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ADDITIONAL CHAPTERS FROM THE HISTORY OF JOAN BULL.
HOW DICK DEVILSDUST WEXT UPON HIS TRAVELS; HOW THE JUGGLER MADE A PACTION WITH
MOSES; AND HOW HE KEPT IT.
You are, I suppose, perfectly abide the sight of; and if you took aware of what took place before Jug- one of his handkerchiefs to blow your gling Johnny was appointed steward nose with, the odds are that its texof Squire Bull's household. The story ture was so flimsy that both your is not a pretty one; and, for the sake fingers came through. He was thereof those who are dead and gone, I fore obliged to sell it to people living shall not enter into particulars. Suffice beyond the estate — Jews, Turks, it that Johnny was installed in the heretics, or infidels, he did not care superintendence of the under-servants' whom, so that he could turn a penny; room through the influence of Dick and some of those benighted creatures, Devilsdust, Old Hum, the super having no other way of covering their annuated Quack, Bendigo the fighting nakedness, were content to take his Quaker, and a lot more of the same rags, and to pay him bandsomely for set, who lived in the villages upon them. For all that, Dick was a disthe Squire's property, and bore any contented man. Did he meet a rething but goodwill to the steady and spectable tenant of Squire Bull going peaceable tenants. Dick Devilsdust, soberly with his family to church, in particular, was a walking pestilence when he, Dick, was pretending to jog to himself. For some reason or other to the meeting-house with his assowhich I could never fathom, he had ciates, (though Obadiah refused to imbibed a most intense hatred to the certify that he was by any means a military, and never could set his eyes regular attender,) he would make upon a Redcoat without being thrown mouths at the worthy man, and accost into a horrible convulsion, and bellow him thus :ing like a bull at the sight of a Kil- “So, sir! going to the tithe-eating marnock nightcap. As lie grew up, parson's, I see-much good may it do he took to writing tracts between the ye. And if ye don't happen to have intervals of weaving; and one of his any particular sins this fine morning to first productions was an elaborate repent of, I may as well remind ye that <lefence of Esquire North, who was the quartern loaf is a farthing dearer then accused of having used harsh than it ought to be just at the present measures towards one of his tenantry. time. Do you know what a locust is, It is reported that Dick_sent a copy you clod? You're a cankerworm, of this pamphlet to the Esquire, with you base chawbacon!" And so on his humble compliments and so forth; he would go reviling the honest man, but whether that be true or no, certain who had all the mind in the world to it is that he never received any lay him on the broad of his back in thanks, or so much as a stiver's ac- the mud—and would have done it too, knowledgment for having taken up had it been a working week-day. cudgels against poles—an omission Another while, Dick would send the which, to the present day, he remem- bellmar round the village, and having bers with peculiar bitterness. So called a special meeting of weavers Dick thought it his best policy, as it like himself, he would barangue them really was, to turn his attention to in some fashion like the following: the state of matters at home in Bul. “Look'ye, my lads, I'm an indelockshatch. Dick, you must know, pendent man and a weaver, and I dealt in a kind of cloth so utterly bad don't care a brass for Squire Bull. that no tenant on the estate would I've got a seat in the under-servants' allow it to approach his skin. It was room, and if I am not entitled to stamped all over with great flaring make a row at meal-times I don't patterns of flamingos, parroquets, and know who is. I'll tell you a bit of popinjays, such as no Christian could my mind-you're the worst-used set of fellows on the face of the earth, and and though they worked very ill they if you have the least atom of pluck got fair wages. More than two-thirds you won't stand it. Here are you of all the webs they wove—for some obliged to take your flour from the of them were really skilful artisans, Squire's tenantry, when you might and not mere botchers like Devilsdust get it cheaper if you went to the next -were taken by John Bull's tenantry: town and bought it from Nick Frog, they paid almost no rent to the squire or Philip Baboon, or even Esquire -in fact, they were a great deal too North ; though I consider his name an well treated, and this indulgence had abomination, and would not give six- turned their heads. They wanted pence to save hin from perdition. now to have nothing to do with the And then you have to find meal for tenantry — beyond forcing them to Dragon the house-dog, and to victual take the same amount of cloth as some of the under servants; and it's before-and to get all their meat and no joke, I can tell yon, what they eat. bread from Frog, Baboon, North, If you stand this any longer, you are Jonathan, and others, who lived off a set of jolterheads, and nincompoops, the estate, and who, they thought, and asses, and slaves, and base would be uncommonly glad to take cowardly coistrels. Why don't you webs in exchange for provisions. get up a stir, rouse the villages, and None of these squires wanted webs, alarm the tenantry a little? Rely because their own villagers would upon it, they will come to reason soon have made a precious hullibaloo if enough if you give them a hint or two they had introduced into their estates about the duck-pond or the pump; and anything which was manufactured on for my own part, I don't mind telling the grounds of Mr Bull; but they them so in the servants' hall."
made believe as if they would have And so he would go on, raving no objections, at some future period, and spouting, telling everybody that to meet the views of Devilsdust; and Squire Bull was à superannuated in the mean time, having a good deal idiot, with not half the sense of his of land which they wished to see pronatural byeblow Jonathan—a chap perly tilled, they intimated to the vilwhom Dick quoted on all occasions- lagers of Squire Bull, that they would till he got a kind of reputation as an have no objection whatever to sell itinerant orator; and the tag-rag-and- them cattle and corn at a rate somebobtail would come from any distance, what smaller than Bull's tenantry if they were certified that Devilsdust could afford. was to give tongue.
This scheme never could have been Now, as to the grievance that Dick carried into effect but for a difference complained of, there was none. The in the servants' hall. It is of no use tenantry, as you know, were obliged now raking up old matters. Carried to pay a pretty high rent to Squire it was, to the great disgust of the Bull for their farms, and to keep up tenantry, and Juggling Johnny was all sorts of watchmen and game- appointed steward. To do the Juggler keepers, and rural police-besides a justice, he was not altogether in night-patrol on the canal-not only favour of the plan. But he could for the general security of the estate, hardly help himself, as, without the but for the order of the villages, assistance of Dick and his backers, which hatched the most turbulent, he never would have got the keys; mischievous, and discontented crew so, being an adroit little creature, that ever an estate was cursed with. and as clever at spinning a pirouWhen one of these fellows in the vil- ette as an opera-dancer, he turned lages fell ill, the tenantry were com- his back upon himself, declared pelled to pay for his nursing and cure. that the tenantry were labouring When any of them were out of em- under an antiquated fallacy, and that ployment, and lounging about the he would put all to rights in the market-place with their hands in twinkling of a bed-post. So, much their breeches' pocket, not knowing against the convictions of the Squire, where to turn for a job, the tenantry, who knew him of old for as incapable out of sheer goodness of heart, gave a squirrel as ever cracked a rotten them a turn at ditching or draining; nut, he sat himself down at the head of the table, and began to talk to the backer of Devilsdust, and, as some servants as though he were a second thought, was the cleverer fellow of edition of Mahomet or the prophet the two, tried to get up a collection Nixon.
on his own account; but, I am sorry And where do you think was Dick to say, made nothing of it. So Devilsdust all this time? If you Devilsdust, having pocketed the blunt, suppose that he was not looking after went out to take his holiday. his own interest, you are consumedly How do you think he used it? He mistaken. No sooner was the mea- made what he called a “Practical sure which swindled Squire Bull's Tour” through the estates of Don tenantry carried in the servants' hall, Pedro, Don Ferdinando, Signor Macathan he went down to the country, roni, and Sultan Koran, advertising called the villagers together, mounted his wares everywhere, and entreating upon an old sugar-barrel-which was them to give him custom. Moreover, now perfectly useless-and, brandish- he lost no opportunity of abusing his ing a billy-roller in his hand, address- landlord, John Bull, whom he held up ed them in the following terms :- everywhere to contempt as the most
“ Friends, Billy-roller men, and idiotical, prejudiced, pig-headed indibrothers ! lend me your ears! The vidual living. He said that there was victory is won—we have done the but one way of promoting universal trick ! Cottonchester and the Missis- brotherhood among all the estates, sippi are henceforward laid side by and that was by admitting his, Dick side. (Enormous cheering.) The Devilsdust's, wares free of duty. He devil take Bull's tenantry. (Applause.) pledged himself that, if this were done, They are dolts, asses, fools, idiots, there would be no more squabbles or chawbacons, and Helots. Bull him- lawsuits; and as he invariably spoke self is a blockhead, and we must look in a dialect which no one who heard after his affairs. We alone, and not bim could understand, whilst he did the tenantry, are fit to do it. not understand one word which was (Cheering.) And I am not going to made in reply to his speeches, the stand any nonsense about police or effect, of course, was electric. He house-dogs. (Vociferous applause.) came back, swearing that there could We know very well why they are be no more lawsuits, on account of kept; and I, for one, have no notion his (Devilsdust's) enormous expected of being interfered with.
consignments ; and that all Bullocksderstand me? (Cries of “We do!") hatch should unite as one man, to Well, then, I'll tell you what it is the compel Squire Bull to dismiss every Juggler hasn't behaved to me at all policeman, watchman, and bumbailiff handsome in this matter. Not that I in his service. As for poor Dragon, care about it one toss of a Brummagem who had long been the terror of tramps farden ; but I think they might have and poachers, Dick proposed that he paid a little more respect to the voice should be poisoned forthwith, or at of the villages. Howsom’dever, d’ye all events starved to death ; but he see, I don't mind the thing; only, as had not the smallest objection that my health's a little shaken as it were his skin should be stuffed, and prewith doing jobs of yours, I think a served as a specimen of an extinct slight jaunt would do me good; and animal. as I have been obliged to neglect my Meanwhile Juggling Johnny, the business, at an enormous sacrifice, on new steward, set about regulating the your account, perhaps you wouldn't affairs of the household as quietly as consider it an unwarrantable liberty possible. The Juggler was not now if I were just to send round the hat." quite so young as he once was, and,
So Devilsdust sent round the hat, moreover, he had taken unto himself and pocketed a lot of browns with a wife; so that his wages became a some stray sixpences to boot--quite matter of considerable importance to enough in fact to clear him in his him, and he had no wish to do anyprojected jaunt, and something more. thing which might induce Squire Bull This subscription-being the first- to give bim warning. But he had turned out so well that Bendigo the difficult cards to play. You must know Quaker, who had been a strong that the lower servants' room was fitted with an entirely new set, and a in the mean time, to interfere as little number of these were fellows bred in as possible, and to let things run their the villages, who were ready to say course; only this they were determined ditto to every word which was uttered upon, that no improper or suspected hy Devilsdust or Bendigo. They bad person should get into the house withno abstract affection, but, on the out their leave. contrary, an intense contempt for the You may possibly think that the Suggler, who they said—and perhaps Juggler could have no interest to break they had reason for it - was not this fundamental rule of the household, worth his wages; and they seemed to but if so, you are confoundedly mismake it the pet business of their lives taken. It was an old custom in Bulto keep him in hot water. One while lockshatch, that nobody could be adHum, the quack doctor, would insist mitted as a servant to the lower room on overhauling his accounts, and made unless he should produce a certificate a tremendous outcry if every remnant from the village or farm from which of candle was not accounted for. The he came, to the effect that he was a Juggler tried to stop his mouth by person of reasonably good character, giving his son an appointment in the and unless he swore on the New scullery, but old Hum, who was a Testament that he would serve Squire vregular Greek, would not submit to be Bull faithfully. Now it so happened put off in that way. Another while a that, when the Juggler went down to fellow would rise in the common's hall, the largest village on the estate to get and quietly propose that the villagers bis certificate of character, he found, should, thenceforward, pay no rent to very much to his petrifaction, that the Squire. Some wanted to have Moses the old-clothesman, with three beer gratis ; others complained that hats upon his head, and a baize bag they were not allowed to have their for cast habiliments under his arm, had stationery for nothing. In short, put up a candidate of his own persuathere was no end to their clamour, so sion, and was haranguing the villagers that the Juggler very soon found that in the market-place. Moses was, to say he had by no means an easy seat. the least of it, a doubtful kind of charThen there was another section of the acter. Besides his ostensible calling, servants, friends of the regular ten- and a minor though undisguised antry, who liked the Juggler just one traffic in oranges and sponges, he did degree better than they liked Devils- a little bit of underhand bill-broking dust or Bendigo. They took every and discounting at most enormous peropportunity of telling him that he was centages. He was suspected, moreplaying the mischief with the whole over, of being the real owner of the estate; that the rents were being paid sponging-house, which was actually simply out of capital or borrowed kept by his nephew, to which all the money, instead of profits; and that, if unhappy lads who were not prepared he did not alter bis whole system, and to cash up when the bills became due clap on a decent embargo on the corn- were carried, and fleeced out of their carts and meat-vans of Nick Frog, watches, rings, and studs, or anything North, Jonathan, and the rest, he else which they had about them. It might wake some fine quarter-day was said, moreover, that Moses was a without finding money enough in the sweater and a slop-seller, and that he till to pay bimself his wages. That, was in the habit of kidnapping Chrishowever, must have been an exag- tian tailors who had gone astray, and geration, for the Juggler was too old shutting them up under lock and key a raven not to look ahead whenever in stifling garrets, where they were his own interest was concerned. The compelled to work for him on the only men who really stuck to him on smallest possible allowance of caball occasions were such of the servants bage, without a slice of cucumber to as he could provide with places in the flavour it. One thing there was no household, or furnish with stray pick- doubt of, that, by some means or other, ings on the sly; and, to do them justice, Moses had become enormously rich, they adhered to bim like leeches. The so that he was able to lend money to upper servants, though they bore no any of the neighbouring squires who great love to Johnny, thought it best, might require it, and it was strongly sarmised that he even beld bonds with cried one — “Huzza for the Juggler the signature of John Bull appended. and anythingarianism !" vociferated
You may fancy, from this descrip- a second- "Down with Christention of him, that Moses was by no dom !" roared a third-—"Make him means popular; nor was be. But free of the Synagogue !" suggested a money will go a great way, and the fourth—"Three groans for Martin !" truth is, that he had so many of the shouted a fifth-"Schent per schent!" villagers under his power that they screamed a sixth; and, finally, they durst not say a word against him. all agreed upon one chorus, and rent Then, again, he had made friends with the welkin with acclamations for Obadiah, to whom he talked about Moses and the Juggler. liberty of conscience, and so forth; You may easily conceive that the dropping, at the same time, a five- latter was anything but delighted at pound note on the floor, and pretend- this demonstration. He had a proud ing not to notice that Obadiah's splay stomach of his own, and was woundily foot covered it by an instantaneous disgusted to find that he was only instinct. So they parted on the best considered as playing the second fiddle of terms, Moses calling Obadiah to the old-clothesman. But never"ma tear" as they shook bands, and theless he durst not, for the life of Obadiah snuffling something about him, show any symptoms of vexation; "a chosen vessel.” After that they so he stepped to the front of the hustthoroughly understood one another, ings with a grin on his face, as though though Obadiah did not altogether he had been fortifying himself for the give up his old trick of soliciting the task with a dram of verjuice, and Ladies for a subscription to convert began to speecbify as follows :Moses-the proceeds whereof nerer "Friends, and enlightened villareached the latter, at least under the gers! your reception of me this day persuasive form of hard cash.
is the proudest criterion of my life. Great, therefore, was the astonish- Unaccustomed as I am to public ment of the Juggler when he found speaking, yet, on this occasion, when Moses speaking in the market-place, liberty of conscience is the grand cliand Obadiah cheering him with all macteric menstruum which depends bis might and main. He would glad. upon the scale, I would be unworthy ly have slunk off, if he had been the name of a thorough indigenous allowed the opportunity of doing so; renovator if I did not express, by all but Obadiah was too quick for him. the judicious idiosyncrasy in my power,
"Here's a dispensation !" cried our the deep aspirations which vibrate in lapk-haired acquaintance, the
moment my unfathomed sensorial region. Yes, he caught a glimpse of the Juggler's my friends, it is true ! liberty of wrinkled mug passing round the cor- conscience is liberty of conscience ; der of the lane. “ Here's a special and the man who denies that proud vouchsafing, and a jubilation, and a and exalted position is, to my mind, testimony ha, hum ! Make way no better than a mere residuary inChere, you brother in the fustian stigator. As the progress of opinion jacket! and you fellow-sinner in the moves forward, so move its chariot moleskins, take your pipe out of wheels ; sometimes unseen amidst the your cheek, and let pass that Saul roar of popular ebullition, but never among the people !"--and before be the less distinctly, that the clear calm knew where he was, the Juggler voice of conscience illustrates the oswas hoisted on the shoulders of the cillations of the heart, and marks, rabble, and passed on to the hustings, beyond the possibility of doubt, those where he found himself placed cheek- unequivocal demonstrations which by-jowl with Moses and Obadiah, control the destiny of empires. Holdand every kind of money-lender and ing such opinions, as I have ever held usurer, and hypocritical frequenter of them-relying upon the quantification the Stocks, clustering around him, and of the predicate which dictates irrewringing his hand, as though they vocably to the sublime and recondite had loved him from infancy.
inotion of the spheres-and appealing, ** Three cheers for Juggling Johnny, moreover, to my own past experience, the friend of liberty of conscience !" and yonr knowledge of my consistorial