John of Lancaster against the archbishop, and the earl of Northumberland.
Fal. Yea; I thank your pretty sweet wit for it. But look you pray, all you that kiss my lady peace at home, that our armies join not in a hot day! for, by the Lord, I take but two shirts out with me, and I mean not to sweat extraordinarily if it be a hot day, and I brandish any thing but my bottle, I would I might never spit white again. There is not a dangerous action can peep out his head, but I am thrust upon it: Well, I cannot last ever; But it was always yet the trick of our English nation, if they have a good thing, to make it too common. If you will need say, I am an old man, you should give me rest. I would to God, my name were not so terrible to the enemy as it is. I were better to be eaten to death with rust, than to be scoured to nothing with perpetual motion.
Ch. Just. Well, be honest, be honest; And God bless your expedition!
Fal. Will your lordship lend me a thousand pound, to furnish me forth?
Ch. Just. Not a penny, not a penny; you are too impatient to bear crosses. Fare you well: Commend me to my cousin Westmoreland.
[Exeunt Chief Justice and Attendant. Fal. If I do, tillip me with a three-man-beetle."— A man can no more separate age and covetousness, than he can part young limbs and lechery: but the gout galls the one, and the pox pinches the other; and so both the degrees prevent my curses.Boy!
Ful. What money is in my purse?
Fal. I can get no remedy against this consumption of the purse: borrowing only lingers and lingers it out, but the disease is incurable.-Go bear this letter to my lord of Lancaster; this to the prince; this to the earl of Westmoreland; and this to old mistress Ursula, whom I have weekly sworn to marry since 1 perceived the first white hair on my chin: About it; you know where to find me. [Exit Page.] A pox of this gout! or, a gout of this pox! for the one, or the other, plays the rogue with my great toe. It is no matter if I do halt; I have the wars for my color, and my pension shall seem the more reasonable: A good wit will make use of any thing; I will turn diseases to commodity." [Exit. SCENE III.-York. A Room in the Archbishop's Palace.
Enter the Archbishop of YORK, the Lords HASTINGS, MOWBRAY, and BARDOLPH.
Arch. Thus have you heard our cause, and known
And, my most noble friends, I pray you all,
Mowb. I well allow, the occasion of our arms;
Hast. Our present musters grow upon the file
A large wooden hammer, so heavy as to require three men to wield it. Anticipate. 7 Profit.
L. Bard. The question then, lord Hastings, standeth thus:
Whether our present five-and-twenty thousand
Of aids uncertain, should not be admitted.
Arch. 'Tis very true, lord Bardolph; for, indeed,
Eating the air on promise of supply,
Proper to madmen, led his powers to death,
Hast. But, by your leave, it never yet did hurt To lay down likelihoods, and forms of hope.
L. Bard. Yes, in this present quality of war;-
What do we then, but draw anew the model
To build at all? Much more, in this great work,
Question surveyors; know our own estate
Hast. Grant, that our hopes (yet likely of fair birth)
Should be still-born, and that we now possess'd
The utmost man of expectation;
I think, we are a body strong enough, Even as we are, to equal with the king.
L. Bard. What! is the king but five-and-twenty thousand?
Hast. To us, no more; nay, not so much, lord Bardolph.
For his divisions, as the times do brawl,
Are in three heads: one power against the French,
And come against us in full puissance,
If he should do so,
He leaves his back unarm'd, the French and Welsh Baying him at the heels: never fear that.
L. Bard. Who, is it like, should lead his forces hither!
Hast. The duke of Lancaster and Westmoreland:
Hath he, that buildeth on the vulgar heart.
They that, when Richard liv'd, would have him die,
Host. I am undone by his going; I warrant you, he's an infinite thing upon my score:-Good master Fang, hold him sure;-good master Snare, let him not escape. He comes continually to Piecorner, (saving your manhoods,) to buy a saddle; and he's indited to dinner to the Lubbar's Head in Lumbert-street, to master Smooth's the silkman:
I pray ye, since my exion is entered, and my case so openly known to the world, let him be brought in to his answer. A hundred mark is a long loan for a poor lone woman to bear: and I have borne, and borne, and borne; and have been fubbed off, and fubbed off, and fubbed off, from this day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on. There should be made an ass, and a beast, to bear every is no honesty in such dealing; unless a woman
Enter Sir JOHN FALSTAFF, Page, and BARDOLPH. Yonder he comes; and that arrant malmsey-nose knave, Bardolph, with him. Do your offices, do your offices, master Fang, and master Snare; do me, do me, do me, your offices.
Fal. How now? whose mare's dead? what's the matter?
Fang. Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of mistress Quickly.
a Foolish multitude.