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Go, base intruder! over-weening slave!
Should have been cherish'd by her child-like duty, Wilt thou reach stars because they shine on thee?
Val. Win her with gifts, if she respect not words; Dumb jewels often, in their silent kind, More than quick words, do move a woman's mind.
Duke. But she did scorn a present that I sent her. Val. A woman sometimes scorns what best contents her:
Send her another; never give her o'er;
Duke. But she, I mean, is promis'd by her friends
Val. Why then I would resort to her by night. Duke. Ay, but the doors be lock'd, and keys kept safe,
That no man hath recourse to her by night.
Val. What lets, but one may enter at her window? Duke. Her chamber is aloft, far from the ground; And built so shelving, that one cannot climb it Without apparent hazard of his life.
Val. Why then, a ladder, quaintly made of cords, To cast up with a pair of anchoring hooks, Would serve to scale another Hero's tower, So bold Leander would adventure it.
Duke. Now, as thou art a gentleman of blood, Advise me where I may have such a ladder. Val. When would you use it? pray, sir, tell me
Duke. This very night; for love is like a child, That longs for everything that he can come by.
Val. By seven o'clock I'll get you such a ladder. Duke. But, hark thee; I will go to her alone; How shall I best convey the ladder thither?
Val. It will be light, my lord, that you may bear it Under a cloak, that is of any length.
Duke. A cloak as long as thine will serve the turn? Val. Ay, my good lord. Duke. Then let me see thy cloak; I'll get me one of such another length.
Val. Why, any cloak will serve the turn, my lord. Duke. How shall I fashion me to wear a cloak? I pray thee, let me feel thy cloak upon me.-. What letter is this same? What's here? -To Silvia. And here an engine fit for my proceeding! I'll be so bold to break the seal for once. My thoughts do harbor with my Silvia nightly; And slaves they are to me, that send them flying: O, could their master come and go as lightly, Himself would lodge where senseless they are lying.
My herald thoughts in thy pure bosom rest them; While I,their king, that thither them importune, Do curse the grace that with such grace hath
Because myself do want my servant's fortune:
Silvia, this night I will enfranchise thee:
Will give thee time to leave our royal court,
To die, is to be banish'd from myself;
Enter PROTEUS and LAUNCE.
Pro. Run, boy, run, run, and seek him out.
Pro. What seest thou?
Laun. Him we go to find: there's not a hair on's head, but 'tis a Valentine.
Val. No Valentine, if Silvia have forsworn me! What is your news?
Laun. Sir, there's a proclamation that you are banish'd.
Pro. That thou art banished, O, that's the news; From hence, from Silvia, and from me thy friend. Val. O, I have fed upon this woe already, Doth Silvia know that I am banished? And now excess of it will make me surfeit.
(Which, unrevers'd, stands in effectual force,) Pro. Ay, ay; and she hath offered to the doom, Those at her father's churlish feet she tender'd; A sea of melting pearl, which some call tears: with them, upon her knees, her humble self; Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became
As if but now they waxed pale for woe:
Val. No more; unless the next word that thou speak'st
Have some malignant power upon my life:
Pro. Cease to lament for that thou canst not help,
Val. I pray thee, Launce, an if thou seest my boy, Bid him make haste, and meet me at the north gate. Pro. Go, sirrah, find him out. Come, Valentine. Val. O my dear Silvia! hapless Valentine!
[Exeunt VALENTINE and PROTEUS. Laun. I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have the wit to think my master is a kind of a knave: but that's all one, if he be but one knave. He lives not now, that knows me to be in love: yet I am in love; but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nor who 'tis I love, and yet 'tis a woman: but what woman, I will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milk-maid: yet 'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips: yet 'tis a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than a water spaniel,-which is much in a bare Christian. Here is the cat-log [pulling out a paper] of her conditions. Imprimis, She can fetch and carry. Why, a horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only carry; therefore, is she better than a jade. Item, She can milk; look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands.
Speed. How, now, signior Launce? what news with your mastership?
Laun. With my master's ship? why, it is at
Speed. Well, your old vice still; mistake the word: What news then in your paper!
Laun. The blackest news, that ever thou heard'st.
Laun. Why, as black as ink.
Laun. Fie on thee, jolt-head; thou canst not read.
Laun. I will try thee; tell me this: who begot thee?
Speed. Marry, the son of my grandfather. Laun. O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy grandmother: this proves, that thou canst not read.
Speed. Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper. Laun. There; and Saint Nicholas' be thy speed! Speed. Imprimis, She can milk.
Laun. Ay, that she can.
Speed. Item, She brews good ale.
Laun. And thereof comes the proverb,-Blessing of your heart, you brew good ale.
Speed. Item, She can sew.
Laun. That's as much as to say, Can she so? Speed. Item, She can knit.
Laun. What need a man care for a stock with
a wench, when she can knit him a stock?
Speed. Item, She can wash and scour.
Speed. Item, She is not to be kissed fusting, in respect of her breath.
Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast: read on.
Speed. Item, She hath a sweet mouth.
Laun. That makes amends for her sour breath. Speed. Item, She doth talk in her sleep. Laun. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk.
Speed. Item, She is slow in words.
Laun. O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words, is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with 't; and place it for her chief virtue.
Speed. Item, She is proud.
Laun. Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her.
Speed. Item, She hath no teeth.
Laun. I care not for that neither, because I love
Speed. Item, She is curst.
Laun. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. Speed. Item, She will often praise her liquor. Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. Speed. Item, She is too liberal.
Laun. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ down she is slow of; of her purse she shall not; for that I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may, and that I cannot help. Well, proceed.
Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.
Laun. Stop there; I'll have her she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article: rehearse that once more.
Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit,
Laun. More hair than wit, it may be; I'll prove it: the cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit, is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next?
Speed. And more faults than hairs,
Laun. That's monstrous: 0, that that were out! Speed. And more wealth than faults.
Laun. Why, that word makes the faults gracious: Well, I'll have her; and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible,
Speed. What then?
Laun. Why, then I will tell thee,-that thy master stays for thee at the north gate. Speed. For me?
Laun. For thee? ay; who art thou? he hath staid for a better man than thee.
Speed. And must I go to him?
Laun. Thou must run to him, for thou hast staid so long, that going will scarce serve the turn. Speed. Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your love-letters!
Laun. Now will he be swinged for reading my letter: An unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into secrets! - I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's [Exit.
SCENE II.-The same. A room in the Duke's
Enter DUKE and THURIO; PROTEUS behind.
Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight.
Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figure
Laun. A special virtue; for then she need not A little time will melt her frozen thoughts,
be washed and scoured.
Speed. Item, She can spin.
Laun. Then may I set the world on wheels when she can spin for her living.
Speed. Item, She hath many nameless virtues. Laun. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues: that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names.
Speed. Here follow her vices.
Laun. Close at the heels of her virtues.
St. Nicholas presided over young scholars.
And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.-
Duke. My daughter takes his going grievously.
Pro. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace, Let me not live to look upon your grace.
Duke. Thou know'st how willingly I would effect The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter. Pro. I do, my lord.
Duke. And also, I think, thou art not ignorant
Pro. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here.
Pro. The best way is to slander Valentine
Pro. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do:
Duke. Where your good word cannot advantage
Your slander never can endamage him;
Being entreated to it by your friend.
And cannot soon revolt and change your mind.
Pro. As much as I can do, I will effect:-
Visit by night your lady's chamber-window
With some sweet concert: to their instruments
Pro. You have prevail'd, my lord: if I can do it, This, or else nothing, will inherit her.
By aught that I can speak in his dispraise,
She shall not long continue love to him.
But. say this weed her love from Valentine,
It follows not that she will love sir Thurio.
Duke. This disciplines hows thou hast been in
Thu. And thy advice this night I'll put in practice. Therefore, sweet Proteus, my direction-giver,
Thu. Therefore, as you unwind her love from him, Let us into the city presently
Lest it should ravel, and be good to none,
Which must be done, by praising me as much
Duke. And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this
Because we know, on Valentine's report,
To sort some gentlemen well skill'd in music:
To give the onset to thy good advice.
Pro. We'll wait upon your grace till after supper:
SCENE I.-A Forest near Mantua.
1 Out. Fellows, stand fast; I see a passenger.
Enter VALENTINE and SPEED.
3 Out. Stand, sir, and throw us that you have about you;
If not, we'll make you sit, and rifle you.
Speed. Sir, we are undone! these are the villains That all the travelers do fear so much.
Val. My friends
1 Out. That's not so, sir; we are your enemies.
2 Out. Peace; we'll hear him.
3 Out. Ay, by my beard, will we;
For he's a proper man.
But yet I slew him manfully in fight,
1 Out. Why, ne'er repent it, if it were done so: But were you banish'd for so small a fault?
Val. I was, and held me glad of such a doom. 1 Out. Have you the tongues?
Val. My youthful travel therein made me happy; Or else I often had been miserable.
3 Out. By the bare scalp of Robin Hood's fat friar,
It is an honorable kind of thievery.
2 Out. Tell us this: have you anything to take
Val. Nothing, but my fortune.
3 Out. Know then, that some of us are gentlemen,
Val. Then know that I have little wealth to lose; Such as the fury of ungoverned youth
A man I am, cross'd with adversity:
My riches are these poor habiliments,
Of which if you should here disfurnish me,
You take the sum and substance that I have. 2 Out. Whither travel you?
Val. To Verona.
1 Out. Whence came you?
Val. From Milan.
3 Out. Have you long sojourn'd there?
Thrust from the company of awful' men
2 Out. And I from Mantua, for a gentleman,
Val. Some sixteen months; and longer might And, partly, seeing you are beautified
To make a virtue of necessity,
And live, as we do, in this wilderness?
3 Out. What say'st thou wilt thou be of our
Say, ay, and be the captain of us all:
1 Out. But if thou scorn our courtesy, thou diest.
Val. I take your offer, and will live with you; Provided that you do no outrages
On silly women, or poor passengers.
3 Out. No, we detest such vile base practices. Come, go with us, we'll bring thee to our crews, And show thee all the treasure we have got; Which, with ourselves, all rest at thy dispose.
SCENE II.-Milan. Court of the Palace.
Pro. Already have I been false to Valentine,
She twits me with my falsehood to my friend:
Enter THURIO and Musicians.
Thu. How now, sir Proteus, are you crept before us?
Pro. Ay, gentle Thurio; for you know, that love
Thu. Ay, but I hope, sir, that you love not here.
Pro. Ay, Silvia,
for your sake.
Jul. You mistake; the musician likes me not.
Jul. He plays false, father.
Host. How out of tune on the strings?
Jul. Not so; but yet so false that he grieves my very heart-strings.
Host. You have a quick ear.
Jul. Ay, I would I were deaf! it makes me have a slow heart.
Host. I perceive you delight not in music.
Host. Hark, what fine change is in the music!
Host. You would have them always play but one thing?
Jul. I would always have one play but one thing. But, host, doth this sir Proteus, that we talk on. often resort unto this gentlewoman?
Host. I tell you what Launce, his man, told me, he loved her out of all nick.
Jul. Where is Launce!
Host. Gone to seek his dog; which, to-morrow, by his master's command, he must carry for a present to his lady.
Jul. Peace! stand aside! the company parts.
Pro. At saint Gregory's well.
[Exeunt THURIO and Musicians.
SILVIA appears above, at her window.
Pro. Madam, good even to your ladyship.
Pro. One, lady, if you knew his pure heart's truth,
Pro. Sir Proteus, gentle lady, and your servant.
That I may compass yours.
That hast deceiv'd so many with thy vows?
Thu. I thank you for your own. Now, gentlemen, Return, return, and make thy love amends. Let's tune, and to it lustily a while.
Enter Host, at a distance; and JULIA in boy's clothes.
Host. Now, my young guest! methinks you're allycholly; I pray you, why is it?
Jul. Marry, mine host, because I cannot be merry. Host. Come, we'll have you merry: I'll bring you where you shall hear music, and see the gentleman that you ask'd for.
Jul. But shall I hear him speak?
Jul. That will be music.
Host. Hark! hark!
Jul. Is he among these?
Host. Ay, but peace, let's hear 'em.
Who is Silvia? What is she?
For me, by this pale queen of night I swear,
I am betrothed: And art thou not asham'd
Music plays. To wrong him with thy importúnacy!
That all our swains commend her? Holy, fair, and wise is she,
The heavens such grace did lend her, That she might admired be.
Is she kind, as she is fair?
For beauty lives with kindness:
To help him of his blindness;
Host. How now? are you sadder than you were
How do you, man? the music likes you not.
Pro. I likewise hear, that Valentine is dead.
Pro. Sweet lady, let me rake it from the earth.
Jul. Host, will you go?
Host. By my halidom, I was fast asleep.
Jul. Not so; but it hath been the longest night
SCENE III. The same.
Egl. This is the hour that madam Silvia Entreated me to call and know her mind; There's some great matter she'd employ me in. Madam, madam !
SILVIA appears above, at her window.
Egl. As many, worthy lady, to yourself.
Sil. O Eglamour, thou art a gentleman,
As full of sorrows as the sea of sands
To bear me company, and go with me:
That I may venture to depart alone.
Egl. Madam, I pity much your grievances:
As much I wish all good befortune you.
This evening coming.
Egl. Where shall I meet you?
dogs, under the duke's table: he had not been there (bless the mark!) a pissing while; but all the chamber smelt him. Out with the dog, says one; What cur is that? says another; Whip him out, says the third; Hang him up, says the duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before, knew it was Crab; and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs: Friend, quoth I, you mean to whip the dog? Ay, marry, do 1, quoth he. You do him the more wrong, quoth I; twas I did the thing you wot of. He makes me no more ado, but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters would do this for their servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed: I have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for t: thou think'st not of this now!-Nay, I remember the trick you served me, when I took my leave of madam Silvia; did not I bid thee still mark me, and do as I do? When didst thou sce me heave up my leg, and make water against a gentlewoman's farthingale! didst thou ever see me do such a trick?
Enter PROTEUS and JULIA.
Pro. Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well, And will employ thee in some service presently. Jul. In what you please; I will do what I can. Pro. I hope thou wilt.- How now, you whoreson peasant? [TO LAUNCE. Where have you been these two days loitering? Laun. Marry, sir, I carried mistress Silvia the dog you bade me.
Pro. And what says she to my little jewel? Laun. Marry, she says, your dog was a cur; and tells you, currish thanks is good enough for such a present.
Pro. But she received my dog?
Laun. No, indeed, she did not: here have I brought him back again.
Pro. What, didst thou offer her this from me?
Away, I say: stay st thou to vex me here!
Sebastian, I have entertained thee,
Witness good bringing up, fortune, and truth:
At friar Patrick's cell, She loved me well, deliver'd it to me.
Where I intend holy confession.
Sil. Good-morrow, kind sir Eglamour. [Exeunt.
Enter LAUNCE, with his dog.
When a man's servant shall play the cur with nim, look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a puppy; one that I saved from drowning when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it! I have taught him-even as one would say precisely, Thus I would teach a dog. I was sent to deliver him, as a present to mistress Silvia, from my master; and I came no sooner into the diningchamber, but he steps me to her trencher, and steals her capon's leg. O, 'tis a foul thing when a cur cannot keep himself in all companies! I would have, as one should say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did, I think verily he had been hanged for 't: sure as I live, he had suffered for 't: you shall judge. He thrusts me himself into the company of three or four gentleman-like Holy dame, blessed lady. Injunction, command. Compassionate. 9 Caring.
Jul. It seems you loved her not, to leave her token:
She's dead, belike.
Not so; I think, she lives.
Pro. Why dost thou cry, alas?
Pro. Well, give her that ring, and therewithal
In the end.