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BATAILLON.*

(From the French of Eugene Sue; with interjections ad libitum.)

BY CAMILLA TOULMIN.

Captain David was an old soldier of the Empire, covered with scars, and crippled by wounds, but living with tolerable comfort on his moderate means. He occupied the ground-floor of a house at the barrier of Charenton, and had for housekeeper an old woman named Madame Tolibois. Captain David had been in twenty battles; his calm courage had won renown for him among his brother veterans, and had been proved by the bravest and most brilliant deeds; but he trembled like a child before the peevish tyranny of Madame Tolibois, who, however, loved him after a fashion. (We perceive-a veritable M'Stinger-or first cousin at farthest.) She would have watched and nursed the Captain for twenty nights, if need be, without a murmur; she would not have robbed him of a farthing though she was "keeper of the privy purse;" and she would have scorned to appropriate as tithe the "first broth" from the Captain's inexpensive stew, still less would she have taken a glass from the half bottle of wine which served him for dinner, and made up the deficiency from the pure spring. (No, she levied tithes and taxes, much more difficult and disagreeable to pay.)

But alas, these rare and excellent qualities were counterbalanced by a fearful despotism, and the display of a ferocious jealousy in respect to every attachment or amusement which the old soldier formed or indulged in. A terrible and lamentable instance of this ferocious jealousy, is what we are going to record.

One day when the Captain was taking his accustomed walk, he was most perseveringly followed by an ill-favoured cur-a creature in wretched condition, and minus a fore paw; but from its intelligent eyes there beamed a supplicating glance. This poor invalide of the canine race interested the veteran, who rejoiced to think that he should henceforth have a companion in his walks, and in memory of his old profession he named him at once Bataillon. Yet it would be difficult to describe the tribulation of the good man, while returning homewards he pondered as to the welcome Madame Tolibois would give this new messmate, already doubly interesting in his character of a lost dog and a cripple.

The financial question ought not to have any serious weight, for the cur was a little creature, and although the Captain's pay imposed on him the strictest economy, this one additional mouth would surely scarcely be felt; but before Bataillon could be thoroughly at home, it would be

* From The Keepsake, 1848.

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necessary to consult the convenience of Madame Tolibois, whose stormy temper would most likely dread the place this new rival would occupy in her master's affections. At last the Captain arrived at his door, and rang the bell, in good truth loudly too, and then to strengthen his courage looked once more at Bataillon, who, motionless on his three feet, wagged his tail, as he looked up at his new master with a loving, fearful, anxious expression.

"Poor brute," thought the Captain, "he is as fearful as I am of the reception we shall meet." The door opened.

At the first words the Captain stammered forth of his encounter with the poor limping animal, and of the wish which he ventured to express of giving refuge to the invalide, Madame Tolibois replied, with the frigidity of mock humility, "Oh, you are the master: you can lodge any one you please; if you choose you can bring here all the thieves and vagabonds you meet. Oh, this may amuse you."

This apparent acquiescence of the housekeeper alarmed the Captain all the more that he detected several times during the evening the black looks that Madame Tolibois slyly cast on his favourite, though poor Bataillon strove to behave like the most humble and the least troublesome creature possible.

Night came, and the old soldier expressed a wish that the dog should sleep on the ground in a corner of his room.

"Ah, it's a fine thing to be a favourite-what next I wonder!" exclaimed Madame Tolibois, with a malicious burst of laughter which made the Captain tremble and fear to irritate this terrible woman.

In his trepidation he exclaimed, “After all, the dog should not be accustomed to pettinghe had better sleep in the garden."

This concession appeared slightly to calm the fury of the enemy.

Go to bed, Bataillon-go away," said the Captain, in his roughest voice.

The dog immediately obeyed, and left the room with drooping tail; but not without casting a sorrowful glance at his new master. (Which said, as plainly as eyes could say, “Be merciful AND FIRM, dear master; this cruel woman will tell you perhaps that she likes dogs well enough in their places. Alas! I know the horrid people who say that acknowledge no PROPER PLACES, but the depths of a duck-pond or the kennel of a street!)

Madame Tolibois opened the door which led from the ground-floor to a little garden, and with one kick sent the dog to the middle of

the grass-plot. To this inhospitable treatment Bataillon submitted without a cry (I wish he had bitten her); but, guided by instinct, he hobbled back and stretched himself on the ground beneath the Captain's window.

not a corner escaped; but no Bataillon was to be found.

Captain David, not a little disturbed, returned to the house and called Madame Tolibois, who was in no hurry to answer the summons; and when she did appear her face was very pale.

"Where is Bataillon ?" said the old soldier, in an anxious voice; "for this quarter of an hour I have been calling and seeking him."

To these questions Madame Tolibois replied by a blaspheming parody of Cain's words:"You did not give me your Bataillon to keep," and the housekeeper became yet more pallid, and her voice trembled, and she dared not look her master in the face.

No keen observer, and not the least suspicious, the Captain did not notice Madame Tolibois' confusion; and after having sought Bataillon in vain in the house and in the garden, he went out, thinking that the dog might perhaps have run into the street-misconduct, however, of which the poor brute had not been guilty.

Eight days passed away, each one increasing the attachment of the veteran for Bataillon, who was in truth an affectionate, intelligent creature. In their daily walks, though he ran backwards and forwards, he never strayed far from his master's side; and notwithstanding his own smallness, he was ready to attack any strange dog, however large, who so much as looked at his master; with one bound he would throw himself on the intruder, and almost always compelled him to retreat. It was this warlike quality which persuaded the Captain that Bataillon had lost his paw in battle; a conviction which still more endeared him. In-doors the creature was full of winning ways and pretty tricks. If the Captain let fall his handkerchief, Bataillon would pick it up, and he would range himself on his hind legs of his own accord before his master, who would perhaps give him one side of his tobacco-case to hold between his teeth, while he filled his pipe at leisure from the contents; Bataillon remaining still all the while, and press-presented itself! ing the bag with all the strength of his jaw. In short, the dog made himself so agreeable in a thousand ways, that the Captain was constantly exclaiming, Dear little Bataillon: he only wants speech to be the most perfect comrade!"

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Alas! these words so flattering to the dog, were fatally treasured by Madame Tolibois.

Day by day the housekeeper became more gloomy, more silent, more absent; but unluckily the Captain-as little suspicious as clear-sighted, and very much taken up with the pleasure Bataillon gave him-did not observe the morose, and sometimes furious looks of the dreadful woman. On one occasion even returning home

somewhat earlier than he was expected, he surprised the housekeeper at the door in a whispered conference with an ill-looking man with a long beard, who departed quickly as he approached; but the Captain, blind and unsuspicious like the happy man that he was, attached no importance to the circumstance.

The Captain had walked but a few steps, when at the distance of perhaps a gun-shot, he perceived some object at the bottom of his gardenwall. He hastened thither-but what a spectacle

In a pool of blood still steaming, lay the body of a dog, completely despoiled of its skin. A horrible suspicion rushed to the veteran's mind; he stooped-examined the paws-alas! the right

fore

paw was wanting; there could be no further doubt it must be Bataillon!

the

On raising his head with mournful stupor, Captain perceived at the other end of the deserted street a rag-merchant walking very quickly, and who turned round more than once looking man with a long beard, with whom to look anxiously behind him. It was the illMadame Tolibois had held the mysterious in

terview.

veteran was still active; and anger doubling his Notwithstanding his age and his wounds, the strength, he soon overtook the chiffonnier, and saw the skin-Bataillon's skin-gory trophy displayed among the treasures of the man with a beard!

To seize him by the throat, pluck from him One night he retired to rest as usual; no fatal break it across his head, was for the Captain but the stick by which he supported his load, and to presentiment, no ghastly visions troubled the the work of a moment, notwithstanding the rerepose of the old soldier on the contrary hesistance of his adversary, who was stunned by

dreamed that Bataillon had beaten the famous Munito at dominoes, and on the latter canine

wonder questioning the fairness of the game, Bataillon had demanded instant satisfaction for the insult, and had mangled the famous domino player to his heart's content.

Morning dawned; and the Captain, delighted with his dream, rose early, and went into the garden, where a little house had been constructed for Bataillon, probably with the intention of telling his vision to the dog himself. But the kennel was empty; and when the old soldier called "Bataillon," Bataillon did not

answer.

this sudden attack.

"Ah, thou hast stolen him," exclaimed the Captain, redoubling his blows; "thou it is who hast killed and skinned my poor brave dog."

"But listen to me," said the other, parrying the blows as well as he could; "I did not steal your dog; it was given to me-an old woman at number seven. I will make her own it before you, if you will not believe me."

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She gave it you!-that dog!" screamed the Captain, thunderstruck by such intelligence. "She gave it you to kill!"

'No, not to kill him, but to lose him," replied the chiffonnier; "but a dog's skin is always The garden was explored from end to end-worth ten sous-and as they wished to get rid

all!"

of the brute, why I have undressed him, that's | of poor Bataillon, and by degrees Madame Tolibois resumed all her old habits of angry, jealous tyranny.

The Captain's anger changed its object; he let the chiffonnier grumble and rub his sides, and quickly retraced his steps homewards, wiping away a tear as he passed by the remains of poor Bataillon. On entering his house he sent for Madame Tolibois, and exclaimed in angry tones, "You are a wicked creature-leave the house instantly!"

Never before had the Captain appeared to his housekeeper but as an easy, good-natured man, and she was ready to faint on seeing him for the first time, with eyes flashing fury-his figure distended, and his white moustache bristling with rage.

"Heavens, Sir," she exclaimed "what is the matter?—you frighten me to death!”

"The matter! Why, that you have given my poor dog to the rag-merchant, who has killed him for his skin; good-for-nothing wretch that

you are!"

"He has killed him! Oh, the rogue! I swear to you, Sir, by all that is sacred that I only gave him the accursed cur to lose him."

"And why? What harm did the dog do you?"

"What harm?" cried Madame Tolibois, bursting into tears, and giving vent to her pent-up hatred; "what harm did the accursed dog do me? Well, I will tell you. You thought of nobody but him—you had neither eyes nor ears for any one else; since he has been here you cared for me less than him-less than a dog! You called him your COMRADE; while I-I was only your servant. Yes, I, who have served you for ten years-I was to give place to the new comer a sly, deceitful vagabond, that you had only known eight days!"

"Why, you are mad."

"No, Sir, I am not mad; but I should soon have become so from grief. Since the dog came I have not slept-I have not eaten; twenty times have I been on the point of giving him a ball that would have been his last-the nasty creature; but I did not dare, for I have not so bad a heart as you think. And yet it was but a brute after all-a dog! At last it came to this, that either he or I must go, and I certainly preferred it should be him-and so I agreed with the chiffonnier that he should lose him at the other end of Paris; but as for killing him-nonever!"

However strange and stupid the jealousy of Madame Tolibois, it appeared to the old soldier so founded on a sincere and devoted affection, that, detestable as was the form it had taken, he was finally appeased.

The housekeeper went herself to seek the remains of Bataillon, which were solemnly interred in a corner of the garden, beneath the little house which the old soldier had built for his companion. And henceforth, notwithstanding his regrets, Captain David had the generosity to refrain from all allusion to the melancholy fate

Reader, drop a tear for Bataillon! (And don't on any account find the least palliation for the horrible old woman, or suppose that she had one particle of real affection for her master. Make clear the moral that is only shadowed in this trifling sketch. There is hardly a commoner error in the world than to mistake the evidences of the narrowest selfishness and of wounded self-love, for tokens of AFFECTION! What a mockery! And yet from the nursery to the death-chamber of the octogenarian, how commonly the error prevails! Through all the phases of life-through all the sorts of regard we experience—how seldom are we capable of self-devotion! How often do we love, or like, because by some reflected grace, our loving or liking brings pride and pleasure to ourselves! But REAL AFFECTION-be it

that of mother, sister, wife, lover, or friendmingles its likings with the lovings of the loved of the dwarfish fiend Jealousy; which would object, is self-devoting, and knows not the presence shrivel, and sicken, and die, in the spacious home of a large and noble heart, and in the presence of its princely virtues.)

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A FEW REMARKS ON MANY THINGS.

BY MRS, VALENTINE

BARTHOLOMEW.

No. III.-HUMBUG.

(Continued from page 96.)

Tradespeople, particularly mercers, are often guilty of a most reprehensible piece of humbug, in announcing in large letters, "THE WHOLE OF THIS STOCK TO BE SOLD OFF, AT AN AWFUL SACRIFICE," the goods exhibited to general view being labelled much below their value; but when you enter the shop, articles of a very inferior kind are passed off as being similar to those hung up in the windows; and if you complain of the imposition, you are told with the coolest effrontery," that the mistake is yours." I was once much amused by hearing an altercation between a lady and the person who waited on her: the purchaser had bought several yards of handsome ribbon she had remarked in passing by as being advertised at a very moderate price, and had thrown down a note on the counter for change, previous to her examining the bill, which too late she found amounted to double the sum she expected; on remonstrating, she got no redress, but was assured, if she would take the trouble to step to the window, she would see the charge was correct in her account; the lady, convinced that she was in the right, made her way as fast as possible through the doorway, choked up with packages; but before reaching the window, the dexterous serving-man had exchanged the lowpriced ticket for one of a much higher figure. The same quality of ribbon might have been bought for half the amount at a respectable establishment.

An old bachelor went once to purchase a counterpane of a particular size, and was shown one which the shopkeeper declared to be three yards long, and that he would sell it at cost price, which was eighteen shillings; the keen eye of the gentleman instantly detected that it was not nearly the size asserted, but he said nothing; and when the parcel was tied up, he put down a shilling, demanding change. The man smiled, and bowing, said, "I believe, sir, you are not aware of the mistake you have made; you have only given me a shilling." "Well," replied the gentleman, " you call your counterpane three yards long, and by the same rule I call my shilling a sovereign." It need scarcely be added, that the bachelor pocketed his money, and the mortified shopkeeper lost his

customer.

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rating the beauty of French goods, thereby inducing the tradesman to pass off English for those of foreign manufacture, at an excellent profit to himself. One of the principal attendants in a fashionable establishment at the west end of London received an offer of double salary, if he would go over to a rival house, his adroitness at humbugging female customers being so well known in the trade; but one day even Mr. Sim's patience was well nigh exhausted by a lady who wanted to purchase a shawl. Bale after bale was opened to no purpose; some she would not condescend to look at, others were too common and cheap; and she was preparing to depart without making choice of any thing, when Mr. Sims, with his blandest smile, thus accosted her: “Pray, madam, allow me to detain you a little longer. I believe there is still waiting in our warehouse a merchant's agent, who has brought some very recherché foreign articles of dress, which after our approval we intend forwarding directly to the Duchess of S-; it is just possible that some shawls may be amongst them; if you will allow me, I will instantly go and see, for I would rather disoblige her Grace than lose a customer like yourself, who has shown such profound taste." The bait was swallowed, and the flattered dame waited on the tiptoe of expectation, until Mr. Sims returned with a triumphant air, bearing gracefully on his arm two shawls of delicate texture, one of which was instantly purchased at an exorbitant sum, and was the exact counterpart of a low-priced one which a few minutes previously the lady had scornfully refused to look at. Verily the persuasive powers of people in trade are very great, but they do not always suceeed. A gentleman went one day to buy some boots; and after trying on a pair which was considerably too tight, the bootmaker assured him that it was an advantage, for leather stretched so amazingly; but the gentleman, who had a loving regard for his ten toes, determined to fit on another pair, and then complained that they were too large. "Ah, sir," said the man, "after a bit they will suit you exactly, for they will shrink to the size of your foot." With such a contradiction, “it were bootless to relate" that the customer walked away bootless.

How often country milliners make a journey It must be confessed that a great many to town, to buy the last year's fashions at an exknavish tricks are encouraged by the follies of cellent advantage to themselves, passing them our own sex, who are ever craving for and over-off as the newest Parisian mode; by which

scheme mothers and daughters pay very dearly,' and the ugliest cap or bonnet is made to be thought "the sweetest thing in the world," by the talismanic use of flattery.

bed in the middle of the night to attend their vagaries: it is true he indemnifies himself for his trouble, by sending them two or three draughts, daily, of rose-water, flavoured with aniseed.

One has but little sympathy with those fanciful individuals who, in an elegant dressinggown, recline all day long, in studied attitudes, upon the sofa, giving their orders in a voice scarcely beyond a whisper, and putting the whole household in confusion by their capricious wants; but who are ever ready to accept an invitation to a party, and watch for the best opportunity to play the heroine, and create a sensation by fainting away.

It is said that Rowland Hill was so annoyed by this habit, which often took place in the middle of his sermon, that one morning, when his congregation was in expectation of hearing the text, he startled them all by abruptly saying, that if any of the female part of his flock were disposed to faint away, he begged they would do so at once, before the sermon began: such an exhortation had its due effect, for the preacher's discourse was never again interrupted.

THE AMIABLE HUMBUG has great power over widows and spinsters of a certain age; a penniless young man, with prepossessing manners, and a pair of moustaches, is sure to gain the full control over the purse and the heart of an elderly juvenile fair one, provided he has the patience to be her humble slave. He usually begins his attack with lending her anonymous books, in the true sentimental style; and when he is asked who wrote that "love of a work," he hesitates, and looks confused, and at last owns that he is the author, but mysterious circumstances cause his name to be kept a profound secret; then, with his eyes turned up, and his shirt collar turned down, he proceeds to relate his romantic adventures, and concludes by telling his wonder-struck and credulous listener that she is the image of his lost love, who was beautiful as a star, and kind as an angel. After such a compliment, you may be sure a knife and fork are always laid for him at the dinner hour; and his evenings are spent in taking his inamorata to plays, balls, and concerts, to which places she of course franks him, and pays his tailor's bill into the bargain. Specimens of this class are generally very free and easy, upon excellent terms with themselves and all the world; they will speak of young ladies, when their parents are not present, as "my friend Charlotte," or "dear Mary Jane," told them so and so, just to let the world see how intimate they are with such or such a family; when in reality the extent of their visiting has never been beyond a morning call, or a sandwich sup-closing their front windows in the autumn seaper. If they can string a few rhymes together, it is no unusual thing for the amiable humbug to write some tender poetry to themselves in a disguised hand, and pass it off as an effusion of some dear creature who has felt the wound of the little god!

Real sufferers often make light of their affliction, and conceal their pain under a cheerful or resigned countenance, fearful that they should give an additional pang of anxiety to those who surround them; and well are they rewarded by the affectionate care and solicitude of all who know them. The worst servants are ever willing in the hour of illness to give their aid to the members of their master's family, provided the sickness is not exaggerated by the patient.

It is impossible in a short paper to illustrate all the tricks Humbug plays off; such as families

son, and retiring to their back rooms, so that their visiting acquaintances may suppose that they are gone with the fashionable world to watering places. Spending Sunday evenings out with friends, and leaving word with the servants, in case any one calls, that they are gone to chapel, or on some charitable errand; and young ladies with delicate appetites, who resist all persuasions to eat at a dinner party more than "half that wing," because they have made an excellent meal at home off mutton chops, &c. &c. at luncheon. Persons who make a parade of taking nothing but water, can often swallow very comfortably in private three or four glasses of wine. Professional people, praising each other's performances to one another as being charming," "the finest work ever seen or heard;" then going to a neighbour, in confidence, and exclaiming against what they had before extolled.

A gentleman was one evening boasting of the many pocket-handkerchiefs it had been his good fortune to receive as presents from various ladies; his own initials being marked with their hair. A lady who had only heard the last part of this speech, said with great naïveté, "Ah, Mr. Smith, you are such a good man! my little embroideress tells me you are the best and cleverest customer she has, for you always make choice of the prettiest hair and the best devices which her box of patterns contains." Poor Mr." exquisite," Smith looked very hot and red, as he saw his companions exchange sly glances with one another at the apropos remark of the speaker.

Doctors have a very agreeable way of humbugging their would-be interesting patients-a class of silly females who, idle, inert, and with a large share of vanity, endeavour to produce a sensation among their friends, by speaking and dilating upon their nervous complaints; such people fancy theirs are the sole cases which can command the profound attention of a medical man, who is often called out of his comfortable

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But how many sincere individuals there are, who feel ashamed to express the deep and loving emotions of their souls, lest they should come under the denomination of what the world calls HUMBUG!

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