applied in some measure to me. Since I came home, I have met with a severe trial, which sent me to a throne of grace with strong cries and tears. The Lord enabled me to plead with him for perfect submission to his will, and he gave me power to rejoice in some measure in this trial, as the way he hath appointed to mortify my corruptions, and to subdue his enemies in my soul. I cast my care upon him, and he hath sustained me, and caused me to look forward with joy to the glorious appearance and second coming of Christ,-to that happy period when all sin and sorrow shall for ever cease, and I shall behold him, and be transformed into his image, and rejoice in his presence for ever more. O blessed trials! happy afflictions! since they bring me nearer to God, and give me clearer views of him for whom my soul longeth.

Sunday, December 23.-I have been confined all last week with a cold, and also attending Lord G. who has been ill. I have had little leisure for reading, meditation, or prayer; no Christian companions, nor any person to whom I could speak of the things of God, and my own soul in a dead and uncomfortable frame. At times I have got liberty to pour out my complaint to the Lord, and found some comfort in weeping in secret for my own sins and the sins of others. I have also had refreshing letters from friends at a distance; yet, upon the whole, it is not with me now as in former times of sickness. I am confused, and my thoughts are dissipated. I long for access to God; I groan after him, but cannot get near him. O merciful Jesus! thou who knowest my inmost soul, and canst read the secret desires of my heart, have pity upon me! Grant but the crumbs which fall from thy children's table,— remove whatever hinders my intercourse with thee.

1770.

DIARY.

197

I desire only thy love,-take whatever else thou wilt from me,-take health, friends, fortune, reputation, or even life itself,-only let me be assured of an interest. in thee, and of the eternal enjoyment of thee, in the world to come!

Sunday, December 30.-All last week I was confined to my room with sickness, and greatly oppressed in spirit with outward trials, and no inward comfort. I have had little time for prayer; and when I had, my mind was so confused and dissipated, that I was a terror to myself. I have been led to doubt if ever I was awakened. The Lord's dealings with me are very mysterious. I cannot see why he hides his face from me, but I trust it is for my good. I will still hope in his word, that those who trust in him shall never be ashamed, and they that seek him shall find him; and though I am yet in darkness, yet will I hope and wait on him till he sees fit to bring me to light. Why art thou cast down, my soul? Still trust in God, for I shail yet praise him.

Monday, December 31.—Another year is gone, and where art thou, my soul? What shall I render unto thee, O Lord, for thy long-suffering kindness and forbearance with me? Hadst thou cut me off in my sins I could not but have justified thee: But thou hast prolonged my day of grace;-still there is hope-still thy Spirit strives with me, and carries on thy work, thy marvellous work, in my soul. Thou art refining me in the furnace of affliction, that I may come forth like gold. I see thy hand in all my trials. They are necessary to my soul,-1 could not do without them. Lord, I would submit in all things to thy will. I

commit my soul wholly to thee. Do with it whatever is most for thy glory!

This year I have gained a deeper sense of the evil of sin, and seen more of the depth of corruption in my own heart. I have seen more of the vanity of the world, and am become (through grace) more dead to it. I have got more courage to speak for God, and less fear of the reproach of men. I have spent more time in prayer, and have been enabled to pray with others. The Lord has blessed some attempts I have made for the conversion of souls, and I hunger and thirst more after Christ; yet the light has not shone so powerfully upon my own soul as I have experienced it formerly. The Lord hides his face from me, and I am troubled; I mourn after him,-it has been a sorrowful year to me in this respect. But blessed be his name for the mercies and privileges bestowed upon me, and that he still keeps me waiting upon him, and trusting in his word.

1771.

LADY GLENORCHY'S ZEAL, &c.

199

CHAPTER IX.

Lady Glenorchy's zeal leads her to go lengths which unnecessarily expose her to trials-This remonstrated against by her Christian friends -Rev. Mr Gillespie's letter to Lady Glenorchy on the subject— Admirable letter of Mr Walker on the same subject-Lady Glenorchy's influence over Lord Glenorchy-Mr De Courcy appointed minister of St Mary's Chapel-Letter of his to Lady GlenorchyExtracts from Diary January 6. to February 2. 1771-Lady Glenorchy's letter to Lady Maxwell-Extracts from Diary from February 7. to 12-Letter from Lady Glenorchy to Lady Maxwell-Extracts from Diary.

THE reader will no doubt have observed, by the extracts already made from Lady Glenorchy's Diary, that she considered it a duty incumbent on her to recommend and enforce, not only by her example, but also in her conversation, the practice of religion upon every one, great and small, to whom she had access; and if she happened to neglect any opportunity of this kind which occurred, she viewed and lamented it as a sin of omission, which heavily burdened her conscience: and hence she studiously sought occasions to perform these services. These services, however, were not confined to persons in her own family, or of her own rank and station in society. She was in the practice of going among the lower orders, especially in the country, and in the course of her journeys, and speaking to them respecting the state of their souls. This, as might be expected, did not always succeed. it not unfrequently exposed her to very unworthy treatment, unsuitable to her rank. These circum

Indeed,

I heard Mr Walker this morning, and Mr Erskine in the afternoon, bear their testimony against the horrid and blasphemous farce that was acted last night in this place. O that the impression these solemn discourses have made on my heart this day, may never be effaced! May I stand forth boldly, as a witness for a despised and crucified Saviour, in the face of men and devils! I have repeatedly and solemnly taken the Lord to be my God-O that I may no longer be ashamed to confess him before men, but bear my testimony in all things to his truth and faithfulness, whatever may be the consequence. Come Lord, seal me thine for ever!

Saturday, December 1.-I found comfort this morning in hearing the experiences of a Christian, who came to see me. I find my case is not singular; others feel the same load of sin that I do. I attempted today to visit a poor person who was sick, but was denied admittance; this was a disappointment to me, as it has been much upon my mind lately, to visit the sick as a Christian duty. What cause have I to blush when I think how little I have done to-day for God! I cannot doubt of his love, yet I do not feel its constraining power, else I should redeem more time for his service.

Sunday, December 9.-Last week I have been much engaged in company with the people of God. I find their conversation very pleasing to me, but very dangerous; for instead of being humbled by seeing how far short I come of the least of the saints, I am led into self-seeking; and while I should be learning wisdom from them, I am trying to give them a good opinion of me. Alas! did they see my heart, as God sees it, they would rather fly than seek my company.